battling inner demons

Saul Stormbringer · 04-20-2012, 11:38 AM

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If I had words to make a day for you,

I'd give you a morning, golden and true.

I would make this day last for all time,

Give you a night deep in moonshine.

[601]
20.04.2012 . 12.00pm . Stormbringer Camp . Optime Form

The past few days had been a whirlwind of thoughts, emotions and forlorn looks. Four days ago, Saul had been setting up for a birthday party to celebrate the collective birthday of the four Stormbringers with Bran's help and he hadn't been happier. The party had gone well and all of them had gone past intoxicated. In fact, he remembered Bran toppling over backwards off of his log and having to be dragged back into their hut by Niernan, who hadn't been that steady on his feet himself. It had been fun, especially when Bran had suggested they play a game of 'Truth or Dare' that had been funny to watch and participate in. But the events after the party had thrown everything upside down. The feeling of his lips moving against hers had been heavenly bliss and he hadn't been able to help wrapping his arms around her and bringing her closer. He knew, without a doubt, that it hadn't been down to his inebriated state. He might have gotten his confidence from the alcohol, but the act itself had been the culmination of days of covert glances and butterflies in his stomach. And he had to admit, kissing her had been the best feeling in the world. In that moment, there was no thought about relations, blood, genetics or anything of the sort. It was one man and one woman expressing desire for one another.

His world had shattered when she'd pulled away, ducking quickly back into her hut and keeping the door closed in a way that clearly stated that he wasn't welcome. He'd stayed there, frozen in place for a few minutes at least before his brain had forced his limbs to move and go back to his own hut. He'd settled around Elias and Temeraire, shifting into his lupus form to conserve space as the boys had spread out. Sleep had come quickly that night, filled with dreams that he was sure weren't appropriate. Of course, the silence that had come from Lilin's house the next morning had worried him, but he didn't want to make things worse so he'd left her alone. His own headache and dry mouth had him groaning for a good few hours before he'd dragged himself to the lake to bathe and drink his fill. His run had been short, but his thoughts were on Lilin the whole time. When he'd returned, he still hadn't seen her. The next day, it was painfully obvious that he was being avoided. Fresh scent paths told him that she'd come out of her hut, but he hadn't seen her and he didnt know if speaking to her would be the best thing. He'd learnt early on that Lilin was set in her ways, and she would talk when she wanted to. The tension between the two however was sure to have been picked up on.

Dawn rose early this morning and Saul rose wearily. Since Lilin's avoidance, he hadn't been sleeping properly and his face was set in a mask of worry. He didn't know what to do and that worried him the most. He had, usually, always been sure of his direction in life, but that had been thrown completely out of orbit when his lips had touched hers. Frustrated, with feeling like shit, with her not talking, with the endless questions rolling around in his head, he exited his hut with a soft huff and made for the trees. Perhaps he could channel some of this frustration into something constructive, instead of moping around his hut and waiting for her to emerge.

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