08-03-2009, 03:35 PM
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OOC: ::Word Count:: 500+
Urma was grateful for the comforting words Savina was saying, and she knew they were heartfelt as much as Urma's own words were. It dawned on her she was lucky to have friends like Savina, especially in times when trust and safety were a rare thing, as Pilot's unfortunate ordeal had proved her. At the same moment that she registered Savina's flinch, she realized that she hadn't asked a thing until now about how either Naniko or Savina were doing. She let out another sigh, smaller this time, realizing how unthoughtful she had been, so wrapped up around her own misfortunes, even if they were by no means small in scale and dimension and depth. She took a deep breath, to steady herself and maybe even try a little harder to sound more cheerful. But nothing except finally being in a place she had come to consider her home and spending time with her friends were capable of making her happy.
"I've just realised... I got so worked up around my problems. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to listen to all of this. There's nothing anyone can do to change the way things went." This last statement, though final, granted Urma none of the closure that she hoped she'd find. Maybe if she wanted that, she'd have to say it to herself over and over again, like a litany. "It's been inconsiderate and rude of me not to ask, and I'm sorry, but how are you? How's Naniko? How has everyone been? Any changes in the pack since I was gone... I mean...", her voice died down to a slow, desolate whisper, "...except Pilot's departure." She wasn't even sure she knew if that was what it was. Just sitting down in the grass, looking at the sky and the expanse of territory around her, few things had ever seemed so complicated in her life. She'd seen enough to last her a lifetime, and experienced things maybe not many had. After her awful experience on the boat leaving from Europe and her discovering the changes triggered as a consequence of it, she had thought nothing good would ever become of her. And maybe, had she not found Pilot, her life would have taken a different course altogether. It was almost painful to think how much Pilot's mere presence had changed her, how much his words gave her, without ever demanding anything in return.
And then she said it. Without even meaning to, without even consciously realizing she had said it out loud. Clear, yet shaky, her voice rang through the air, almost amplified by the silence. Her entire body shuddered as the aftermath of what had just been said enveloped her. Urma hadn't for a second expected it to just come out like that, without her even being fully certain it was something she wouldn't have rather kept as a secret, although it was probably known by their friend's by now. It was so simple, so certain, as if she had never known any other certainty in her life besides this one. It frightened her that she thought like that, that she had been capable of coming up with such a dreadful idea. But it had been said, and that made it possibly more real than if it had been just in her head. "I love him. I wish he had never loved me, though, so it wouldn't hurt him like it hurts me."
Urma was grateful for the comforting words Savina was saying, and she knew they were heartfelt as much as Urma's own words were. It dawned on her she was lucky to have friends like Savina, especially in times when trust and safety were a rare thing, as Pilot's unfortunate ordeal had proved her. At the same moment that she registered Savina's flinch, she realized that she hadn't asked a thing until now about how either Naniko or Savina were doing. She let out another sigh, smaller this time, realizing how unthoughtful she had been, so wrapped up around her own misfortunes, even if they were by no means small in scale and dimension and depth. She took a deep breath, to steady herself and maybe even try a little harder to sound more cheerful. But nothing except finally being in a place she had come to consider her home and spending time with her friends were capable of making her happy.
"I've just realised... I got so worked up around my problems. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to listen to all of this. There's nothing anyone can do to change the way things went." This last statement, though final, granted Urma none of the closure that she hoped she'd find. Maybe if she wanted that, she'd have to say it to herself over and over again, like a litany. "It's been inconsiderate and rude of me not to ask, and I'm sorry, but how are you? How's Naniko? How has everyone been? Any changes in the pack since I was gone... I mean...", her voice died down to a slow, desolate whisper, "...except Pilot's departure." She wasn't even sure she knew if that was what it was. Just sitting down in the grass, looking at the sky and the expanse of territory around her, few things had ever seemed so complicated in her life. She'd seen enough to last her a lifetime, and experienced things maybe not many had. After her awful experience on the boat leaving from Europe and her discovering the changes triggered as a consequence of it, she had thought nothing good would ever become of her. And maybe, had she not found Pilot, her life would have taken a different course altogether. It was almost painful to think how much Pilot's mere presence had changed her, how much his words gave her, without ever demanding anything in return.
And then she said it. Without even meaning to, without even consciously realizing she had said it out loud. Clear, yet shaky, her voice rang through the air, almost amplified by the silence. Her entire body shuddered as the aftermath of what had just been said enveloped her. Urma hadn't for a second expected it to just come out like that, without her even being fully certain it was something she wouldn't have rather kept as a secret, although it was probably known by their friend's by now. It was so simple, so certain, as if she had never known any other certainty in her life besides this one. It frightened her that she thought like that, that she had been capable of coming up with such a dreadful idea. But it had been said, and that made it possibly more real than if it had been just in her head. "I love him. I wish he had never loved me, though, so it wouldn't hurt him like it hurts me."
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