02-07-2008, 01:01 AM
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Not bad. You might wanna skip a line between paragraphs, like I’m doing. When you don’t indent skipping a line makes posts read more smoothly. “Male-beasts”? Phoenix felt slightly offended by that, although perhaps were she had come from males really were monsters. He grew more attentive as she began to speak, but when her voice trailed off his imagination filled in the patches. He could understand not wanting to talk about an unpleasant past to someone just met, even if his own parents had been nothing but good to him… at least up until the point where they left and never came back. “Hey,” he said, trying to be comforting, “You don’t hafta worry ‘bout that here. If any male lays a hand on you he’ll hafta answer to me… understand?” But to allow him to protect her, she would have to learn to trust him. His oldest daughter had gone through a similar experience, and it tore Phoenix up that he couldn’t have protected her from that. Granted, he had gotten the culprit exiled from his own pack, but that had done little good in the end. He still kept a watchful ear on the winds, though. Supposedly he’d reformed, but the alpha of Storm didn’t totally buy it. If Lucifer ever harmed another female like he harmed Dierdre then Phoenix would do more than get him kicked out of his home next time. Wolves were more difficult to deal with, and in some ways the prospect of dealing with difficult and indifferent alphas such as the one ruling Jaded Shadows seemed more unpleasant than fighting cougars. At least a cougar was much more predictable: they were all teeth and claws, but they weren’t as crafty as a corrupt alpha. He shrugged at her compliment. “I killed a couple b’fore, or at least helped hunt ‘em down. I still can’t kill a full-sized one all on my own. That’s why I knocked him into th’ river, ended th’ fight right then an’ there.” Too bad the cougar was still out there and posing a threat to wolves. Phoenix wished he could have killed it, but he at least hoped it would be smart enough to not come around here again. Now it was Phoenix’s turn to be nervous, thanks to Anderung’s last comment. He couldn’t tell if she was making an idle compliment or hinting at something more lubricious. This was not the first time someone said something about his eyes. Truthfully he never really thought about the way he looked. The last time a female complimented them, she had been coming on to him. But Phoenix had a mate, now, and even if she was away he would remain faithful to her until she returned. “Uh… thank you. I got ‘em from my father… I should probably give ‘em back to him someday, but I been havin’ too much fun with ‘em,” he joked, trying to relieve the sudden tension with a bit of humor. But he didn’t make jokes often and was a little out of practice. |