[M] Broken

Selene D'Angelo · 03-21-2011, 04:24 PM

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Out of Character

Table©Kitty Coding©Sie
ooc text. Yeah, she's sitting. Sorry for lack of clarification; 1064 words

In Character

She'd had the mirror taken from her once before and had it commented on. She really didn't want to hear what he would say about her obsession. She couldn't help but to focus on the broken surface over and over again. She couldn't help but feel that such was the only true depiction of herself that there was. That despite all of her efforts to do better that this was what she was always reduced down into. No matter how much she wanted to do and be better that she would always ended up being nothing more than the broken image that was reflected back to her.

How could she ever talk to anyone about all that she had done wrong? About how many lives she had cost? How could anyone ever understand or be sympathetic with that? She had already had to tell her sister before about what she had done to her Alpha when she was younger. She had to inform her sister that it was all her fault that her Alpha had been sick because she needed Nani's help to make him better again. Though Sele had no idea if he had ended up getting better after that or not. She had left. Or well she had been kidnapped but left soon after that. She had left the Souls territory and found herself in New Brunswick.

Most of her time had been spent there. At least until the cult had been disposed of. How could she not feel that it was her fault? The tribunal was murdered only after she had gained a mate and had a pup with one of the members of the tribunal. That was forbidden. The tribunal were off limits. Because she hadn't paid attention to that the entire tribunal, as well as some of the members, had been forced to pay with their lives. Wherever she went and stayed something bad always happened. Others died where she was. Even her mother had died. Sele was just the embodiment of bad luck. How could that be explained. And just look, it had followed her to Anathema as well since Zale had disappeared without a word.

She watched him move, uncertain of what he was doing. He had moved around behind her and she had turned her head as best as possible to try and see what he was doing. But he had just sat down and she could feel the weight of his back against her own. For a moment or so she had decided to tell him that it would be for his benefit not to spend too much time around her. After all look at what happened to everyone else that had been a part of her life. Was it really and wonder why she separated herself from everyone else?

But before she could say anything he had spoken up. Idiot? So that was how he truly felt about her. It seemed that she wouldn't have to caution him at all. He had already come to the conclusion on his own. He had seen right through her and seen just how worthless she really was. But she couldn't blame him for spotting the truth and pointing it out. She already knew that about herself but still it hurt to hear someone else come to the exact same conclusion. To have her thoughts and fears confirmed after many attempts to try and get better. She always failed and others were taking notice of that now too.

"Didn't cut myself." She spoke softly. The mark wasn't there this time. She hadn't been able to pierce the flesh before she had been caught. Then again that hadn't been the prominent thought in her mind. It had just become a habitual practice. Whenever the negative thoughts came she would automatically reach for something to cut herself with in order to bleed out the darkness before it ended finding a way to return later.

She pulled her knees to her chest and huddled up. She had no idea what he was saying what he was after he had already admitted to seeing what she truly was. Why would he offer support and help for someone that he had recognized as being filled with darkness? One that spread that darkness to others and caused harm and disruption in daily life. It didn't make any sense at all to her. How could he be so nice to her after seeing right through her and knowing all that she had done wrong?

"No, it is better if everyone stays away. Everyone gets hurt and dies if they get too close." Once again she was speaking quietly, telling him of things that she figured that he already knew. Her experience with packs always ended in tragedy. This time it would be worse since it was her own sister in charge. She really didn't want anything to happen with Nani so she tried not to get too involved. She was trying to protect her sister. She should just leave but well, she didn't really want to be alone. She didn't want to lose Nani but she couldn't afford to get too close either. It was just all so confusing and frustrating to say the least. She no longer knew what was the right thing to do. She didn't want Nani kicking her out because she wasn't doing enough but she also didn't want to do too much in case something should happen to her sister. Either option seemed to have its own set of troubles. There just felt like there was no right decision in this case.

She hugged her knees up as close to her chest as she could get them and hid her face against them. "You shouldn't stay here. Anything could happen to you." She issued the warning, cautioning him as she had first thought to do. She didn't want to be responsible for something happening to him as well. After all he was still young and had his whole life ahead of him. It wasn't that Sele was particularly old either. But she did have a couple of years on him. She had bore young while he wasn't even at the age yet to have a family of his own. It wouldn't be fair should something happen to him before he could pass on his legacy and continue his own lineage.

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