bull in a china shop

Lolita Monroe · 10-31-2010, 08:45 PM

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The anger in the rust and white woman’s body and voice was expected, and Lolita held herself steady against her bitter words, though even she flinched at the outburst. She remained silent until Pippa was finished; it was better that way, and she could get it all out at once. Lolita wished she would not lash out at her, but she understood why she was. How would she feel, if she had found Pippa with a mate and children? It was not the exact situation, but it was certainly close enough that the analogy was fitting to the moment. In truth, Lolita would have felt terrible. She understood Pippa’s anger and pain, and she hated to be the cause of it.

“Many,” she said, voice quiet, once the woman she loved was finished. “There have been many, but never once,” she continued, voice becoming stronger with conviction, “never once did I share love. That is something that has always been only for you. None of them were you, none of them meant anything to me.” That was the truth, though she didn’t know if Pippa would believe her. “I have never led anyone to believe I loved them, because I didn’t. It was only you.” Her voice sounded strange to her own ears, though she could not pinpoint what it was. Regret and despair, perhaps. Those were things she felt.

“As for why I did not tell you sooner, it is because I only just found out. I did not know why I was feeling sick and gaining weight until someone told me the reason. I did not think I could conceive.” She was dead, after all. “I do trust you, and I have never stopped loving you. Make of that what you will. You can leave, if you want to—I would understand if you did not want to.. stay with me.” She faltered on the last words, jade eyes focused on a place just to the left of Pippa’s eyes. She could not look at her, knowing the pain she had caused.

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