p.

Whatever it would take, Mati would do it.

She desired her forgiveness. She needed to explain. She had to apologize. Those things were most important then anything that she had ever felt in her life. Nothing pushed her as far and as hard as those few needs. Her body had been tired, her mind week when she had traveled from the city. Interruptions had made days longer then it should have been, but they were needed. Now the violet eyed woman moved through her room with a less confused mind and a greater sense of duty then ever before. Fingers touched the frame, it was worn, broken and then fixed and yet it still looked best around the canvas. The artist knew it was the right one, and looking at it completed she now understood why she had been tearful when it had broken. It was perfect, though the picture inside was what she studied. It would never hold the exact essence that was felt when in the presence of the female that smiled through the paint and hours of work. But there was no denying that Mati had captured her beauty to a certain degree.

With a deep breath she left, searching the hallways of the Manor, knocking on her door and holding her breath in waiting. When nothing came she knocked again. Still it was quiet and Mati ran down the stairs, as if slowing down would make her loose her courage. No, there was so much that needed to be said that she could not give into her fears now. Everything was clearer, like a brightness had come to her in the dark of her unknowing. The tall female looked in the old kitchen, then in the common room. No, still nothing. Her paw steps were hurried, and she swung open the door to the mansion, her chest rising and falling quickly as she looked. She couldn’t slow down. The sweet scent lingered, and the wolf took to the trail and followed it. Spring was in the air, the breeze lifting her wavy mane and teasing the fur in her ears.

At each turn she made Mati though that she would find Cambria, but her scent simply trailed her along. It seemed unending, or as if the young woman was just avoiding her, running. The idea brought her a frown to her face. Mati had caused that, there was no denying it. She wished to explain, though she still had not managed to write that speech. Perhaps a simple apology would work for starts, and then maybe a confession, if Cambria did not run from her. Of course, it all depended on if she could find her. Her scent was heavy now, and Mati spoke her name and feeling a sweetness in the feeling of the syllables on her tongue. “Cambi?” Whatever it would take, she would do it. But she had to apologize, needed to explain and desired her forgiveness.

p.

She felt so lost. Her mind racing with thoughts that she had wanted to quiet and forget. But they were too strong, the feelings too powerful for her to even understand. She had felt like she was searching in the dark ever since she had seen Cambri that first day she had injured her hand. The other female's kindness, and the way she looked at Mati, the soft way she touched her trembling hand with no fear and only focus, the sweet words of consoling and comfort. All of it had sent the once confident and collected artist onto an unseen path. But that was no longer her true barrier. With the advice from her new friend, and putting the thoughts and cares of others aside Mati had grown to understand her emotions to the point where she could go and seek Cambria. She would and stop being the coward that the small fragile woman had made her.

Though the Church woman simply felt as if she had already lost her. The scent still lingered, growing stronger. A rustle in the surrounding wood, a glimpse perhaps. No, it was her imagination. The desire to see the chocolate young woman, and to make amends were putting images into her mind. And yet Mati followed the sound, following her mind's playful tricks. She spoke her name again, and it tasted as if tainted with salty tears, "Cambria?" She was here, Mati knew it. The presence that she had felt the moment Cambi had stepped into her room and fallen under her gaze was seeping into her chest, sending her heart sound skyward and pounding deep into her ears. Paws stepped over a tree root, eyes falling to the ground and Mati paused. Purple gaze closed, knowing that the other female was just beyond the next turn.

Her courage faltered, the sounds of her own breathing coming slightly rushed and her throat swallowing hard. The woman's stomach knotted, wondering one massive 'what if'. What if Cambria wanted nothing to do with her? How would Mati take the rejection that she was almost certain was coming her way? Knowing would never be as worst as not knowing, just as Vigilante had said. Never attempting would make her wonder for the rest of her life. This was too powerful and moving to simply forget. The tall female stepped forward, turning the corner that the large tree created in the path and letting her eyes settle on the wolfess that stood immobile beyond it's trunk. The sight of her, after so much time, made Mati tumble into the unknowing that she had once felt. But it was not half as frightful, yet... Cambi's face spoke volumes. "I'm sorry." she said, the words no longer holding the dam that all her guilt had collected within. It was written on her face now, the plea for forgiveness, the need to explain. "I didn't mean to startle you." She added, covering her first uncontrolled sentence. With all the sadness and the unhappiness Mati felt when she thought that Cambi surely hated her, the mere sight of the other female made a meek, troubled smile come to her face.

