Joining - Printable Version +- 'Souls IPB Archive (November 2007–October 2012) (https://soulsrpg.com/ipb) +-- Forum: Dead IC (https://soulsrpg.com/ipb/forumdisplay.php?fid=110) +--- Forum: Dead Joiners (https://soulsrpg.com/ipb/forumdisplay.php?fid=22) +--- Thread: Joining (/showthread.php?tid=16045) |
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- Quetzal Savannah - 03-14-2011 [html] Character Name: Quetzal Savannah IC post: The sun began to settle as a figure rode past the high mountains that protected this paradise from the outer world. She had managed to arrive. She didn't know how, but she did it. Her mount walked further, nervously sniffing the foreign air. But the rider was ecstatic. She motioned her beast to move forward, not requireing a saddle, only using her knees. "We did it boy" Quetzal said, caressing the neck of her Mule deer, Moro, trying to confort him. "So this is 'Souls". This was another goal reached. Her family would be really happy to see her. She was an official explorer now...But not everything was sweet. A name reached her mind, and made her smile fade away. Kairu. But she snapped out of her thoughts with a shake of her head. That was past. He didn't want her to achieve her dream. It was his decision. The jackal stopped her mount with a light pressure of her knees and dismounted. This weather was much colder than that of her homeland, so she wore her hipscarf around her neck, trying to protect the only sensible part of her body from the breeze. Her mane still wore had some of the feathers that her family gave her. But they were only a few; she would need to replace them soon. The female walked further, with the deer on her ankles, taking a close look at her, in case that she suddenly had a crazy idea. The female sniffed the air, and ran. Moro was startled by her sudden race, but followed her close by. After running for a while without a direction, she and satcame to a full stop and laid on her spot, watching the sky. Now, what would go next? she had no clue. All that she knew was that she wanted it to happen right now. [/html]- Kaena Lykoi - 03-14-2011 Hey, Liz! Most everything looks good so far, just two things: Firstly, you didn't have to give us an IC post! :3 If you're joining OOCly, only the profile or roleplaying examples are necessary. <3 Secondly, the idea of a mule deer is pretty cool! I think it's pretty plausible. :3 The only thing is, though, at one point in Quetzal's history, you refer to Moro fending off an attacker. Deer and horses are more prey animals, and so their instincts when attacked is more RUNRUNRUN than defense -- they spook and panic very easily! Unless Moro was specifically trained to remain calm in combat (which seems unlikely, since Quetzal's homeland seems very peaceful!) I think his instinct would probably be to run away rather than to protect his owner. :3 Perhaps instead of Moro attacking Kairu, he could simply run away very quickly as the attacker moves toward Quetzal, thus "rescuing" her in that manner? Another alternative could be that Kairu becomes horrified at what he's done (you said he only intended to push her down and ended up biting her instead) and he simply runs away, leaving Quetzal to collect herself and calm Moro down? I'm sure you'll think of something! This is just a tiny, minor detail, though -- everything else looks really awesome, so I'll go ahead and accept you now! <3 - Kaena Lykoi - 03-14-2011
- Quetzal Savannah - 03-14-2011 Hi! Well, about Moro. He was born between jackals, so i think that he has gotten used to them. But i'll try to fix that to look more realistic X3 And about Kairu. I will have to fix that as well. But mainly, he felt shocked that he did that to his friend, and between the excitement and the shock, his first reaction was to leave, thinking that Quetzal would be mad at her. However, thanks for the advice, X3. I was a bit sleepy when i wrote that, so thanks for pointing this out for me! [EDIT] Done!! i edited my profile :3 |