[M] [P] Pain is a God.

Lucia Cabriel · 09-13-2010, 06:05 PM

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WC: 1,296. <3

It would appear that her attempt to pretend everything was okay had failed. Kaena had seen right through it, the words escaping the coyote’s mouth causing Lucia to wince, tail flicking uncomfortably beneath her. Her ears curled back against her head momentarily, as though resembling a daughter being scolded, and those emerald coals stared shamefully at the blood-spotted earth. Though a strange reaction, it was not unexpected. Lucia had little link with the memory of her family, and even less respect for it – she had watched her mother die at the paws of her father, and she had slain her father in cold blood. She supposed, for whatever reason, Kaena resembled a glimmer of what a mother should be like – the first friendly face Lucia had stumbled upon when she had sought to join Inferni, and the only one to understand fully why she had done such things. She understood Lucia, unlike the majority, and so, the ebony wolf found comfort in the Centurion’s presence, a small spark of admiration forming in that very moment, as Lucia lay there, bleeding and bruised, watched over by the very woman who had helped her join the pack in the first place.

“Shit…” breathed the ebony female, unable to form a better response to the stern words of the motherly coyote. She couldn’t hold her gaze, nor could she work her brain properly. She wanted to speak, say something insightful, but all that could be found was pain… a lot of pain – and even more hatred for herself. She couldn’t recall the night’s events fully, nor could she figure out how she had let herself get into this situation. Why hadn’t she fought back, and why hadn’t she stayed to get him back… Wait, she knew why. An image of Snake blurred over her tear-lined optics, and the ebony female growled quietly. Love seemed pointless; it seemed like a stupid reason to be like this. She hated feeling it, she hated its existence. She wanted it to go, she wanted it to disappear, and she wanted the meeting of her and Snake to have never happened. Then this pain would go away, this situation wouldn’t have happened, and Lucia could have done her usual thing – drink, be alone and fade into the night. Oh, wait. She did that any way. Nothing had changed.

“Okay… I’m not alright.” Her words trailed off, blending in with Kaena’s own words. She had inquired about the name that Lucia spoke – though she couldn’t remember what she had said. “Huh?” A confused look filtered over the obsidian maw of the Inferni Outsider – she couldn’t remember speaking, or the name she had said. “I… err,” she stuttered, looking around frantically as though having walked into a brick wall. There was frustration in her eyes, anger in her heart – why couldn’t she remember? What had happened tonight? Damn them all to hell, and damn Daisuke too. Even if his name wasn’t in her memory anymore, she would find him – she knew he loved Snake, so she was sure that if Snake found her, he wouldn’t be too far behind. It was only a matter of time, revenge would be hers. She would kill him if it was the last thing she lived for. He deserved to die, he deserved to suffer – and she would make him suffer like never before. Oh, how the images of tearing his throat out brought warmth to her heart, and made her smile – inside, of course. The agony in her nerve-endings prevented such displays of emotion. Her face became a twisted canvass of pain and distaste, and Lucia turned back to Kaena. She felt so useless, so pathetic – did Kaena see her in the same light? Paranoia was a bitch.

“I… I can’t remember. Fuck!” There was depression in her eyes, the fiery passion had faded and blown away in the wind. All she could think about was how Snake would respond to seeing her like this – would he turn his back and scoff at her? Would he see her as a weak link because she hadn’t stood her ground? It scared her, terrified her more than she could even comprehend. She couldn’t allow Daisuke to win, even if he had escaped her memory – she remembered his face, his scent… that was all that mattered. If he loved Snake as much as he claimed, surely her lover would know the male. If he did, maybe he would allow Lucia the gift of tearing out his beating heart. Or, maybe, just maybe – Snake loved him back. What if they were in it together? What if… Lucia’s brain felt like it would explode. She wanted to punch something, kill something – she wanted to drink herself into a coma. This was all too much to handle, this paranoia – this pain. Oh, how her ribs ached.

“I’m sorry… I can’t remember what I said!” Lucia finally admitted, her pride evaporating into the air like a plume of frozen carbon dioxide. “Snake knows him though…” She added quietly, a flare of hate on her tongue. The jealousy was rising, could Kaena tell? Could she relate? “…The creepy son-of-a-bitch is obsessed with Snake, claims to love him, and all that shit! Has Snake mentioned him to you?” There was a pleading light in her toxic coals. Begging the Centurion for a scrap of information, a particle of comfort that someone knew what she was talking about. She waited, as patiently as she could – staring emptily at the female. She couldn’t breathe properly, she couldn’t think. Her lungs throbbed, her heart slammed against her ribcage; every muscle burned, and she could feel a tickle in her throat. This was irritating – this was love.

Raising her arm, the ebony female coughed – blood dribbled down her chin. Her eyes had begun to squint, the swelling pushing them back; vision blurred, and her blood across her face. There was hatred in the beating she had received – that was clearer than any blue sky. This was an unspoken war, and Lucia would have to pull out the big guns. But, that would come later – much later. The element of surprise was her friend in that method, though such methods could be considered madness… after all, crazy she was, and that would show more and more now that Daisuke had released the beast within her. If only she knew the damage, the permanent scars. It was deeper than the bruises, deeper than the veins in which were exposed and leaking – it was the trigger of the .44, the button to the nuclear bomb; Lucia’s inner-demon had been revealed, and had tasted life. It was the start of her own personal hell, and she didn’t even know it. Oh, how the pain would grow. How she would suffer in the name of love.

“Okay… If we have to…” Her voice mumbled, almost inaudible, as she looked to the ground shamefully. Lucia didn’t want him to see her like this – but it had to be done. It was protocol; it was the joy of being in a pack. He would see her – he would hate it. Would he leave her? She would soon find out. “Will he hate me?” Lucia blurted out, finally. The paranoia had become too much. Lucia’s crying eyes met Kaena’s – the ebony wolf seemed so innocent, so scared; this wasn’t the same female who had strolled over the borders, nor was it the same wolf who had seduced her soldier on the shorelines that day. Where had that woman gone? Why had Daisuke done this? It was a screwed up situation, and it was clear as the sky itself, Lucia was well and truly fucked up. “Do you think he will leave me for being such a weak, pathetic fuck up?”

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