WC: 735
Colibri had been strong for Saul, or at least she had not cried in front of him. She had been in shock, too stunned to know how to react to the news. But then she had all night to think about it, alone in her empty house. Without anyone to talk her down, she panicked herself into an anxiety attack, the hormones lending amplitude to the tumultuous mood swings. She had not calmed down much once the sun rose and another day began, and now another night was falling. She was one day closer to their arrival, and that terrified her. She had to tell her sister before she drove herself into madness. It was torturous to think that she could be carrying monsters within her, that she was now a vessel for darkness. But motherhood was something she used to wish for more than anything, and now the conflict was splintering her willpower. Could this be anything other than bad news, or was it a blessing in disguise?
Lilin was speaking to her, and she barely registered what was being said; she just kept running the same thought through her mind repeatedly, trying to come up with the courage to tell her sister outright what was going on. Distracted, she realized it was odd that she didn't think of Lilin as being so much younger than her... she always thought of Conor and Emwe as her baby brothers, because she cared for them as pups, and yet they must be seasons older than Lilin. Spirited little Willow would be grown up now, too. She couldn't picture Lilin as a pup, though, just the beautiful woman standing before her. Vaguely she heard a question being asked of her, and she blinked in confusion, having completely missed what was said. "I, I don't know," she stammered with a shrug, hoping it had not been important. Finally Lilin grabbed her fidgeting hand, cutting through her distraction. An electric thrill raced through her, adrenaline spurring her on. She caught her breath, startled by the sudden contact, but not resisting it. She had to divulge her secret now, before the tension grew any worse between them.
Words failed her, so she simply reached her free hand to the clasp of her cloak, tugging the strings free. The long cloak slipped from her shoulders, slithering into a pool of fabric around her feet. She bowed her head, looking pointedly down at her bare figure. There was a small curve to her stomach, a bump that had not been there even days earlier. She noticed from this angle her breasts seemed more prominent now, plumping with the preparation for her litter. Everything ached, and she already felt so much heavier and slower, in addition to the ever-present fatigue and dizziness. A small shiver of disgust chased down her spine, disturbed by the unwilling changes her body was undergoing. Her bobtail was tucked flat against her haunches, ears pressed back in shame. She couldn't bring herself to meet Lilin's eyes, afraid she would have to watch the predictable show of surprise, then confusion, then horror once she realized the ugly truth about their conception.
Licking her lips nervously, Coli managed to whisper the now-obvious news. "I've been feeling very ill these past weeks, since the... attack. I finally asked Saul for his medical advice... and he figured out that I, I'm... pregnant." It was still surreal to her, but it was slowly beginning to sink in that this was really happening. She was already halfway along, give or take some days. She drew a deep shuddering breath, trying to remain calm and rational. Her right hand was trembling in Lilin's grip, though, betraying her.
"Lili, I have a favor to ask you," she mumbled guiltily. She knew her sister would not appreciate the responsibility, and Coli hated to dump it on her, but she needed some peace of mind before that inexorable day arrived. She was already obsessing over every possible way things could go wrong - ways she could fail as a mother, ways her health could deteriorate, ways the pups could be corrupted by either side of their family tree. There had to be a contingency plan, it could not all depend on her. She was too fragile, too easily crushed beneath the weight of responsibility. She couldn't shake the paranoid feeling that there was going to be a disaster.