It Cuts Deep

Anann Kelevra · 04-30-2011, 08:21 AM

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Dated back to the night Keese showed up in CdM

The clack of hooves on the deteriorating concrete roads echoed off the abandoned houses of Lunenberg as the large stallion made his way through the dark maze of streets and buildings. It was clear the beast knew exactly where it was going, taking the occasional short cut through yards empty lots. Still he was cautious despite what seemed to be a slow and leisurely pace. Angular ears swiveled with one ear or the other always listening for any tell tale signs that they might have been followed.

A slight shift in weight from his rider brought the mighty friesian to a halt, the amber hued wolf slid gracefully from his back. An arm was still draped over the horses whithers and for a moment she rested her head against Rem's neck, burying her face in the thick tangle of mane. After a brief moment she reluctantly stepped away from the horse, giving him a gentle pat, sending him off to patrol the area while she dealt with this.

She had followed his scent here, to the old bungalow that, for a short time, had served as his family's home. Each step brought her closer and with each step she felt her chest grow tighter. A squirming nest of nerves churned in her stomach and even taking a few deep breathes did little to slow the hammering of her heart. But it had to be done. Her confidence stalled out as she reached the buildings threshold. She stood there, one hand rested against the weathered wood of the door. She stared at it as if she had forgotten how to cross this barrier.

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Anatoliy Russo · 05-07-2011, 09:43 PM

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QQ

Anatoliy had chosen to stay away from Anann's cabin. It felt like a place he was not welcome to be anymore. So he returned to his family's home, feeling more welcome here and fearing the ghosts of happiness less here since he had spent little time when both father and sister had been here anyway. Still he stayed out of the kitchen area and his kin's rooms, choosing his own bedroom. He had aired out the bedding and blankets, even taking the mattress out to beat out the dust of it. All that effort for a place to sleep so that he could avoid the woman he loved and the other man who cared for her. Even though all the Russo wanted was to throw the man into the sea during a hurricane. But that was just his anger and his hurt at the betrayal he had suffered. It had taken his mind off of things, though now all he had was just the beaten mattress to rest on for the night since he had accidentally soaked his blankets and they had yet to dry fully.

Rem was outside. He heard the whining, the soft lows he gave off as he walked away, crunching the grass with the hooves. The broken glass and falling apart walls made it easy to hear, and the Russo heard her standing outside his house's door. Rising from the creaking mattress, Anatoliy went around the house through the backdoor, eying her from around a corner. Rem was nearby but the horse knew him well enough to know him as no threat. "Anann..," he said softly, heart aching at the sight of her, his beautiful woman. "I vas.. hoping you vould come..," he added, apprehensive over what she had to say. She came alone, so he knew that this was all her and none of him.

Anann Kelevra · 05-13-2011, 11:44 PM

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Indeed

Amber ears pressed forward at the sudden creak from deep within the house and followed the soft whisper of his foot falls . With the sound of his every step it felt as if her heart was crawling further up her throat and though she breathed with ease her chest felt tight and suffocating. Turning her self slightly away from the sound of his approach her hand fell away from the weathered surface of the door. Anann swallowed hard took another deep breath as she tried to seize a hold on her emotions. Closing her eyes she focused on her breathing and slowing the racing of her heart. A life of leadership and war had taught her how to hide her emotions well, but she was mentally, emotionally exhausted. Her control was slipping and Anann was not even sure that she could hide her pain from him.

His accented voice tore at her heart as he softly called out her name. Had her resolve not been so strong she would have quickly closed the distance between them. Let those strong arms wrap around her as she buried her face in the fur of his chest and let him tell her that it would all be okay. Instead she stood frozen, until she finally cleared her throat and found her voice. "We need to talk," she said rather bluntly as she finally turned to face him, "is there somewhere we could sit?" Her eyes would not meet his. Afraid that he would see right through her emotionless guise.

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Anatoliy Russo · 05-14-2011, 08:08 PM

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:c sad panda

Anatoliy saw her figure and his heart felt elated just to see her. But when she did not rush to him, and made no motion for him to do so, it sank so fast that he almost felt like he had fallen off a great height himself. He knew she ought to rush toward him, in apology for today, and he would hold her and apologize to her for not letting her know Keese was here. But he had no idea what kind of effect that man had on her and he had not wanted to expose her to it, hoping the man would take the fierce hints and leave them both alone to their happiness. Yet now Anatoliy felt his arms were empty of his woman and they were itching to hold her close to him, to tell her he loved her. But it seemed that was not going to happen to them today. Was it all because of Keese? That bastard had done something.. said something. What could it have been?

