WC:539+ / Confusing Alaki thought process xD He's kinda feeling confused as hell as to what he's meant to be thinking/feeling/doing ^^;
The confines of his mind could only be described as a mess. The joy and excitement of seeing the red male once more, impulsiveness and an urge to touch the other as if to confirm that the male was truly there, but guilt, uncertainty and anxiety plagued all the good he felt about the reunion. Maybe a one night stand would have been better? Why did you come here? He opened his mouth to speak the thought and quickly stopped himself. Pain tugged at his chest and although he was told not to be sorry he wasn't sure what else he could be; he was broken goods, after Matteo had left him he'd been weak, needy, pathetic and Tedros had been there, he'd seen him looking so fragile and seemingly hadn't judged him or expected more of him. Knowing that there was no way he could ever trust another again, knowing that he probably would never be able to truly love without uncertainty again he'd slept with the male and here they were.
Even worse was the fact he was still attracted to the red coyote, still wanted to touch him and be with him; few words had been spoken between them at the first encounter and so the grey Rakeeb had concluded it was just a physical attraction. If he were to push Tedros away, to not get to know the male... then surely that would be for the best? Tedros had seemed nice, whilst he was tainted goods, broken; violence, blood-lust, not giving an inch, not giving mercy, that was who he was and he'd already caused the deaths of those he loved or disgusted them enough that they left him. How could he even consider getting to know one whom seemed so pure? So pure like him... squishing the memory he forced himself to turn and face the male, a smile fixed upon his face.
“I'm glad you came, really. Although I honestly didn't think you'd want to see me again either...” the words escaped him and he wanted to hit himself. Disgusting as it was, he was a selfish wolf who cared little about others; Tedros was there and regardless of all his reasoning and thinking things through, he still wanted the red coyote. To possess the other, to find acceptance from the other, to get to know him and to build some sort of relationship with the other. The pain tugged at him again as soon as he thought about forming a new relationship and yet he ignored the pain. “Since you're here, want me to show you around Anathema?” he waved a hand back towards his packs territory.
Despicable. Unable and unwilling to love another and you invite him on a date. He groaned internally, yet sheepishly smiled at the male hoping the other would want to spend more time with him. Since it would seem most members had figured out Matteo had betrayed him and the pack, he hoped they'd all have enough common sense to leave him alone if they saw him with another; especially Naniko... he wasn't entirely sure what the female would think seeing him with another so soon after she had to lock him up when he'd found the note.
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