08-28-2009, 04:08 AM
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OOC: Of course it's not crappy ^^;; ::Word Count:: 600+
The silence gave the pale femme time to mule on her thoughts more thoroughly. It helped her uncover the memory of her trip to Halifax and her conversation with Naniko. It was an encounter on which she hadn't dwelt outside of her discussion with Ehno, which she knew not to be wise to bring up here. But now there was something else troubling her related to what she had found out in the city. Back then, although a nagging thought in the back of her head, it had gone without troubling her too much; now, however, the thought that both Pilot and his former mate were alone, their chances of encounter slim but not completely unlikely, made her head spin. After all that she had found out from Gabriel concerning Pilot, she felt torn between her complete trust in the white male and the certain tone with which the Aquila had spoken to her about the situation in which the former Crimson Dreamer had found himself while in Inferni lands.
Savina's shock came as little surprise to the white female. It was only natural, and Urma still confronted her own demons about how she had been able to so readily accept the coyote's explanation. How come the nature things had taken could shock anyone but her. It was as if her suffering, her fears and her shattered ambitions and hopes for the future, made her immune to anymore hurt. It was as if she had gathered so much pain inside of her that there was no more space for more, making any piece of information that should naturally affect her simply bounce off her. This desolation threatened to suffocate her, and each breath seemed as useless as the one before. No matter how much Urma had tried to find shelter in the stories of different lands conjured by someone's imagination, she had found nothing but a false sense of hope there, hope which only managed to delay her disappointment, not override it. She looked at her dark friend with sorrow in her eyes, the longing for a chance of finally finding Pilot slowly ebbing away. "Because there was nothing he could do. This story... It is not mine to tell. Nothing you or I have imagined happened to Pilot is true. That's all I can tell you. That's all I should know, myself." Her grief took hold of her again, but her mind was made up that she held no right to say what had been said to her to anyone, unless Pilot wished so. "I urged him to tell me all he knew, though I could see he found no delectation in it. I never thought I'd hear what I heard. I am keeping a secret that is not mine, but circumstances force me to bear part of his weight." She felt a deep sense of loss, deepening the chasm between her and Pilot, but also giving way to a new kind of bond between them.
A thought occurred to her, and she looked at her ebony companion more closely as she slowly asked, "Are you sure Pilot is looking for his family? There are more things now for me to worry about." Her heart felt poisoned with anguish. She sighed a deep, solitary sigh. She closed her eyes, sensing the dimension of the world and the intricate subtleties it was fueled by. "I am afraid that while I sit here, waiting for... a miracle, perhaps? While I'm sitting here, he may forget me. Distance and time are helpful healers, but they are also cunning ones." Her voice was faint as she struggled to continue. "His former mate survived the fire. And while I don't claim to know her, nor should I claim to have right to bear her any grudges, I fear losing him to her. I look back on my first days in these lands, and there is not one thing that doesn't remind me of him." An incredibly sad smile appeared on her muzzle. "I have this image... this image of us happy. She had her time. I don't want to be robbed of the little, if any, that might be given to me."
The silence gave the pale femme time to mule on her thoughts more thoroughly. It helped her uncover the memory of her trip to Halifax and her conversation with Naniko. It was an encounter on which she hadn't dwelt outside of her discussion with Ehno, which she knew not to be wise to bring up here. But now there was something else troubling her related to what she had found out in the city. Back then, although a nagging thought in the back of her head, it had gone without troubling her too much; now, however, the thought that both Pilot and his former mate were alone, their chances of encounter slim but not completely unlikely, made her head spin. After all that she had found out from Gabriel concerning Pilot, she felt torn between her complete trust in the white male and the certain tone with which the Aquila had spoken to her about the situation in which the former Crimson Dreamer had found himself while in Inferni lands.
Savina's shock came as little surprise to the white female. It was only natural, and Urma still confronted her own demons about how she had been able to so readily accept the coyote's explanation. How come the nature things had taken could shock anyone but her. It was as if her suffering, her fears and her shattered ambitions and hopes for the future, made her immune to anymore hurt. It was as if she had gathered so much pain inside of her that there was no more space for more, making any piece of information that should naturally affect her simply bounce off her. This desolation threatened to suffocate her, and each breath seemed as useless as the one before. No matter how much Urma had tried to find shelter in the stories of different lands conjured by someone's imagination, she had found nothing but a false sense of hope there, hope which only managed to delay her disappointment, not override it. She looked at her dark friend with sorrow in her eyes, the longing for a chance of finally finding Pilot slowly ebbing away. "Because there was nothing he could do. This story... It is not mine to tell. Nothing you or I have imagined happened to Pilot is true. That's all I can tell you. That's all I should know, myself." Her grief took hold of her again, but her mind was made up that she held no right to say what had been said to her to anyone, unless Pilot wished so. "I urged him to tell me all he knew, though I could see he found no delectation in it. I never thought I'd hear what I heard. I am keeping a secret that is not mine, but circumstances force me to bear part of his weight." She felt a deep sense of loss, deepening the chasm between her and Pilot, but also giving way to a new kind of bond between them.
A thought occurred to her, and she looked at her ebony companion more closely as she slowly asked, "Are you sure Pilot is looking for his family? There are more things now for me to worry about." Her heart felt poisoned with anguish. She sighed a deep, solitary sigh. She closed her eyes, sensing the dimension of the world and the intricate subtleties it was fueled by. "I am afraid that while I sit here, waiting for... a miracle, perhaps? While I'm sitting here, he may forget me. Distance and time are helpful healers, but they are also cunning ones." Her voice was faint as she struggled to continue. "His former mate survived the fire. And while I don't claim to know her, nor should I claim to have right to bear her any grudges, I fear losing him to her. I look back on my first days in these lands, and there is not one thing that doesn't remind me of him." An incredibly sad smile appeared on her muzzle. "I have this image... this image of us happy. She had her time. I don't want to be robbed of the little, if any, that might be given to me."
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