"I.. alright," he said finally, after searching her face for emotion and finding no love in it. His heart ached so much now, seeing nothing for him there in her eyes. He closed the distance between them, but not to hold her as he wanted to, but to open the front door for her. Anatoliy waited for her to enter before showing her to the couches in the living room rather than the chairs in the kitchen. He waved his hand in that direction, face full of concern and a glimmer of fear was in his eyes. "Vhat is happening, Anann?" he asked of her, his voice still warm even though his face had fallen. "Is that man still here?" Anatoliy hoped not, he hoped she was just here to reprimand him for not telling her sooner.

Anann Kelevra · 05-16-2011, 11:02 PM

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Indeed

She tensed ever so slightly as he approached, dominance beginning to leak into her features in a subtle warning to keep him at bay. Once he reached the critical distance of three paces she took backward steps in order to keep the space between them, hoping beyond hope that he would not try to close it. She was not confident that she could shove away his touch, not when it was the comfort of his touch that her heart craved. In the end it was not her he reached for, much to her relief, but the door she had stood in front of, opening it for her like the gentleman he was. "Thank you," she muttered softly as she crossed the threshold, taking a quick look around the house she had only ever known from the outside before making her way to the couches he had motioned towards. Her eyes always seeming to find something else to look at rather than the Russo. The distress on his face pulled at the strings of her breaking heart.

Settling on one of the dust covered couches Anann took another heavy breath, letting Anatoliy take a seat as well before speaking. There was no easy answer and so she choose to answer his second question first with a reluctant nod as her ears folded against her skull knowing it would not be at all what he wanted to hear. ”He is staying.” But that was the least of it. She shifted her weight, uncomfortable on the couch. ”Anatoliy, I..,“ she faltered and gave a sigh. ”there is no easy way to say this,” her dark brown eyes finally found those of gold. ”It’s over.. between us.” A softness had crept into her voice and her tone was not cold nor angry, but resolute none the less. She had managed to say the words while looking him in the eye without breaking composure, but once the words were out her eyes quickly fell away, feeling the burn of tears at the corners of her eyes. She owed him more of an explanation, but she really didn’t know what else to say.

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Anatoliy Russo · 05-24-2011, 09:46 PM

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short so I can roll out posts with Toliy butt :c

Whatever hope that the brunette man might have had vanished into thin air like water vapor. Whatever smile he could have had disappeared and whatever joy he might have found in the woman before him turned to gray ash.

Anatoliy stared at the woman on the couch, at first just blankly."Over?" he said with something of a laugh. But then the words truly started to sink in, especially when Anann did not smile at what he had hoped was a joke. His face fell, the laugh dying on his lips as he furrowed his brows. "Over?" he repeated, confusion very evident on his features. But.. why? Why was it over? He had not messed up that much, had he? It was not bad enough to leave him. Or was it because he was no Keese and the woman still held feelings for him? But that made no sense! She had not been affectionate toward that bastard, and she had been his lover for long enough for him to know she cared for him. So was she lying to him then?

"Vhat did I do, Anann? Vhat did I do wrong?" he asked her, eyes pleading, hurt in them shining. "How can it be over? Iz it zhis man?" Anatoliy looked away from Anann, wondering if that was the case. If so, he did not want to see that truth in her eyes before him.

Anann Kelevra · 05-29-2011, 01:29 PM

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;~;

It took the whole of her will for Anann to steel herself against the pain that burned in her chest. Dark brown eyes cast down at the dusted floor as she tried to quell the storm of emotion that threatened to flood past her defenses. Silently reminding herself that this was for the best as he questioned her and she responded only with silence letting the weight of the words already spoken sink in. He had to accept this, he had to stay away.

It was for him that she carved her very heart from her chest. That she set him free from the burden she had brought down upon them. His heart would heal and Anann knew in time the Russian would find happiness. A lover he deserved, one that could give him the family that she could not. He had never voiced such a desire, but she had seen how he was with the young ones during their stay at the hotel. She had seen a glimpse then the life he deserved, the life she could not give him.Keese had only accelerated the unavoidable, for Anann had come to accept that in time things between her and Anatoliy would have reached an end. She could not avoid her fate after all. Still she was thankful that she had been given the opportunity to know real love.

