08-05-2009, 03:29 AM
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OOC: ::Word Count:: 700+
Urma nodded appreciatively when Savina told her she felt it was only natural of her to be there for Urma, before saying "Thank you." But then the news about Naniko flooded Urma's system. She didn't how much she could still take, before exhaustion, stress, disappointment and worry took the better of her. She had asked about Naniko solely because she wanted to know how her friend was, but had never imagined that she wouldn't be fine, or even in Crimson Dreams, for that matter. Her mind could only register the shocking side of the story: in every book she'd ever read, drugs were a sign of weakness, of trying to find an escape route to something, instead of facing it and trying to deal with it. But somehow, that couldn't be Naniko, the determined wolf who had raised pups and had abandoned the idea of a flimsy Twilight Vale in the hopes of creating a better, safer home for them. Naniko had always had ideas about things, about her friends or about herself. Thinking of Naniko as trying to find release, more even, dragging others into her mess, just didn't seem like the wolf Urma had known.
What was even more depressing was that it seemed there was no limit to how many disappointments one could take. Urma wished she could have been here when this all happened, no matter how much it would have affected to see her friend like that; while she didn't credit herself with being able to stop her from what she was doing, or make her think otherwise, she could have at least been there for Savina, who had had to see her own child and her friend and Commander destroying themselves. Urma shifted position on the ground, trying to be as close as she could to Savina, and returning the nuzzle on the neck gratefully. "I'm sorry to hear all this. But hopefully, things are better now. Your daughter will be fine, as long as she's where you are. And I'm sure you're doing just as good a job as Naniko as leader, if not better." She realized that to most, those words would have sounded fake, but she trusted the tone of her voice to let Savina know that the words were sincere. Even if Urma didn't feel the same aversion towards Naniko as Savina did, she understood that the ebony wolf had seen everything, had lived it even alongside her daughter. Of course the magnitude at which she saw it was bigger than the proportion Urma gave the situation. And while by no means did Urma think Naniko had done anything right, her anger wasn't as strong, because she hadn't seen it, and her image of Naniko remained as strong and confident.
This was more or less like with Pilot. She couldn't begin to fathom the scale of his pain and how far his endurance had been pushed while in Inferni, couldn't even try to think how he had felt there, hadn't even glimpsed him after his ordeal, and all these factors contributed not to her forming an image of how it must have been, but to reinforcing the last image she had had of him. She understood that Pilot couldn't be that same wolf anymore, but the absence of any other visual image made it imperative to her mind to strengthen her memories as Pilot safe. Not only that, but her heart was broken just by his not being here, which made it highly unlikely that she could bear the thought that he was still just as miserable as the experience in Inferni had made him. She wanted her friends to be the kind of wolves she had always known, she needed the reassurance that it would all be okay. Destroying every complete image she had only made it harder for her to think she had come back to the same pack she had left behind. Urma looked at Savina, thinking about all these things. "Don't you sometimes wish it could be easier? That you could have some time... just you, and Kansas and the pups. Without the probems. Without the worries." She paused a bit, sighing, trying not to sadden Savina as she continued, "It always seemed unfair to me that asking for the simplest things in life only made destiny choose not to always give them to you. Had anyone asked for all this havoc, they would have had peace and quiet. Somehow, asking for the primordial need to be safe, the simplest and most basic need, you get offered a lot of mess that you have to sort through."
Urma nodded appreciatively when Savina told her she felt it was only natural of her to be there for Urma, before saying "Thank you." But then the news about Naniko flooded Urma's system. She didn't how much she could still take, before exhaustion, stress, disappointment and worry took the better of her. She had asked about Naniko solely because she wanted to know how her friend was, but had never imagined that she wouldn't be fine, or even in Crimson Dreams, for that matter. Her mind could only register the shocking side of the story: in every book she'd ever read, drugs were a sign of weakness, of trying to find an escape route to something, instead of facing it and trying to deal with it. But somehow, that couldn't be Naniko, the determined wolf who had raised pups and had abandoned the idea of a flimsy Twilight Vale in the hopes of creating a better, safer home for them. Naniko had always had ideas about things, about her friends or about herself. Thinking of Naniko as trying to find release, more even, dragging others into her mess, just didn't seem like the wolf Urma had known.
What was even more depressing was that it seemed there was no limit to how many disappointments one could take. Urma wished she could have been here when this all happened, no matter how much it would have affected to see her friend like that; while she didn't credit herself with being able to stop her from what she was doing, or make her think otherwise, she could have at least been there for Savina, who had had to see her own child and her friend and Commander destroying themselves. Urma shifted position on the ground, trying to be as close as she could to Savina, and returning the nuzzle on the neck gratefully. "I'm sorry to hear all this. But hopefully, things are better now. Your daughter will be fine, as long as she's where you are. And I'm sure you're doing just as good a job as Naniko as leader, if not better." She realized that to most, those words would have sounded fake, but she trusted the tone of her voice to let Savina know that the words were sincere. Even if Urma didn't feel the same aversion towards Naniko as Savina did, she understood that the ebony wolf had seen everything, had lived it even alongside her daughter. Of course the magnitude at which she saw it was bigger than the proportion Urma gave the situation. And while by no means did Urma think Naniko had done anything right, her anger wasn't as strong, because she hadn't seen it, and her image of Naniko remained as strong and confident.
This was more or less like with Pilot. She couldn't begin to fathom the scale of his pain and how far his endurance had been pushed while in Inferni, couldn't even try to think how he had felt there, hadn't even glimpsed him after his ordeal, and all these factors contributed not to her forming an image of how it must have been, but to reinforcing the last image she had had of him. She understood that Pilot couldn't be that same wolf anymore, but the absence of any other visual image made it imperative to her mind to strengthen her memories as Pilot safe. Not only that, but her heart was broken just by his not being here, which made it highly unlikely that she could bear the thought that he was still just as miserable as the experience in Inferni had made him. She wanted her friends to be the kind of wolves she had always known, she needed the reassurance that it would all be okay. Destroying every complete image she had only made it harder for her to think she had come back to the same pack she had left behind. Urma looked at Savina, thinking about all these things. "Don't you sometimes wish it could be easier? That you could have some time... just you, and Kansas and the pups. Without the probems. Without the worries." She paused a bit, sighing, trying not to sadden Savina as she continued, "It always seemed unfair to me that asking for the simplest things in life only made destiny choose not to always give them to you. Had anyone asked for all this havoc, they would have had peace and quiet. Somehow, asking for the primordial need to be safe, the simplest and most basic need, you get offered a lot of mess that you have to sort through."
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