05-22-2009, 01:15 AM
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He was amazed at how well she took the news. He sensed some panic in her for a moment, but it was nothing compared to what had happened to him. The world had started to spin around him and he couldn't focus on anything. Hell, he had actually gotten physically sick. How could she take it so calmly? Was it because she was a girl? Because she looked nothing like their father? Or was it because she had his broken being clinging to her like a life raft? Admittedly he was glad that she had handled it all better than he had. He just wished he knew what the difference was. The boy knew better than to ask though. That wouldn't help either of them any. At her words he only held her tighter. Haven hoped she was right. With every fiber of his being he hoped that were true. He would never do it willingly or in his right mind, that was certain. He just hoped he would never fully slip out of his right mind.
The image of their snowy mother flashed before his eyes and he had to concentrate on keeping his stomach from lurching. Even though some part of him knew that she loved him, he knew how hard it must be for her to look at him. Her son that resembled her attacker almost to a T. That was one of the reasons he knew he couldn't go back. He didn't want to cause her anymore unnecessary pain. "I can't go back Mati..." The words came out as a whisper, and even that took all the effort he could muster. She wouldn't understand, he knew she wouldn't, how could she? Even he didn't understand fully. "It's not that I don't need your help, I do...I just...can't..." His life was a royal mess and he needed to sort that out. He couldn't do it on his own, no, but he couldn't do it in Crimson Dreams either.
He was amazed at how well she took the news. He sensed some panic in her for a moment, but it was nothing compared to what had happened to him. The world had started to spin around him and he couldn't focus on anything. Hell, he had actually gotten physically sick. How could she take it so calmly? Was it because she was a girl? Because she looked nothing like their father? Or was it because she had his broken being clinging to her like a life raft? Admittedly he was glad that she had handled it all better than he had. He just wished he knew what the difference was. The boy knew better than to ask though. That wouldn't help either of them any. At her words he only held her tighter. Haven hoped she was right. With every fiber of his being he hoped that were true. He would never do it willingly or in his right mind, that was certain. He just hoped he would never fully slip out of his right mind.
The image of their snowy mother flashed before his eyes and he had to concentrate on keeping his stomach from lurching. Even though some part of him knew that she loved him, he knew how hard it must be for her to look at him. Her son that resembled her attacker almost to a T. That was one of the reasons he knew he couldn't go back. He didn't want to cause her anymore unnecessary pain. "I can't go back Mati..." The words came out as a whisper, and even that took all the effort he could muster. She wouldn't understand, he knew she wouldn't, how could she? Even he didn't understand fully. "It's not that I don't need your help, I do...I just...can't..." His life was a royal mess and he needed to sort that out. He couldn't do it on his own, no, but he couldn't do it in Crimson Dreams either.