”You have done nothing.” A growing lump in her throat made it hard for the words to make it past her tongue. ”You have done nothing wrong, but you must stay away from me, Anatoliy. I don't expect you to understand” She sat so stiff, so rigid. The words spoken with an unquestionable finality to them. Her hands were folded neatly in her lap, albeit the clutched one another so tightly that dark nails drew drops of red from the skin.

It suddenly became too much for the woman to endure and she felt her precious guise beginning to crumble. A burning heat and wetness threatened those brown eyes that tried so hard to remain as cold as stone. ”I’m sorry..” The words ragged as she quickly got to her feet and bolted for the door, her face turned from the man she loved so that he could not see her shared anguish.

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Anatoliy Russo · 05-29-2011, 01:50 PM

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;_;

Anatoliy watched the woman fight some kind of demon, battling with it. He heard her stiff voice and knew she was not being herself with him. She had been sweet and fun with him, and this was not Anann as he knew her. Something was definitely wrong for her to be so blase about this. This was not something to be so blase about. Anatoliy knew, even though he still did not understand what, that she was doing this for a good reason. But it was a reason he did not want to hear. Anatoliy just wanted her and he could not just let her go like this was nothing. For him, there was no other woman. There was just Anann. But why did she not want his help? Wasn't that what he was here to do for her?

"Anann.. I don't vant to..," he said simply, softly as he looked at the woman before him. She was strong but she could be weak too, and that was what he was for. Anatoliy was there to support her and she seemed to think she could do all on her own. The Russo wanted to pull her toward him, and embrace her. Maybe it would work, but he was just so shocked he could scarcely move himself. "Vhy von't you let me help you?" She did not answer, only clenched her fists tight enough to draw blood; he smelled it on her hands.

Suddenly Anann rose and ran toward the door, apologizing as she went. But Anatoliy would not sit idly by as she ran from him. No, no it would not do. He rose as soon as she was a few feet away. Instantly, he ran toward her, grabbing at her arm and pulling her to a stop. "Don't run from me, Anann," he told her softly, the words barely a command. He was not one to tell her what to do, and she knew that. It had been more of a request than a command. "I don't vant you to leave. Please." He grasped her hand gently, well aware she had clawed at them. "Please don't leave me," begged the Russo, digging into his pocket for the necklace he had found for her. He placed it in his palm and took her other hand, transferring it. "I love you, Anann.. so please don't leave me."

Anann Kelevra · 05-30-2011, 01:57 AM

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The thick guard hairs of her shoulders and neck bristled as she felt his touch. A growl tore from her throat as she pulled against the hold he held on her arm. Her resistance only drawing her closer to him as the strength of his grip brought her to an abrupt halt. Pulling her around to face him. "Let go," she practically growled through clenched teeth, a peculiar edge to her voice. Born not of anger nor outrage, but concern and fear. Keep those dark eyes, now unprotected, averted from his sight.

"This is how it must be. There is no other way." He did not let go and she was too exhausted, both emotionally and physically to fight him anymore. His hold changed, grew softer, as he gingerly took her hand, mindful of their self inflicted injury. However insignificant. He begged her not to leave. Amber ears pressed tightly into her mane and she shook her head. "If you want to help me, Anatoliy, you will stay away. Forget about me. Move on."

She just wanted to get out of here. For this to be over. To be alone so that she might free the sorrow that was currently caged in her tightening chest. Threatening to burst free without her consent. The door was only but a step away and the woman made to move towards it again. The feel of something pressed to her palm stopped Anann dead in her tracks, before a foot paw had even the chance to leave the ground. Seconds seemed like hours as umber eyes stared at the silver trinket in the palm of her hand. "Anatoliy?", his name a soft whisper from her lips. Golden finger carefully looping through the chain, lifting it from her palm. For the briefest moment it almost seemed as if everything was no longer broken. A soft smile pulled at her lips, though it was burdened with a heavy sadness. Everything she had wished to hide, every terrible emotion she had shoved deep inside flowed to the surface. Playing across eyes that seemed too wet.

Slowly, reluctantly long golden figures lowered the precious gift back to her palm. "I..I can not accept this. I am not the one." Her voice no longer able to hide her heart break as she tried to shove the token of love back at the man.

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Anatoliy Russo · 06-03-2011, 09:51 PM

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"No," he countered forcefully, keeping his grip on her tight, but gentle enough that she would not find it a threat or a means to hold her there. If she truly wanted out, she would have pulled free already. "I will not forget you. Zhere is no forgetting." How could he just forget about her like she had been nothing? It had been too long and too beautiful for the man to ignore the time spent together, the time spent living in love. It had been too long and too memorable for him to just put it away like some old toy, never to be played with again.

