Here I am

[Mew Sadira]

There is no excuse for letting you wait this long. I am MADE of fail lately
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Again, her eyes closed to prevent pearls from forming on her cheeks, and nodded. She wanted to say 'yes, different'. She wanted to say nothing at all, because every time she did try to explain, she started crying instead. She'd tried to practice the words, but her mind was tired from everything and everyone. She didn't want to sleep, eat - but she did want to live. And she would not live long, she was certain. Finding her voice again, she could open those emerald eyes and look at her aunt, if briefly. "Something is wrong. I can feel it." Pausing, her gaze shifted to focus on the ground in front of her paws - now it was harder to keep her eyes from flooding. She had to remember, every day - especially now - what had happened some one and a half year ago. She had to remember because it was important to her, but she did not want to remember. She would have it undone if she could "I think perhaps I broke. I tried to get a litter ever since.." She swallowed, and continued. ".. since Lubomir came back. But now that I am carrying, there are pains alongside them. I do not believe they should be there."       Her eyes closed again as she composed herself, and when they opened they did not focus on the dark female in front of them. They gazed out to the horizon, staring blindly at anything. Deliberately not looking at her aunt. She could not look at anything with significance, lest she lose herself completely to the sorrow that she felt. It was embarrassing enough to cry, but she did not want to collapse.

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