Red Sun at Midnight

Ralla · 01-12-2011, 08:14 PM

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You wanna help gag me with my own posts? >.> They're so dern sappy XS

She saw his face go blank; could almost hear the beating of his heart like he had once told her he could do for anyone. It made her embarassed, knowing that he could hear the subtle changes within her and judge her on it. it made her feel like there were no walls between them. But she was apparently wrong. Still he could not understand what she was really worried about and what she was really feeling. Even she did not know, and she unwittingly felt that frustration begin to leak into her heart and change it accordingly. Feeling so exposed--paying attention to that fact for the first time--made her almost forget what night it was just so she could focus on their communication barrier. Almost. Instead, the dread of the night intermixed and confused her words all the more, the closer the moon's light struggled through the haze of dark clouds and began to filter a pale orange light. But Ralla's eyes were so focused on Kemo that all she could see was white, black, white.

His lying his head on her hands made them twitch--not from anger or disgust or anything of the dark sort, but more along the lines of she just wanted to comfort him... At the same time, she just wanted to know what was going on...what would happen... Not knowing was terrifying. For the second time she had known Kemo, she wanted to rail at him; to make him understand. The first time had been when he and Noss had gotten into their fight. She knew he had only been trying to protect her, but the violence just wasn't in her nature. That's what she had thought. But the facts were that she was mortal like any wolf and could get angry and defend herself and fight. She had helped to fell a beast with her pack, hadn't she? Had done so with Kemo? Had done so solo countless times to feed herself? Saying she could not get violent was delusional; a lie to make herself feel better. But realizing the truth behind that loop of mirages did not shatter her world; it only made her realize that lying to oneself only disappoints oneself.

And now Kemo was doing that to himself, continuing to insist that he was a danger to her.

"We talked about this, Kemo," she said through her throat, the words coming out choked as before; sad as before. "I know we have secrets, and that I have no right to push," she said, bring up one hand to timidly stroke his fur behind his ear. Her hand had hung above his head, for a moment--unsure if it was alright to touch him at all--before she let it do as it pleased, comforting herself at the same time she meant to do to him. "But please...please; don't lie to me." She didn't think she could take it anymore. Lies...lies had gotten her nowhere. She rememberd promises of honor and eternal love of her pack; all hollow and deceiving. What kind of life had lies promised her? Emptiness with silent deities in the sky. But she didn't want just stars or the moon; she wanted, for once, to be selfish. She had done so when she left the Crescent Moon Pack, and now she was doing it again. A new fear arose. Would the moon punish her for being greedy? For wanting to stay near this white wolf who did things to her heart that not even she understood?

"I'm scared, Kemo... But not of you. Tonight is the night of that terrible vision, and all I could think about when the signs became clear was you; if you were okay, where you were..." The tears began to flow freely as her voice trembled--sounding like a whiney pup instead of a seasoned almost-two-year-old who tried to be strong--and a few drops of the salt water fell on Kemo's nose. She didn't like to cry if it wasn't in happiness or awe, and she had already done so--shamefully--in front of Kemo, her brother, and a virtual stranger. It only served to make her more afraid and vulnerable and to mix her up more on the inside. As irrational as she seemed, Ralla felt as if there was every reason to be as afraid as she was. For everything she didn't know, she relied on the moon and stars to tell her what they could. So when they did, their sendings were law. And so it seemed to her as if the law had passed that something bad would happen, even though it would not explain what. For every cursed piece of knowledge I'm given I'm led on by another unknowable terror...

Moon walks. "Moon talks." Moon thinks.

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