[M] - When down, make a pit fall

Selene D'Angelo · 02-02-2011, 04:47 AM

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OOC here: Table & Coding © Sie; 1313 words

Hardly anyone would ever think that behind that sweet smile and kind exterior lived a darkness. But rather than lashing out at others she could only find it within her to harm herself and no others. Honestly she felt bad and at fault she someone else get harmed but she couldn't spare that same empathy to herself. Others were important but just not herself. These thoughts and feelings had been with her for as long as she could remember. It was only a recent turn of events that she had stumbled onto a solution for what ailed her. It was after the destruction of the cult that she had started to cut herself. It had been an accident at first but during that time that she was focused the pain her thoughts had finally quieted and left her alone for a moment.

That isn't to say that she had been completely without happiness in her life. She had that while she was in the cult. There was nothing to compare to the dependency that a pup had. And when she had found a mate, even though it had been forbidden. She didn't mind the sneaking around for the times that she could be in his arms. That had been when she had been happiest, especially to find out that she had been carrying his pups. Yes, there had been more than Juju but she had failed to let anyone know of the girl that she had lost in the birthing process. Just like it was assumed that Juju could belong to any male in the cult it was also assumed that he had been the only one born in his litter.

For a period of time Juju was her entire life. At least until he had started to grow independent which prompted her to cut more to deal with the loss. Her older two were able to take care of themselves and didn't need her any longer so she had clung to Juju, especially after she had figured that she had lost Ouija and that he had died back in the cult. But no, she found out her older son was alive and doing well. That had provided a temporary relief, at least until he had left. He was living in a different pack even though his immediate family was right here. She felt to be losing him again and Demi had her own thing going on and Juju didn't want her around. No one needed her so she didn't see the harm in abusing herself. The only one that was being hurt was herself and she clearly didn't mind it since she was the one doing. She didn't play a real role in the pack and no one would ever notice if she disappeared.

Actually she spent a greater portion of her time alone. It was how no one had figure out that her thoughts plagued her and haunted her constantly. She was a hermit. She was either hiding in her den or had disappeared somewhere outside of the cave system. At times she would go to the treasure cave just off the beach and sit and stare into the broken mirror for hours at a time. It showed her for the monster that she knew she was inside. If she wasn't there then she was typically just outside of the claimed pack lands and sitting near the river where she had hidden a rock so that she could face her personal demons by carving them out in her flesh.

"Ugliest ever. No one wants you or needs you. Not even your children want to be around you." She found herself talking to herself again. She was even considering testing out the rock to make sure that it would work. But she was found before she could draw it back out and test it. She was surprised when she was suddenly picked up and carried through the tunnels. She hadn't thought that she was being watched at all. And well, she didn't think that anyone would care even should she be caught because she wasn't harming another.

All she could do was stare up at the male that she had met when he had first decided to join. She hadn't seen him since then. Then again she hadn't really seen too many with the habits that she had been keeping. She didn't struggle simply because it would be near about impossible to get away. She couldn't just get up and run like others could. She couldn't function on her feet so by the time that she would get to her hands she would simply be captured again. And well, there was this sense of strength and security in his embrace. It was something she hadn't felt since her mate had held her tight.

She was unafraid despite his growling but then again she had been speaking ill of herself and only figured that he had more blame to add on. Things that she had forgotten to degrade herself for. She couldn't blame anyone for being upset with her. She must have done something wrong in some fashion or another. So when she was placed down finally she just sat still and watched him. The question threw her for a loop though. "What? I've never been able to walk like everyone else does." It was something most just accepted without asking. She figured that would be the only odd quirk about her that he could possibly think of questioning. After all he was growling so he clearly had to be upset with her over some form of harm that she had caused him.

She looked confused as he came over and checked on her legs. "I can still feel them. They work. I just can't stand or walk on them." And to show that they worked she gently kicked her legs. They still moved and everything. There was nothing physically wrong with them but she found herself to be unable when standing upright. She got this overwhelming wave of dizziness when she tried and just ended up falling over. So it was probably something in the mind that she had to get over. She just didn't think to for she did well enough walking on her hands as she did, or crawling when she had to.

The female had no idea what he was after when he had gotten up and moved away once again. She watched as he rummaged around for something or another. She wasn't sure what the flask or bandages were for when he had pulled them out and ended up holding them up. She didn't bother to reach for the items. She had no idea what to do with them. "They are fine. Just some scratches. They will heal on their own." She didn't want them doctored up. She would be unable to play with them if they were covered in bandages. "I don't know how to use that stuff either." No, her sister and daughter were the ones with the medical knowledge. She had never possessed any of that. Besides she figured that if she admitted to him that she had no idea what to do either then he would just forget about it and leave it along and drop it.

"There is no need to apologize. No one is hurt." She offered up her sweet little smile. It was this exact look and nature that made it hard for any to believe just what she was capable of. Even witnessing it made one wonder if they had really seen what they thought that they had seen. How could someone with this gentleness and compassion for others ever purposely injure herself? This female had her own personal demons and secrets. She had things that she was hiding from everyone and just had to deal with all by herself.

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