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<333 So much self-questioning. I think this is a turning point. xD Feels weird, man. WC: 526
Why was he still standing there, like an idiot? Why not just leave, walk away, ignore this woman and not worry about what she said or how it might have affected him again? Something kept him there. Was it a desire to learn, a desire to prove himself wrong, a desire to be something more than what he'd been for so long, or something else?
Tayui spoke, her words an attempt to comfort and encourage him. They hardly helped.
“I don’t think you need to go,” said the creme-colored lady, offering gentle redirection, “If you’re doubting yourself, know that you asked me first. You’ve already tried to learn more and that’s quite noble. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings; it certainly wasn’t my intention. They were just some observations I’ve made over the years.”
"No, I...it's not you." he stammered, wondering why he was having so much trouble, now. Was he just that tired? Maybe he really did want to befriend this woman. Maybe it would give him some insight, too. But would he, could he accept it, believe it? Or would he just use it against her, in the end, as he was so prone to doing?
"Is that how everyone sees Inferni? A bunch of ignorant beasts that kill for fun?" he asked grimly, truly wondering; maybe that was really all he was.
The Hydra stood again with a heavy sigh, turning to pace in a deliberate but slow circle, clearly uncomfortable with himself. Crimson eyes found hers searchingly, wondering more about this calypso of a woman that had stumbled quite accidentally into his life. Did she really matter, or was it just the idea of her...her ideas?
The old man settled right back into the same spot he'd left, falling back to his haunches again, feeling deflated and still unworthy. Did he want to be like Hybrid, who had diluted his own personality with hatred and anger so much that it was all he knew? Well, Kesho had certainly been headed down that road. But that wasn't what he wanted. The old man, in his golden years, wanted to be able to have the luxury of friends, people he could count on. Surely he had that in the clan, but how many of them actually cared for him? Were they really friends? Besides Kaena, he was unsure. There had been a time when the clan was all he needed. Even now, he still believed that; but it wasn't working, he needed something else. Maybe this was it.
"You didn't...hurt my feelings," he said, a bit annoyed that it had been questioned. Really, though, she had caused a near crisis inside his head.
After a long pause, Kesho's voice rose again, now in an attempt to converse under the night sky, dark red eyes scanning the atmosphere, picking out what few constellations he knew. "Look, Orion is out with his dogs..." the Hydra offered coolly, struggling with his attempts to make idle conversation after his near-breakdown. What was he doing, talking about the stars. Oh, god. How would he ever make friends this way? What a pitiful attempt, Bael spat back, confirming his fears and making the Hydra swallow hard. That instinct to run was still so prevalent. One more wrong move and he would bolt; there was no sense in sticking around just to make an ass of himself.