Conor had never understood why her mother had taken them away from home and left them with a stranger. Unlike Emwe, Conor had never really warmed up to the man, no matter how nicely he had treated the two boys. He had been dominated by the feeling of being lost ever since, and after the horrible week alone in Halifax, it seemed to have a more permanent grip on him. Perhaps this was because everything had changed. His parents were separated and he did not understand why. His father mistreated him and he did not understand why. His mother had seemed to completely abandon him and he did not understand why. Conor did not understand why. Nothing made sense and there was always confusion in his heart. Wonderful Alexey managed to sooth his soul and give him sanctuary, but she did not live to serve him, and he always spent the nights alone in his father’s cabin. Emwe was there, but he was still all alone in the darkness, waiting for the monsters to finally get him.
Her voice carried his voice on to him so soothingly, and it created the horrible lump in his throat to grow, feed on his fear. She introduced herself as mommy, and he knew very well that this was what she was. Yet, she was not. The feeling of safety that had always made him feel safe around her had perished, and there was only sadness crashing down on him. His bottom lip shivered slightly, hinting of the raging storm of hurt inside of him. He had been holding his breath, and gave a deep inhale when he realized. It was let out again together with a single, angry word, ”No!”. Why did it have to be like this? Why did she not love him anymore? Why had everything changed? What cruel thing had Conor done to ruin his whole family? The brown boy blamed many, but mainly himself. He had ruined everything because he had never been good enough. Why?