Anatoliy looked at Anann, watching her as she realized what he had placed in her hand. He almost smiled as she inspected it, her own face almost lighting up. But she forced it back and he forced his down, too. He had let go of her arm, to let her know that he was not keeping her there. And that she was free to inspect it all she wanted; it was hers. She seemed genuinely impressed by it, or rather, that she liked it quite a bit. Yet she did not want to accept it. She tried to put it back in his hands, but he refused to take it, clenching his fists. "No," he said again, just as forcefully. Anatoliy was adamant that she not give it back, that she keep it.

He gently closed her fist around the charm, the chain dangling under her hand. With both hands, he surrounded her's, cupping it and patting it slightly. "Zhis is not a gift for zhe vone. It is a gift for you. Zhe greatest gift I can give zhe voman I am meant to be vith is somezhing I have already given you," he said as he tried to smile, but it came forced behind his heartache.

Anann Kelevra · 06-11-2011, 08:58 PM

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How long, she wondered. How long had Anatoliy carried the silver charm and chain with him, waiting for a moment to give it to her? Such a thing was not so easily found nor bartered for. Simple yet elegant, it was finely crafted silver with a few precious stones. The chain strong and sturdy. She found it to be perfect and the meaning behind such a gift was not lost on her. Well, at least to the golden woman it held a heavy meaning, a promise of a shared future. A promise she was regretfully unable to make, but he refused to take it back. Fist clenched tightly against her efforts shove the trinket back into his hands.

She flinched as cream painted hands closed her hand around the pendant. It was subtle, but there was no doubt Anatoliy would have noticed. Never before would she have reacted to his touch in such a manner. Never before would she have been so tense and rigid as his large hands gently encompassed her own. Her mind screamed at her to flee before her walls completely broke down and he would see how much this all was hurting her as well.

For the first time in her adult life Anann found she wasn't strong enough as he gently patted her hand. Keese was right; she had grown soft. The simple, comforting gesture was all it took to break down the cold front she had tried to put between them. With the comfort of his touch, no matter how slight, body and heart won out over a mind that wished only to put distance between them with the logic that a wound inflicted quick and hard would be less painful than dragging out a long and slow torture of slowly pulling their unwilling hearts apart. It would have been have been easier if only he had responded in anger or bitter refusal. Those she knew how to handle.

Dark brown eyes had stared at their coupled hands through watery vision. Slowly Anann come to realize that she had unknowingly moved closer to the man, or was it he that had moved closer? She did not know, but the space of air between their bodies had dwindled to practically nothing. Fighting so hard to keep those tears from rolling down her cheek her hand clenched tightly around the silver charm. Her eyes rose to meet his as he spoke, his soft words and heart broke smile tearing at her heart. Amber ears to fell back to hide in the brunette locks as she tried to return his forced smile with one of her own as she opened her maw to speak, but the words never came. Feeling the burning heat as the first tear fell to stain the golden cream fur of her cheek Anann quickly turned her face down and away from him. Eyes glared at the ground as the tears tumbled, one after the other without her consent. Leaving wet trails through the fur of her cheeks before falling to the earth.

Her throat felt tight and it was hard to swallow as it was seized by the sobs she tried told hold back as the tears continued to flow. She tried take each breath calm and even, but each rise and fall of her chest quivered as she continued to fight the losing battle against her emotions. ”I’m sorry. I truly am..” Her voice trailed off as she struggled to find the right words. Her simply apology was just not enough, but words failed her. There was nothing to say that would make the hurt any less and she felt the less he knew for now, the better.

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Anatoliy Russo · 06-25-2011, 09:12 PM

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I replied goddamnit.

He almost faltered when she flinched at his hands touching her's, but he simply clenched his jaws slightly and kept his movements slow, as though he had not noticed her reaction. Anatoliy saw her body was rigid, even though it was only him. Why she was so stiff with him, he could not understand; he had always been so careful with her when they were intimate, and even on the first night they spent together she had not been stiff and so afraid. No, this was not fear. This was her trying to make him not feel the warmth behind her. But he had her hand in his; he could feel the warmth behind them.

