A child that was not her own lay peacefully in her arms lost in some pleasant dream that had brought a gentle smile to her lips. The tragedy of the days before were not lost to her, but forgotten as she was lulled to the realm of dreams where her trouble meant nothing and there was only joy to be had. If only an adult’s sleep could be restful like that. Days before she had slept so soundly, so peacefully with the anticipation of the children she would bring into this world. Not a breath was taken without her heart swell with joy, no song was sung without the octave of mirth entangled with it. But as she sang for the little one now pulled close to her heart, there was no rapture in her voice, but the whisper of disappointment weighed by failure.
I don't want to wake up…on my own anymore…
Don't feel bad for me…I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart…I really want to go
There is another world..
There is a better world
well, there must be… well…there must be…’
She couldn’t understand why her ancestors had chosen to taunt her like this; give her what her heart truly wanted and only find that it was not her time to have it. Would she forever be the guardian of another’s child but not her own? She could not blame Sarain… she was but an innocent in the cruel web spun by the fates. But she was part of it just as Jace, Nayru, and Shiloh had bound her by their webs as well. Perhaps it was being near them that made this happen, and all her elation, her joy… her anticipation was just a factor that expedited this false reality. She did not know the cause only when it had meant when she learned that it was not true; that there was no life inside her… no embodiment of the love she shared with her mate.
Before the sun had risen several days before, she had woke with a start with the pup encircled in her arms rather than the warm body she knew to have enveloped her in the night before. The dull ache of her transformation was still upon her further drawing her shocked mind from its stupor to the truth of her situation. It had been in tears that she awakened her mate unable to annunciate the words that need to spoken. Her only word to him had been an apology as she took his hand to her empty womb to feel the subtle depress as she had.
Since then the truth donned itself heavily on the pair. The nurturing womb had receded with nothing inside to carry leaving the woman more empty than she had ever felt. Were it not for the pup in their care, the responsibility to care for her, Nayru and her child, she would have slipped into isolation and left herself to waste away. But she was not afforded the luxuries to wallow and kept to her obligations with minimal if not any sound at all. She could not bring herself to eat unless it was to feed Sarian, and even so simple a taste that she anticipated would bring her joy brought her to unrelenting tears. She could not blame the girl, but how she desperately had hoped for one of her own. They both had… and yet she failed them.
Under the afternoon light, she sang with the napping pup in her arms, stealing away this moment to reflect and ask her ancestors how they could have been so cruel…