and I hope you have more luck with this than me

[Soran Aatte]

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push it inSoran retched again, her whole body throwing itself forwards, she managed to stop herself actually being sick, but she could not stop the shaking in her limbs, the way her body convulsed, she stared at the floor again for a moment, her green eyes wandering over the notches and the patterns in the wood, she was trying desperately to calm herself, but she could not get the image of Hollow out of her mind, the way he had attacked her, pinned her against that tree and forced himself upon her, the very he had beaten her, the way she had had to relocate her fingers after that attack, when she had been no more than a crumpled sobbing heap upon the floor. The idea that Conri could have managed to have committed such a crime, the idea that he would have had that look in his eye, the wild evil look of a cruel wolf, the idea that he could behave like that made her feel so ill, she wasn't able to hate him, but she could still be ashamed and somewhat frightened that his father's evil genes had been passed on down to him. Finally she raised her head again as Savina spoke, apologising for what had happened, she did not know why, she was not to blame for his actions, he was the only one accountable for what he had done. "Don't apologise, it's not your fault." She replied, her voice hoarse as she fought to control her reactions. push it inAnd then her mirror image began to speak again, this time more seriously, she spoke of how he was not welcome here, the lady knew this, Naniko had made it perfectly clear, and that knowledge killed her, that what he had done, his stupid violent actions had ruined his chances of being happy, being with the wolves that he loved, knowing his pups. The idea that he would not be there for his children as she had not been there for Khaden and Dhalia, that killed her, especially as she knew the effect that that had upon them, Khaden had never forgiven her, not really, he had been cold and confused towards her everytime they had met, and Dhalia, Dhalia had become a cruel twisted creature, bent on destroying everything around her, not caring who she hurt in her quest of violence. She didn't want that for her grandchildren, though she doubted that any of them would turn out like that, not with Naniko as their mother, not with this pack around them, still the idea that he had lost them all forever killed her. push it inSavina asked her something that she could never promise then, she asked her not to get involved should anything bad happen to her son. It was true that the lady would indeed happily stand by if they just asked him to leave, if they convinced him to go without force, but should they attack him she did not know how she would act, when the coyotes had attacked her pack all those months ago she had fought to protect him, she had bared her teeth and claws and torn chunks from whichever one of them got near to her, got near to her packlands where Conri was. Her motherly instincts had blinded her against any other issue, even her own life. “Savina, you must understand that Conri is very important to me, he is my son, despite all that he has done, despite how disgusted I am the very idea that he would do anything like that, even though I doubt I'll ever be able to forgive him, I love him. He was there for me when I needed him most, he was my reason for living, after Summer” She paused, realising that she'd need to explain who she was, the older wolves would have known her straight away, she was well known, but Savina would have never met her. "My first mate, when she was murdered, I was ready to die, had I not have found out I was pregnant with him, I would have let myself just wither away, he was my salvation. I would happily help you convince him to leave the lands, I would even escort him away myself, so long as the warnings were verbal I would stand by. But should you attack him, though I doubt it would take that much to make him leave, I do not know how I would react, I would try, I would honestly try to stand by, but I would need to protect my son if it looked like he was going to be killed or wounded badly. I promise to try and stand by, that is all I can do, I honestly don't know how I'd react, for all I know if I ever see him again I'll attack him myself, the very thought of him makes me feel sick." She replied, struggling with the words, but trying to be as honest as possible, she hoped that Savina would understand, she did not want to put her grandchildren in any danger, though she doubted Conri would be any threat to them, she did not want to betray her pack or Naniko, but she knew that she would still see him through the rose-tinted glasses of motherhood, her love was unconditional, she was so close to hating him, but still she loved him.

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