| I fail at posting speed... Forgive meeee :[ 544 Again she was taken aback. What a strange one this was. She had met many a personality, and most did what she did; kept up a facade of calmness, coolness, sometimes overdone. She'd traveled around for a long time before she came back and settled here, and her behavior had sometimes created reactions. One place, they had considered her passionate for even laughing, but most found her cold. She was cold, though lately she'd eased up. Somewhere along the way she had stopped caring whether people could see her feelings, but she kept up a facade of calm anyways. What other people thought of her didn't matter as much anymore, but she still couldn't run around showing her emotions all the time like some over-eager teenager in heat. This was why she was so surprised at the embrace she now was thrown into. She didn't know how to react, so she just stood there, accepting it. She didn't push him away, but she didn't know whether it was a welcome gesture, even if it was comfortable. She felt as if he thought she was weak, and wanted to tell him clearly, that she was not. A weak person might have succumbed to madness by now, but she was sane, and she did not need protection. Obviously, though, something in her had triggered his compassion, and he seemed to need to protect her anyway. No one could protect her from pain that had already been inflicted on her. The river of words that flowed from him only added to the surprise and insecurity she felt regarding how to react. She'd never been with a male, not in a mateship; she'd never loved. How her children came to be was another matter, and most would probably not understand. It wasn't rape, but not love, and it wasn't pure sex for the sake of pleasure either. It was hard to explain, and Mew would never attempt to make anyone understand. But the sum of it all left her helpless in regard of knowing what to do. Males were strange, to her. Eventually she spoke, voice calm, but hesitant, and hushed - speaking into the furs of his neck. I did not mean that I genuinely wish to die. But sometimes the pain is unbearable. I have seen how beautiful they were, though, and I know I would have been a good mother. It gives me faith, and it gives me something to live for. She paused. She hadn't meant to say those words; again she spoke without thinking, and revealing sides of herself she did not know beforehand. She thought about her children continuously, but she'd never really thought of the fact that they gave her faith. She rarely used such words, and especially not when describing herself; religion was sign of weakness, as she saw it. But faith could be other things as well. Faith in herself, maybe. Apshyxia has already been punished, by the hands of my brother. One day I will take from her what she took from me, though, and I won't lie; I will enjoy it..My pack is at war with Inferni, and they will taste a fraction of the pain they caused me, by my teeth, when I'm strong enough. |
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