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Oh she was so foolish to think she could handle this while in heat. Not to mention she felt guilty for doing this with someone other than Aro, especially after she'd given him hell for messing around with girls before they'd established their relationship. Despite Sidra's shame and embarrassment she remained dominant, ears pressed forward, though her body was huddled into a ball on the couch. It only made it worse when Alister started to apologize, thinking that this was his fault. He couldn't be more wrong. This was all her. She had gotten the stupid idea to seduce him thinking she would actually be able to go through with it. But no! She was in heat, receptive to males. It was something she wanted to avoid at all costs. It was her first heat, and the thought of puppies was overwhelming. There were so many thoughts swarming in her mind right now. What had she done?! How angry would Aro be if he were to find out. What if she had gone through with it and ended up pregnant? How could she be so stupid?
It wasn't like the strong willed leopard woman to be shy, but she couldn't hep it with the heat smoldering under her fur. Her cheeks were on fire, the embarrassment almost unbearable. She was telling herself to snap out of it, this wasn't her. She wasn't one to back down, never! She wasn't one to chicken out, never had before. She felt as though she wasn't herself...but, that's just one of the symptoms of the heat she supposed. Alister was just as embarrassed and shameful as she was, but it only seemed to further her own distastes for what had just happened. She shouldn't have been so panicked and abrupt with her actions. At least then maybe they wouldn't feel like they did now. She felt so damn stupid and just wanted to hide herself away until the man was gone. But she wasn't done here so she needed to gather herself and keep her eyes on the prize. Sidra rationalized it and put it out on a plate for both of them, to calm their nerves. It wasn't either of our faults. It's this cursed heat...it does things...screws with your head. God! She plunged her head in between her knees, her head rustling through the thick locks on her head. She was right though.
Alister was still panicked, saying he should have left and that he'd never done this before. Wait...what? Sidra lifted her head to look at him, eyes wide. He'd never done this before? It almost lightened her mood to hear that, she wanted to laugh but knew better and instead pushed the piece of knowledge aside. How unlucky for him to have run into a woman during her first heat cycle, let alone a woman who made this habit and enjoyed doing it. It was rather ironic. Maybe you should have, but you didn't and I didn't exactly make it easy for you to leave either. For that I'm sorry. She didn't think it would be so hard to keep herself in check and she certainly didn't think she'd be feeling so guilty for this. Sidra nodded as he thought of reasons to agree with her. It was late and she didn't exactly want to stay here by herself, slightly scared of what else might happen during this time. She wouldn't admit it though. Maybe she should have just stayed in Casa and dealt with all those eyes on her. Was it really worth it leaving and running into this awkward predicament? Sidra let out a heavy sigh, looking up to Alister as he gulped down some of the wine straight from the bottle. She raised her eyebrow slightly. That was a good product of their mistakes, this might be easier now. After he took a drink, she took the bottle and drank down a few mouthfuls herself. He was still playing right into her trap and she played along, though her feelings about this situation were very real. It's not really necessary...but, I wouldn't mind if you stayed. You're right about this place not being safe...I don't know why I came here. It was foolish of me. Him touching her wasn't the problem. And I'm not worried about you...you were a perfect gentleman. We just got carried away.
Sidra took another breath and sighed, unfurling from her protective ball. It really wasn't his touch that had been the problem. It had only scared her that she was letting him have control over her and that she had let things get so out of hand. It wasn't like her, not at all. Sidra gave a smile to Alister as she set down the bottle. Let's just drink, and talk. Forget about this whole thing.
Image courtesy of pavel89l1@deviantART; table by Haley
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