02-17-2011, 11:33 PM
Hi 
You have an awesome looking profile here, but there's two things I wanted to bring up.
First:
I'm not entirely sure if this part came out the way you intended, but from what I see it says Mizu was trapped in the shed and passed out while it was on fire and woke up three days later. Based on this, I just don't think it's very realistic that she was trapped in a burning shed for 3 days and survived, especially being so young. Even an adult wolf would suffer severe smoke damage from breathing in that smoke and the risk of her getting caught on fire herself is very high especially for being trapped inside for 3 days. I would change that part to something along the lines of she was trapped and passed out but somebody found her and saved her, or she was able to get out herself before she passed out. Unless this part is being taken in the wrong way, in which case you should explain it a little better :3
The second thing I wanted to bring up was the subject of the remedies. It doesn't explain anywhere in her biography where she learned how to make these remedies. You should put a part in somewhere where she was taught some of these things by a pack member or a parent, that way she could take the knowledge she was given and learn how to make other remedies with that, so there's no confusion on that part :3
Other than that, everything looks good to me Feel free to get a second opinion because I'm nowhere near perfect, just trying to help :3
You have an awesome looking profile here, but there's two things I wanted to bring up.First:
Quote:When Mizu was three months old she was in the pack’s food shed and it caught on fire. She was trapped in the shed for a long time and she passed out. She woke up three days later with a bad burn on her leg. She knew immediately what had happened.
I'm not entirely sure if this part came out the way you intended, but from what I see it says Mizu was trapped in the shed and passed out while it was on fire and woke up three days later. Based on this, I just don't think it's very realistic that she was trapped in a burning shed for 3 days and survived, especially being so young. Even an adult wolf would suffer severe smoke damage from breathing in that smoke and the risk of her getting caught on fire herself is very high especially for being trapped inside for 3 days. I would change that part to something along the lines of she was trapped and passed out but somebody found her and saved her, or she was able to get out herself before she passed out. Unless this part is being taken in the wrong way, in which case you should explain it a little better :3
The second thing I wanted to bring up was the subject of the remedies. It doesn't explain anywhere in her biography where she learned how to make these remedies. You should put a part in somewhere where she was taught some of these things by a pack member or a parent, that way she could take the knowledge she was given and learn how to make other remedies with that, so there's no confusion on that part :3
Other than that, everything looks good to me
Feel free to get a second opinion because I'm nowhere near perfect, just trying to help :3