3+
He accepted her words more easily than she had expected him to. If she had been listening, she was sure she would have shunned the speaker, purely for the words about leaving. She was, in the simplest terms with the most basic view, a hypocrite. While she would have turned away anyone who cowered and fled, she remained so sure that she belonged there. She remained so, so sure that Inferni was meant for her. Gabriel had never denied it. He always welcomed her home. But Halo was right, on some level. She didn't belong. She didn't deserve the forgiveness, using Inferni like a disposable box she could sleep in when she missed familiar faces.
Kesho didn't offer judgment. Instead, he offered consolation. "You aren't a coward. I came and went too." They weren't the only ones who abandoned Inferni when it needed them. She could feel a burning tingle rise in her nose as she held back tears, wiping her crimson eyes against her arm carefully. Halo was right, he was right. The world was a queer place to live in. She tried to form words, but found her voice lost in her chest, hiding from the ability to make things better. He stepped up to make it easier. "I'd toast to loyalty."
She smiled, melancholy on her muzzle, and let out a soft laugh. "I might have more. In my bedroom, if you wanted to come up," she mumbled. The offer started as an offer for more liquor, but as the words left her mouth, she started to think other things. Comfort was found in different ways, and hers circled the drain with physical companionship. Things never seemed so bad when the fur and sweat and panting breaths got to her ears. Still, Kesho was old. Probably old enough to realistically have fathered children who fathered their own children by that point. As she stood, tail swishing to the side, she realized how silly it was to think she could just waltz into the idea of sleeping with him.
table by silver; image by marilynjane@flickr
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