you can't even cry "at least there's hope"
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........The sun had not yet risen. For only a few more moments would there be this peaceful darkness, and then once again all the creatures that had survived the fire would be able to see the fractured landscape that fell behind them. Beppe and Anderung had escaped the densest layer of smoke, but their fur still stunk of it. They had collapsed, exhausted, on the side of the mountain, and for many hours the sun still reflected, sanguine as the flames, through the blackened sky. The Italian boy had watched through hazy, sore eyes as the color seemed to fade, his heart beating too quickly to let him rest.


........After what seemed like hours, years, centuries, finally he stirred from his sprawled position, body more fatigued than he had ever experienced, and stood up. With a quick glance to the girl he had escaped with to make sure she was sleeping and safe, he wandered up the side of his mountain. He would not find peace until he found his mother, and knew that she had made it through the fire without a scath. His own paws felt burned and raw against the rough side of the mountain, but the yearning in his mind would not let him pay the pain any mind. There was a knot in his stomach, as well, and it was far greater than it was when Maria had disappeared earlier in the year. In this case the boy knew there was real danger; the evidence was all behind him, though he didn't dare to look.


........If she had been caught up in the fire he would never forgive himself. He had escaped with the other two, so bent on making sure they all got out that he had failed to make a thorough search for his mother. The boy had seen how gruesomely Icarus had died, and the image kept playing in his head. If one out of three of them had not survived, what were the chances for Maria? And oh, oh Icarus. His image was still preserved in Beppe's mind, as the youth that he had met months ago and hunted The Glutton with, one of the best experiences that the boy had had so far. Hopefully that would be the impression that would stick, rather than that of his final moments.


........The walking was hard and often times Beppe strayed from his straight path, catching himself. Soot and black smoke was caught in his throat and often times he wretched, unable to vomit. God, he was hungry as well. Soon the sun would be back up and he would turn around and look across the land, thinking of all the bones and tattered corpses of those that had not survived. Coughing and hacking, he continued on almost blindly, hell bent on finding his mother, finding one little thing that could give him comfort. He had survived the flames, but the only thing he could think was, 'I'm going to die, I'm going to die.' Unless he found his mother very quickly, the black wolf definitely didn't think it would be a bad idea right now.

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