<3

Her eyes were filled the picture of the other female. Her face the center of her vision, and the look that was laid gently on her soft features filled Mati to the brim. The emotion was overflowing, and it was cold and filled with something that she had never experienced and thus could not place a name upon it. She did not hate it, hating it would mean she wished to banish it forever. But would be left to replace it might be worse. It could be nothing, a hollow empty chest, her heart lost. What would she ever have to offer if she was void a heart?

The words she spoke that made the tall Church woman’s ears fall to her skull, and she felt the urge to take a step backwards. The guilt was immense, and with the lack of greeting and the single question Mati was simply secure in her assumptions. Yes, Cambi had been hurt as she left her room. But now Mati could see clearly that those feelings had yet to leave the other girl. Waiting, she looked down at the ground and trying to pull the words from the place where they had sheepishly hid. She had come here for a reason, and as she answered the question that had been asked, Mati repeated the words that had been spoken to her by her friend in her head, gaining focus and courage. “Yes” her voice almost cracked as it spoke but Mati held it unbroken.

She paused, her breathing and her heart filling her ears and mind with noise. ”I,” This time her voice did falter, though her head was picked up off the forest ground and she was able to look the female in the face. “need to say I’m sorry. For what happened the other day.” Her voice was soft, her tone filled the guilt and the unhappiness that came with the unease and what looked like fear on Cambria’s face. It made her wish to step forward, the need to comfort and console something she had not lost after their last meeting. She spoke as if it was not weeks that they had avoided each other, though it felt as if it had happened moments before. The feelings were still so vivid.

“I didn’t mean to… do that, and to make you upset.” Violet eyes pleaded, wet with tears unshed.

xD

She waited, pleaded for a change in the other female’s face, and the air around her. The same feeling of unknowing that she had felt the day she had begun Cambi’s painting were back in full force. But Mati had a defense; she had knowledge to fight it and to quell the questions. They were not gone or all answered to the fullest, though she did know what she had said to Cambi was the truth and that she felt as such. And, if Mati had never sought her or it she walked away now she would regret it forever. Cambria’s feelings were paramount and to hurt her again would be destroy the Church woman, but when the violet eyed fey looked past the wellbeing of the other female she realized that how she would feel was easily found. It was that she would never feel right again. A life plagued with questions that could never be answered. Her current confusion was on the path of a dawning light; if she turned away she would forever be in the dark.

And the chocolate female did change; Mati could feel the ripple in the air around her. Tangible as it always was, it was thick with their insecurities, heavy with tension. But there was something else, something that made her ears raise from her crown. They took in her voice, the voice that she recognized and the tone that made her heart skip. But her stomach twisted as well, unsure what would be said. The words, they meant so much and hit the larger female hard in the chest. She had made her feel that way, unwanted and strange. Strange to Mati, who had lived in a family that would mimic their own if such a day would ever been seen. The wolfess looked into the green oceans of Cambria’s gaze, her words stolen for a moment. She hated that anyone had made her feel such a way, and hated herself for being the one that did.

”No.” She spoke, her voice soft by not with weakness but with warmth. “I don’t think your strange.” Mati took a breath, her eyes still on the other woman, her voice had seemingly lost the words. The Dreamer tried to understand the feelings and what happened to be spoke was, ”I think your … I was, am still a little confused.” She corrected mid-sentence, but nothing seemed to weigh her voice down now. Her eyes glistened, but it was as if a new life had come to them. With a heavy exhale, “I think your overwhelming.” she spoke with a small but growing smile. Overwhelming, in a good way. A way that gave her world a reason to turn.

8D

Her worries were slowly drifting away, feeling as if all of this as going better the Mati had foreseen it. There were no tears from either party, and no one had felt the need to run away. She had feared the worst, picturing an immediate rejection from the younger woman. She would have deserved such a thing, and if Cambria could forgive her and feel safe putting herself out there again Mati would be wise to note her courage and reciprocate with a similar trust.

