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Though he had dismissed the notion Jaden could see through his anger and grasp the tip of exactly how broken X’yrin’s view of him must have been. Experiences, like a looking glass built and colored by time warped and tried to make sense of what she felt. She hated dogs as he hated coyotes so he tried to reverse their roles. If he were to learn she had taken some weak coyote male as her lover, would he act this way? It would change how he perceived her. He would be upset. But she had done more than that. She had taken another as her mate and slaughtered the ideas of dedication that Jaden believed love was built upon. More than that even, she had chosen to reclaim her “right as a nomad”, a group he thought did not believe in love. She had given up all of it over one mistake. He could never have done that no matter the actions of his beloved for he believed that forgiveness and acceptance healed the past and allowed things like love to triumph. It simply had to be true or else the Alaskan would be forced to believe himself a murderer still. He would have to accept that every drop of innocent blood upon his coat left an imprint and something that could never be washed away.
So how could she do it? How could she stand with her head raised and display pride that she no longer believed in their love? It was impossible to understand and it couldn’t be true but the hard reality stood before him with her beautiful golden gaze and tore him apart. Your wrong! He had taken a step a few steps back from her in disbelief but now lurched forward with a snap on the exclamation. As his heart was shredded by her words, actions, and his own assumptions, the Issum was left with little but emptiness and anger. As quickly as he snapped out about X’ies, the emotion melted from his hard blue into a cold pool of pain that rested atop of his dark features. It was not worth losing her completely to insist his right to curse X’ies and a small bit of hope inspired a wish for the love he’d previously held. Hope born to the fact that he knew love could not be so easily broken. I have not lied to you. He started in a much lower tone, I told you there was nothing between us because there was nothing. He looked into her gold even as the scalded him. A mistake made once that amounted to nothing is still nothing: only a dreadful part of the past that I cannot take back. he shook his head slightly as he wished so deeply he could, I’m truly sorry. But… to mimic the ways of a collective you yourself never saw reason to return to… to give up on love? He spoke as if all was not lost already, a wish he seemingly held onto foolishly. We are stronger than that. You do not need to fear shame of eyes that have no power over us… There are no unspoken, there is only Sangi’lak… only us… By the end of his proclamation all the anger was gone. His defenses had fallen and gaze was vulnerable as it asked for an answer he feared. If she truly wished to be nomad then she had to give up on their love. That is how he saw it and if that was the case, he could do nothing to defend himself as she ripped out his heart. He stepped toward her dipping his muzzle low, hoping for contact of some kind, begging that it would all now miraculously fall into place, please… I love you X’yrin.
Jaden does. Jaden speaks. Jaden thinks.
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