I want you to make me feel
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She nodded quietly in response, but chose not to comment immediately. She offered him a grateful smile, trying to muster as much warmth as she could spare in these cold winter nights. The pack gathering had been wonderful, but it had also continued her contemplations. Her mind was quickly spiralling out of control and just when she thought she'd been in time to catch what was left, she had finally admitted to herself what she really wanted and who she really was. Even if she loved Dawali in her own way, she could not stay here. Perhaps if there had been something more between them she could have healed, or if there had been a spark she could have started a fire. But he was her children's dad (plain and simple) while Haku was their 'father'. She hated thinking that and she hated knowing she could not stay. It hurt, even as she entered the Kalona's abode, taking note of the few items strewn about. She shook her head, smiling, trying to convey what she felt through simple actions. Like warmth, she struggled to convey real, honest feelings now — everything hurt.

Her bones ached and she felt so tired from living and existing. She was growing older now and even though she had not yet reached old age for luperci, she knew the tragedy of Noir's death had taken its toll on her. The grief had stolen away precious years and she hated it. Most of all, she hated herself — but that would have to wait.

"Thank you," she replied. She took a few more steps and sat down. She waited a moment to let Dawali gather himself, not wanting to rush this. "Dawali, there is... something I need to tell you." She let out a heavy sigh, wishing it were not so and wishing it were not true. Why couldn't she just be happy here? What was wrong with AniWaya that made her hurt so much? She just wanted to feel alive again.


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