Starting out
#2
Ooh, well what you have so far looks great! Smile

I'll bold words I edited so you can see. Most of these are just typos that can easily be remedied by copying and pasting your information into Microsoft Word. Another alternative is to add a dictionary to your internet browser. Firefox comes with one already in it so information you type into forms is highlighted if it's misspelled. Smile

QUOTE (Appearance)
Appearance: Key's coat consists of mainly dark grey of varying tones but in various select areas his coat takes a 'reddish' tinge, standing out upon his dark coat is a light natural formed 'shooting star' upon his forehead.

His eyes are another distinctive feature, for the are light blue in some lighting and almost black in others.

As for the jewelry he has three piercings; all on his left ear. All 3 are plain sliver but the lower one is a silver hoop.
He wears a friendship bracelet made from mixed blue strings intertwined; this was a gift to him from his now deceased adoptive father, Jay.

Around his neck is a simple black cord necklace with a clump of silver attached, which originally belonged to Jay. After his death Alaki has worn it ever since.[/quote]
QUOTE (Personality)
Key is an air head, always in his own little world; he is constantly trying to escape from reality as to cope with his own insecurities. His insecurities stem from never getting any positive attention when he was young which lead him to believe that every aspect of him is useless, that no one would want to be near him. Due to this avoidance of reality he often finds himself isolated and alone; no one would want to put up with someone who won't tolerate themselves and whom is socially inept. Alongside his air-headed nature he never thinks before speaking and has often been said to be to blunt and inattentive** to others and forgetting minor and major things constantly.

Another aspect in which contributes to Alaki's anti-social behaviour is that when he was young, he acted as the 'clown' and to make people happy. He sought to make others smile and to make them notice him; however, this brought only negative attention. Over time his acting the clown has made him one, along with leaving him unable to clearly get across his point to others; thus he often embarrasses himself in his eagerness to impress and please others, such behaviours of his has lead to constant misunderstandings and awkward situations.

When he is bullied, annoyed or simply cannot get his point across he resorts to violence. He pushes others away, further isolating himself.

Yet, despite his many faults he is a sweet natured boy at heart once you get past his unique exterior. He is deathly loyal to those whom he is close to and won't tolerate any harm to come their way. Once someone becomes close to him he becomes possessive; whether they are friend or mate he does not like to share.

Despite all this, he surprisingly can be  a submissive canine, not wanting to participate nor be involved in power debates. On the odd occasion where he has kicked up a fuss due to his short tempered nature and his "bite before asking" way of life, he has simply got on his back and played 'harmless'[/quote]
** This is related to parallel structure. If you have a sentence, you want to pair your lists in the same way. For example, you would list verbs, nouns or adjectives together.

Eg:
GOOD -> He is rude, annoying, and vindictive.
BAD -> He is rude, never pays attention, and hikes often.

GOOD -> Mary likes to hike, to swim, and to ride a bicycle.
BAD -> Mary likes hiking, swimming, and to ride a bicycle.

So if you say, Mary likes to [verb], [verb], and [verb], this is good!
But if you say Mary likes to [verb], [verb], and [verb]+ing, it is bad! (Eg: Mary likes to run, jog, and enjoys sprinting)

I hope this helps! XD I totally suck at explaining this ;_; You can check Purdue Owl or google it. That might help you out! :3


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