So. She’d made it through nearly another spring. Her second one…she was impressed with her stamina. Honest to the gods, she hadn’t believed she’d live past the age of a year and a half. And here she was....two years old. Two years, spent in this world, wandering, learning, discovering. Two years…it all seemed like an eternity. With such boundless emotion ruling her entity, each day, each passed moment seemed twice as long as it was. It had been painful to endure…but so much had changed since then, hadn’t it? Insomnia let her thoughts on her past two years unravel in her mind. When she was born, from the moment she could learn words, she learned the word ‘runt’. It was not used in scorn or disdain, at first, but she took it as an insult. She tried as a pup…she really did. She tried to keep up, and play, and fit in. And that she did. What was an raging fire to live soon died down into a faltering ember that almost snuffed out. Apathy claimed her, and she began to hate everything around her. Why should everyone else be so privileged? Why did she have to bear such burdens? Life wasn’t fair. That was her first lesson.
But even with her apathy on life, she still found a strange desire to live. A desire to prove everyone wrong…she wanted to be powerful. She wanted to be a Queen, respected and feared, and talked kindly about. She desired knowledge. Knowledge is power, after all, is it not? And power is dangerous. As she grew, bitterness laid claim over her soul. Everyone was fickle, she realized. Her own mother was the biggest liar. And her father? The thought of him made her fur stand on end. She had thought her mother was awful…but her father. Insomnia clenched her teeth, tail flicking swiftly behind her. She’d been wrong, then. He was the biggest liar of them all—such deception, he actually fooled her into thinking that he prized her. That he thought she was special. That he loved her. Such cunning, her dear father had. It only added proof to her ever growing theory, that all wolves lied, and all wolves had an alternate motive.
But then Shadow and Ceri came along. They challenged all her theories, and contradicted them. How…? It baffled her to no end. To think…they wanted to spend time with her…and why? They called her a light. His light. How, she could never understand…when she was certain the world hated her, and she hated them right back, Shadow and Cerberus came along and spoke of love. Insomnia believed. Love was an excuse to have companionship forever, to have someone there for you forever. Never to leave you, for that would be the worse curse of all. Being alone. Believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a very powerful thing.
The young wolf paused on the threshold of the beach. It was a particularly cold morning. The sun’s weak rays had yet to reach the sand (they were still working on filling the sky with golden warmth), and as she stepped her paws onto the shifting earth it was cool. She trailed along the beach, stepping closer to the ocean to gaze out. It was gray. Not blue, not clear, but gray. There was a touch of yellow to it…but not enough to influence the morning color of the water. She inhaled and closed her eyes. She was dizzy, so she stopped. Opening her blue and green gaze it was watery as she stared. She was solemn this morning. “How much longer do I have?” she wanted to know, murmuring quietly to herself. It did not look like the usual Insomnia. Her eyes were cold with sadness, tearful with remorse. She didn’t have long for this world…and remembering all she’d been through…
She wasted it.
But with those thoughts, she gained a new determination. She knew she couldn’t live for a long time, she’d given up with that false hope. But she didn’t want it to end there. She didn’t want her legacy to go with bitterness and disgrace. She wanted a second chance…another chance to live a peaceful life, find true happiness, find the good in the world, for she was sure that there was some. A child. She could find that opportunity with a child. No, it would not be her living out whatever secret dreams lay in her heart, but it would be a piece of her. Nerrek would teach it to love and to play, to see only the bright side. To not see the truth, more like. It’s better that way; the truth hurts. She hadn’t talked to anyone about this plan of her yet…she had a feeling they would call her insane or crazy. She needed something though. Someone..
Her howl rose to the early skies; it sounded more like wind through trees than a wolf's voice. But Cerberus would recognize it...and she knew he would come. Her paws shifted nervously, eyes falling to the ground to blink at them. Today, she would tell him that she would be leaving for a week. She didn't want to leave him alone. Well, that was part of the reason...she was sure Cerberus could easily find another willing femme to be his 'nurse'-- who wouldn't want him? It was a surprise he hadn't been taken before he even met her as such a young pup. Characteristic of Insomnia, jealousy consumed her thoughts, and she could hardly stand thinking if any other femme wanted to be with him. Selfish? Well of course, Insomnia had always been selfish in a disguised way. She blinked again and swiped her dainty paw across the sand, forming a line before glancing up and blinking toward the grasslands than back down at the sand, drawing her stuff animal that the two had found in the sand.
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