She was distracted for some reason, and the Russo managed to close the distance between them to something slight. That was when he noticed that she was crying, tears running down her face. He was in dismay, wondering why on earth she was the one crying like so. One hand still remained over hers as she clenched the necklace over her hand, the other went to try to wipe away the tears falling from her eyes. She looked down, and he slowly pulled her face back up to look at him. Anatoliy did not want her to cry, not now. Not ever. Her tears kept going, even as she somehow managed to apologize for this, for leaving him. Yet she still stood here.

Anatoliy pulled her close to him and said nothing as he wrapped his arms around her and let her cry for whatever reason. She might be leaving him, but he would still help her while he could, while he still had her in his reach. He had fewer words than a poetic lover, but the way he showed he cared was simply with his actions and the scant words he gave. "I know you are. I know," he said, even though he still did not understand why. "So don't leave. Ve.. ve can fix vhatever is broken. If I have done somezhing.. I vill fix it.."

Anann Kelevra · 06-26-2011, 04:15 PM

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She did not resist in the least as he pulled her closer, strong arms wrapping gently around her. The strong and stubborn woman crumbled and the tension in her body faded away as her head rested heavily against his shoulder, her nose buried in the fur of his chest as tears continued to flow. Wetting both their fur. Willing to accept this last act of comfort, even if in the end it would only make it all the more painful. She was foolish to think that this sacrifice would be any easier than the last she had made. That should could have hoped to hold up the cold and frigid front as she tore at not only her own heart but his as well. Her steel will was proving not to be enough to with stand the crushing weight of sorrow that filled her hollow chest and so she clung to him, one last time.

She did it for him, though she expected he would never understand. If Keese were to learn of the intimacy they had shared his pride would demand retribution. The silvered male would not be satisfied until Anatoliy was dead, his life blood likely spilt to soak the ground. By his hand or another, Keese was a tenacious beast and would not stop til one of them was dead. Of that much she was sure. But if he learned that the Russian man also held her heart, well that would just give the bastard all the more leverage. Anann's only weakness was those that she had let into her heart. Those few members of the court that had come to be like family. She would not let her love become leverage. She would not let this man be used against her. She would ruin it herself before she would see destroyed by Keese. It was better this way.

"No. It's not that easy. She pulled away just enough to see those golden eyes. "There is nothing to fix. It's not you, it's him." There was a touch of disgust in her voice as her tongue touched on the last word and her eyes fell away from his once again, ashamed. It wasn't what she wanted. She had told him before that what she wanted didn't matter. Perhaps he would remember and understand its meaning now. When her dark eyes looked back up his of gold there was a pleading look in her eye. "Stay out of this, please. I know its unfair of me to ask, but please, Anatoliy. Just stay away."

Reluctantly she pulled away from him, wiping her eyes and making her way to the door. If she didn't leave now she never would. She looked back just once before she shut the door behind her. "Don't wait for me Anatoliy, you don't owe me that." She had resisted saying she was sorry yet again. Walking briskly away from the house she gave a shrill whistle. Heavy hooves thundered as Rem quickly approached and with a nimble leap she was on his back. The pair quickly disappeared into the darkness of night.

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Anatoliy Russo · 06-26-2011, 08:21 PM

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<3

His puzzlement was evident on his face, taking up all of his features as he looked at the woman pulling away from his arms. She slipped out of his hold, and he had to let her go. She wanted to leave his arms and that was all he could do for her now. Anann would not tell him how else to fix things, especially now that they were evidently not Anatoliy's fault. But his. That bastard's. Keese. Somehow, he was behind this, behind all the problems the two of them were going through. Him. It was all him. And still the man could not find it in him to slit that man's throat to let the poisonous life blood spill on the earth so his carcass would do the world some good.

She pulled further away from him, and he could feel his fingers slipping away from her. They fell from her arms, after one last squeeze to her upper arms. His hands were by his side, halfway clenched as he longed to reach out again and stop her from leaving his old home. Anann asked him to stay away. But how could he do it knowing that he was leaving her in the hands of a monster with the worst intentions? He knew, though, that he had to. This was her choice and he could not fight her decision to leave him. To leave him in the dark. And to leave him out of her life now. But he could not help but still want to be a part of it.

But her will was his. So Anatoliy simple silently watched her disappear from him, with only a last look given him before Anann chose to flee from him. From the man who knew that she was in danger and who would happily help protect her. But what was he to do? Nothing. Nothing but watch the woman he loved leave. Slowly, the Russo sat on the couch again, staring blankly at the wall, with to do but clench his fists and fight the desire to chase after someone who did not want him to follow.

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