They till stood with distance between them, and Mati found that she still lacked the bravery to cross it. She could see a small brightness in Cambi, the seer unhappiness no longer written on her face. She could not sense that it was hope, but it was a light and Mati found it encouraging. The tension was still alive, but it was changing as well and morphing into something that was familiar between them. The familiar feeling easily brought her comfort.

Still her mouth was curved into a smile, soft and with the question the Earth hued looked away a bit bashful for her choice of words. It was a good thing, a great thing. No one else had ever moved her in the way Cambria had, and yes everything about overwhelmed the once steady and slightly stubborn female. “It feels like a good thing.” She said, eyes peaking up at the other’s face, wondering if what she was saying was something that Cambi wished to hear. They felt wonderful and uplifting to say.

There was so much that Mati was confused about, so much that made her unsure. She worried that with the answer that she gave would be wrong, harming the efforts that she had already put forth. Her eyes feel once more, her voice filled with obvious insecurity. “I have never liked another female before. And, I guess I don’t know how to figure out all these feelings.” They were a mystery to her, and yet she had felt something towards a few males that she had come to know Mati knew this was different. It was better.

:{D

Her heart was beating quickly, but the pounding was not the hammering that it had been, and her stomach no longer twisted but fluttered right along with her heart. Her skin felt alive, each piece of fur sensitive to the open air’s gentle touch. It was so new; it did not even match the feelings that had run through her when they had embraced in her studio. It was a freedom that her body and mind controlled together. Before her mind had been so overcome by the situation that it had shut down, unable to fight the pull that was generated between them. But now, her entire entity worked together, her mind and heart and body all agreed and it made her feel something that was elating and exhilarating.

Mati’s mind worked to understand and to know everything and how it was created. She asked the questions, wondered the reasons, and her need to know was what caused all her confusion. Cambi spoke, and Mati looked to her eager to know what she was thinking. She was her first, for Mati had known what it was to crush on someone and Cambi was looking at her as her only experience. The Church fey was not making it an easy experience, but she understood that hurt too and had yet to feel any comfort and healing until now. They seemed to be in the same place, though as she spoke again Mati began to understand why it had been easier for her to succumb to her feelings and her emotions while Mati questioned them. By just letting it all happen; without a plan, with no guidelines. They were a painting that had no undertone, no sketch. Just solid and pure colored, the soul of any picture.

Just as Vigilante had said, at times it all surprised you. But Mati no longer felt as if she had been blindsided by how Cambria made her feel. Her yearning to be a bit closer was undeniable, but she was still unsure. Would it make Cambria shy away? Would it be the push that made her run? The questions came and Mati tried to remember that she needed to just let it all happen. She did, allowing herself to take a step forward, the silence filtering between them. If this was what Mati wanted, then she needed to commit, she needed to take the fall as Cambi had those weeks ago. She had trusted her and Mati had failed her. She could see that now, having been blind to it before. It was her turn, and as small a step as it was she needed to prove that she to wanted to allow what they had between them happen. She breathed her in, keen nose savoring the smell, he eyes dancing lightly on her form as she lifted her gaze from the ground to meet her face.

“I want this to happen.” she said with a voice that worried that Cambria no longer wished that it would. Was she forgiven? Could she ever be?

great post my dear!

What she felt of spring was brought to her from Cambria. With that change between winter to spring she was what Mati had only truly thought of, painting her, searching for her, traveling for the search of things for her. Indeed she had come to meet one of Ehno’s children, and gained a new friend in the Miracle lands, but her mind was never far from what had happened between them. Any warmth that came to thaw the lands and free them of winter’s hold was not felt, not until now. Mati felt her own form melt, the ice and tension in her muscles heated and filtering away. There was still unknowing, yet she held the confidence that enable her to feel and work through it. Growing in her chest, eager to know what her reaction would be to the words she had spoken.

Mati didn’t allow any questions, and let her mind go blank. She watched, waiting until their eyes met. When they did she fought to read what it was that Cambria said, knowing that her mind was alive with the emotions and wants and needs that Mati hoped to fulfill. They did not show any sign of the sadness that they had once held, and Mati remember them from before. Holding onto the familiarity and drawing it in she searched to know what it was. Then she spoke, small sweet words that filled the air around them and changed it. Mati felt the need to lean against the tree, her legs suddenly weak. But she was surprisingly centered, stronger then she ever could realize.

