07-31-2009, 02:29 AM
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OOC: Thanks loads! ::Word Count:: 500+
Urma set her head on her front paws, trying to take in all the information and at the same time, push it away. It seemed too much to accept as reality. How could this happen, how could this be true when her reality of him was that last night they'd spent counting stars, grateful for each other's presence? All the times she had blamed herself for his disappearance, how eventually the desire to find him and the guilt of staying amongst pack members she thought she had driven him away from had forced her to leave, all the emotions she had experienced whenever she had glimpsed a bit of white fur in the distance, these things all came back to Urma now, chanting to her in her head how wrong she had been every time. Back when she had left, convinced Pilot's absence was somehow her fault, she had thought that if that theory were ever to be proved wrong, she'd felt relieved, happy maybe. But now she felt none of those things. In a way, she didn't think she would ever feel any of those things, now that she knew him to be further away with every step she took in the pack's direction.
But Savina's next words brought a glimmer of hope back in Urma's eyes. If Apollo was back, he'd know where Pilot was. Where he had to be. Her body seemed to ache less at the prospect that after a few hours' rest she could finally turn back to the road and find him. But, as she tried to push herself up and realized she was far better off on the ground, she understood it would be at least a few days before she could even consider the possibility of leaving again. She wondered, replaying all that Savina had told her in her head, whether he'd ever mentioned her, when he met Savina. Urma didn't want to ask. It seemed the least important thing. She'd understand how he might not have thought about her, after all that had happened to him. Her voice was cracked as she finally said, "How long was he hidden by Inferni? How did he manage to escape? What happened to him? Did he ever come back?"
To look for her, was how she had meant that to end. It was hard not being a bit selfish, and Urma hated herself for that. She had no idea what he had gone through, and it was to be expected that Savina couldn't know everything herself. No one could, except for him. But if he had run away, he probably didn't intend to tell anyone. She should have stayed. Maybe if he had found her, he wouldn't have left himself. It broke her heart to pieces to know that she had left out of love for him, searching for him everywhere, and that maybe all it would have taken was for her to be there for him, to have waited a while longer. She closed her eyes, pushing back tears, knowing she had been so hasty to leave in search of him because she had lost a mate like that, out of patience. So why had she lost Pilot now too? Why always because of the wrong decision?
Urma set her head on her front paws, trying to take in all the information and at the same time, push it away. It seemed too much to accept as reality. How could this happen, how could this be true when her reality of him was that last night they'd spent counting stars, grateful for each other's presence? All the times she had blamed herself for his disappearance, how eventually the desire to find him and the guilt of staying amongst pack members she thought she had driven him away from had forced her to leave, all the emotions she had experienced whenever she had glimpsed a bit of white fur in the distance, these things all came back to Urma now, chanting to her in her head how wrong she had been every time. Back when she had left, convinced Pilot's absence was somehow her fault, she had thought that if that theory were ever to be proved wrong, she'd felt relieved, happy maybe. But now she felt none of those things. In a way, she didn't think she would ever feel any of those things, now that she knew him to be further away with every step she took in the pack's direction.
But Savina's next words brought a glimmer of hope back in Urma's eyes. If Apollo was back, he'd know where Pilot was. Where he had to be. Her body seemed to ache less at the prospect that after a few hours' rest she could finally turn back to the road and find him. But, as she tried to push herself up and realized she was far better off on the ground, she understood it would be at least a few days before she could even consider the possibility of leaving again. She wondered, replaying all that Savina had told her in her head, whether he'd ever mentioned her, when he met Savina. Urma didn't want to ask. It seemed the least important thing. She'd understand how he might not have thought about her, after all that had happened to him. Her voice was cracked as she finally said, "How long was he hidden by Inferni? How did he manage to escape? What happened to him? Did he ever come back?"
To look for her, was how she had meant that to end. It was hard not being a bit selfish, and Urma hated herself for that. She had no idea what he had gone through, and it was to be expected that Savina couldn't know everything herself. No one could, except for him. But if he had run away, he probably didn't intend to tell anyone. She should have stayed. Maybe if he had found her, he wouldn't have left himself. It broke her heart to pieces to know that she had left out of love for him, searching for him everywhere, and that maybe all it would have taken was for her to be there for him, to have waited a while longer. She closed her eyes, pushing back tears, knowing she had been so hasty to leave in search of him because she had lost a mate like that, out of patience. So why had she lost Pilot now too? Why always because of the wrong decision?
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