ooc:
The Gardens had been her refuge, from the forming of this beautiful place til now. It was where she could freely delve into her training to distract her from what troubled her mind. It was a haven when she felt unwelcomed or perhaps did not feel worth the place she had called home. It was where she went to hide when she did not want to be bothered or face what she could not longer bring herself to.
She had loved and been loved in return. But the love she was given had been shared and tainted her deeply. Perhaps it was that that broken her heart the most even before she was aware of that love. More so than the fact it was with a dog that her beloved had brought this degradation... more so than the fact that he could not think to tell her when she had asked him so plainly. Had there been anything else to say that day? She recalled it so clearly, when her role within the pack was contested, when her word was challenged...and over a dog. She could not let that settle. It was because of that mutt this all came to be, but then it was her beloved...no... that vile man that could not resist that tainted fur and flesh that led them to this. She did not know when...she did not know why...only that it had and she could no longer stand it.
Within the collective, he would have made her an UnSpoken; a secondhand bitch tainted by the lustful actions still clinging to his person as he took her so passionately. And she had let him in ignorance, cementing the bond she had wanted for so long, blinded by her desire to breed. Blinded by her love for him. And it was only she that was left to feel the consequences. She hated him for that...and yet it was her love for him, her loyalty, pure and unbridled that kept her sense about her and made her reason...made her think. Made her question how she could proceed with this. Hidden away, she was allowed this time to think, unaware that the time she had was swiftly closing and all she felt would come to a head. In her hands were the teeth of the beast that had brought them together again. The supposed tangible fix of their bond. She bothered each fang along the pads of her fingers, letting the tips of her sharpened claws graze atop them. Lost in thought...vexed by the insanity of the world...trying desperately to retain her strength so that she may not cry the tears that would never fall.