12-07-2010, 07:23 PM
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It's alright :] But please, please, please watch your writing. You should be writing in third person, past tense. Instead of saying "Cotl would open the door for them" it should be phrased as "Cotl opened the door for them". I get very confused with what has actually happened and what he "would" do.
She nodded when he spoke of his son. A quiet boy, Cotl's? No. The male had always been very talkative to her. But then if his son hadn't been raised around him, maybe he would end up different. Ember never really wondered what her kids would be like. They would have been evil, she felt certain. They would have been rapists, murderers, and probably worse.
She walked alongside Cotl through the forests of Inferni, taking in the surrounding. She didn't even bother trying to smell anything out with the mish-mash of scents surrounding her, simply walking and observing the things around her. They got to his traps then came toward the mansion and she looked up at it. Such a big building! Ember walked through the gate when he held it for them. ”Thanks.”
Ember walked through the front door, waiting for him before going any farther in. Even with Cotl she still had the nagging feeling that she was in trouble, somehow. Or that she would be if he was discovered with her here. ”This is a really nice place...I like it”
She nodded when he spoke of his son. A quiet boy, Cotl's? No. The male had always been very talkative to her. But then if his son hadn't been raised around him, maybe he would end up different. Ember never really wondered what her kids would be like. They would have been evil, she felt certain. They would have been rapists, murderers, and probably worse.
She walked alongside Cotl through the forests of Inferni, taking in the surrounding. She didn't even bother trying to smell anything out with the mish-mash of scents surrounding her, simply walking and observing the things around her. They got to his traps then came toward the mansion and she looked up at it. Such a big building! Ember walked through the gate when he held it for them. ”Thanks.”
Ember walked through the front door, waiting for him before going any farther in. Even with Cotl she still had the nagging feeling that she was in trouble, somehow. Or that she would be if he was discovered with her here. ”This is a really nice place...I like it”