08-02-2009, 02:36 PM
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OOC: No worries 
::Word Count:: 600+
The silence dragged on after Savina spoke. It seemed hard for Urma to find any words she could say. It was reassuring to know Pilot was happy, but no one could know that for sure. Indeed, the fact that he might have found his family was a nice prospect, but it was far from a certainty. Maybe this was what kept Urma in this indecisive state-- any good things she hoped were now happening to Pilot could easily be true, but they could just as easily be a source of false hope. She appreciated the fact that Savina was reticent in reassuring her about anything-- without their knowing, those reassuring thoughts could by far be only hopeless dreams. And Urma was more or less sick of dreaming happy endings to a story that she couldn't even control, nor change the course of. It didn't make her feel any better that she was here, where he wasn't, and that wherever he was, she could not be.
Urma appreciated Savina's closeness, and she curled up closer to her friend in an attempt to close the gaping chasm between her misfortunes and her desires. She hoped her unexpected absence hadn't caused a rift between them, hadn't affected their friendship. Urma had lost enough already to want to hold firmly onto what she had left. She let out a sigh, managing to control her tears and patch herself up somewhat. The night air helped numb up her senses, and the earth allowed her to cool down, her stomach pressed against it to keep herself from experiencing the draining feeling coursing throughout her body. Her thoughts battled for priority in her head, and she tried in vain to push them somewhere to the back of her head. She had never imagined a life without Pilot there, somewhere, even as a friend, no matter how many feelings that would sacrifice.
"I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to bear any of my burdens' weight with me. I'm sorry I left like that. I should have told you, or Naniko. Or anyone else, really. Just... someone. But... I felt I couldn't consider this my home if he wasn't here, or at least somewhere I could visit him. No one knew where he was. I panicked. I thought of everything while I was looking for him. I thought of what he'd say when he'd come back to Crimson Dreams and he wouldn't find me and no one would know what to tell him. I thought he'd think I left him. I was afraid I'd break his heart without even meaning to. I imagined coming here a million different ways. The things we'd say to each other, the way we'd spend our nights awake, under starlit skies, as if we had never been apart at all. I never thought I wouldn't find him here either." Urma spoke with sincerity, but also with a pain in her voice that came from the innermost reaches of her heart. It seemed difficult to put into words all that she felt, but she also knew that she needed to let it out. "I left my first pack and Europe because I couldn't cope with my first mate's death. I came here and I found Pilot and I finally belonged in a way I never thought I would, again. And now he is gone, and he is nowhere that I can follow, and it's almost as if he were dead, yet worse, because he is still living a life somewhere. A life that is his and not ours. And yet, I can't leave. I'm tired of running." Her eyes stared ahead at the endless stretch of land that belonged to Crimson Dreams.
::Word Count:: 600+The silence dragged on after Savina spoke. It seemed hard for Urma to find any words she could say. It was reassuring to know Pilot was happy, but no one could know that for sure. Indeed, the fact that he might have found his family was a nice prospect, but it was far from a certainty. Maybe this was what kept Urma in this indecisive state-- any good things she hoped were now happening to Pilot could easily be true, but they could just as easily be a source of false hope. She appreciated the fact that Savina was reticent in reassuring her about anything-- without their knowing, those reassuring thoughts could by far be only hopeless dreams. And Urma was more or less sick of dreaming happy endings to a story that she couldn't even control, nor change the course of. It didn't make her feel any better that she was here, where he wasn't, and that wherever he was, she could not be.
Urma appreciated Savina's closeness, and she curled up closer to her friend in an attempt to close the gaping chasm between her misfortunes and her desires. She hoped her unexpected absence hadn't caused a rift between them, hadn't affected their friendship. Urma had lost enough already to want to hold firmly onto what she had left. She let out a sigh, managing to control her tears and patch herself up somewhat. The night air helped numb up her senses, and the earth allowed her to cool down, her stomach pressed against it to keep herself from experiencing the draining feeling coursing throughout her body. Her thoughts battled for priority in her head, and she tried in vain to push them somewhere to the back of her head. She had never imagined a life without Pilot there, somewhere, even as a friend, no matter how many feelings that would sacrifice.
"I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to bear any of my burdens' weight with me. I'm sorry I left like that. I should have told you, or Naniko. Or anyone else, really. Just... someone. But... I felt I couldn't consider this my home if he wasn't here, or at least somewhere I could visit him. No one knew where he was. I panicked. I thought of everything while I was looking for him. I thought of what he'd say when he'd come back to Crimson Dreams and he wouldn't find me and no one would know what to tell him. I thought he'd think I left him. I was afraid I'd break his heart without even meaning to. I imagined coming here a million different ways. The things we'd say to each other, the way we'd spend our nights awake, under starlit skies, as if we had never been apart at all. I never thought I wouldn't find him here either." Urma spoke with sincerity, but also with a pain in her voice that came from the innermost reaches of her heart. It seemed difficult to put into words all that she felt, but she also knew that she needed to let it out. "I left my first pack and Europe because I couldn't cope with my first mate's death. I came here and I found Pilot and I finally belonged in a way I never thought I would, again. And now he is gone, and he is nowhere that I can follow, and it's almost as if he were dead, yet worse, because he is still living a life somewhere. A life that is his and not ours. And yet, I can't leave. I'm tired of running." Her eyes stared ahead at the endless stretch of land that belonged to Crimson Dreams.
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