The air grew cold, even as the two females had grown so close. The heat was lost in the truth that lingered between them, as well as the question that had been asked. Anu didn’t understand, did not know what it was to want to be dead. Life was all that she knew, for there was nothing past this existence. The notion of another had been spoken before, along with angels and hell and heaven. But Anu could not see those things being true, not in the way that would allow for another life after this one. So Colibri would have wished to be gone, forever. And now, as she spoke her answer, she did not know if it was death she sought or if it was life. Anu felt the thin fingers encircle her wrist, the pressure of their hold distracting from the thoughts that tore at her heart’s edges. The weight of their pressure made Anu let go, her hand grown weak, and falling away from Coli’s face. It fell to her neck, the tips of her finger fearfully touching the soft fur for a stolen moment.
There were no words, nothing that Anu could say that would bring the hope back into the other’s heart, the confusion and the sadness still lingering in her mind. Eyes had fallen away, not sure what to look at, though they needed to be forced to look away. It was not until the uneasy words came from her mouth that Anu let them take her face in again. Did she? Anu looked at the brown and cream colored female, the question evolving and surrounding every aspect of the woman. Did she want this? Did she want to try again after having been apart, after having been a reason for one to take their life, and at the same moment a reason for them to live? She did not notice that her breath had heightened, no longer the low and calm that was its normal.
“Yes.” Anu spoke, the weight of emotion stealing her voice. She wanted her to try, wished that she would. Anu was too weak to stand and say Colibri needed to live on her own accord. She just wanted her to live, for any reason. It was selfish to want her, in any form and in any way. But Anu needed her. She knew that the young fey saw her as strength, but it was not true. She was just as weak as any. Her bravery as pulled from thin air and nothing but blatant risk. Leaping from a cliff and hoping that there would be someone there to catch her. Falling, again and again. Anu had wanted to be rescued, wanted to be caught and held. She needed to her as much as Colibri needed a reason to live. “I want to help you.” Anu spoke in a whisper. She didn’t need to live alone, didn’t need to go it alone any longer. “Let me help you.” they could be courageous together, holding on to one another to keep from falling.
Anu let her hand battle gravities pull and felt the soft fur of her back. It was tentative and light, no pressure in the touch. Her fingertips explored the cashmere pelt as if it was the first time she had ever touched her. There was something new about the touch, gravity no longer keeping them grounded and instead shifting to pull them together. Anu fought it, hesitating incase the other female had suddenly decided that she no longer wished to be held.
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