Her eyes did not say leave; they did not say I hate you or that she was still hurt. Mati felt the soft warmth that the soft unspoken forgiveness brought. Then Mati took another step, now fully aware of what she was doing unlike before. Then she had felt out of control, not knowing how far she was going until she there. The distance between them was gone, now standing in the realm of each other’s space. The female was hesitant, timid in a way that she had never felt before. Another unmoving-step; the leap. Her hope soaring, her heart beating wildly. Mati reach out, touching the deeper brown hand with a smooth motion, the smaller digits intertwining with her own. “I think you're beautiful, I’ve never been confused about that.” a whisper of a voice spoke, and yet the words carried none of the weakness of before.

Once more Cambria did not move away as she advanced, and Mati’s confidence grew. There was something about it that made her nervous as well. But her body tingled slightly as their hands touched, and the pressure that Mati felt from Cambi’s fingers told her that everything was forgiven, everything was right once again. But it wasn’t the way it had been before. Mati still felt the pull, still relished the scent and sight of her, her heart still beat wildly and her carnal desires were still shadowed and unknown but deeper then she had ever felt them. But it was better, her mind clear, her thoughst not caring what another might think or worried that she might be doing the wrong thing. It was all very clear, and to know that it was okay to feel as she did and to know that Cambi felt the same way was liberating. If all the others thought the Cambria was strange, then Mati wanted to be strange with her. But their world was a special one, their home open to the difference that many held. Her mother would accept Cambria, and Savina would accept them both. A precedent had been set, and wouldn’t it be easy to follow?

Her voice came forth, and the world melted away. The trees becoming deep pools at their feet, the ground falling to the underworld below, the sky bleached and the sun flickering out. But their light was not gone. The words lifted her, and she spoke something that Mati would have never believed if said in another’s voice. It wouldn’t have meant a thing either. Violet eyes looked away, bashful once more at the compliment that moved her more then any had in the past. Mati felt as if she could hear her friends heart beat, though it was undoubtedly her own that pounded in her ears. She returned her eyes to the female’s face and wondered, and then spoke the question aloud; ”Is it fast?” her voice was soft, though not the whisper of a second ago but slow to be said. Her purple eyes looked at the bright sea green, finding their hue as intriguing and captivating as ever.

Until this point Mati had only truly recognized the negative affects her actions had on the other female. She had been so focused on the fear and anxiety that she had induced, of the pain that she could cause. The feelings that Cambria gave her were blinding as well, her focus so shadowed by the overwhelming flutter of her stomach and the increasingly quick beat of her heart. She did not see that it was her actions, her words, her mere presence that turned the beautiful girls frown into a smile. She caused the wild beat in Mati’s chest, but there was no one but the Church fey that made it race in Cambi’s. The thought of being needed, wanted by another was new, new and exciting and it was placed right along with the rest of the experiences that Cambria brought her. It also made her wish to be closer, made her own heart beat harder and higher in her chest. It rang in her veins, pumping electricity beneath her skin.

Fast, loud, Mati though the fleeting desire to feel it and to touch more then just the soft palm on her hand. Her arm was loose as it moved slightly beside them, her own tail waving slowly and softly behind her, its own mind showing the happiness that she felt. It all felt right, and even in the silence, with nothing more then the spring-awakening sounds of the wilderness around them, she knew that told each other how they felt. It was easy to read the Marino woman, her features so soft and gentle and yet still vivid with emotion. And everything that her violet eyes read was encouraging.

A deep breath, her being still heightened, her heart still racing. ”Mine is too.” She confessed, her voice a bit louder. Her arm grew tense, as she raised the paired hands between them. Her heart fought to be free of it cage, attempted with each beat to draw itself closer to the other female. She placed Cambi’s hand on her chest lightly, their forms now connected in a way that only made Mati want more. ”See.” She spoke, quieter now, her breath taken as if the soft touch had pushed all the air out of her lungs. Her heart pulsed beneath the hand, locked under bone and muscle. Yet it yearned to show the other woman how much it desired her, with each hammering pound.

loved your reply!

To often she was alone, locked away in a prison that she had built herself. It did not look like one, for the windows were large and sunny most days and the bed was big and soft. All her things were there, everything that she could ever want and desire. Her creations did not give way to confining thoughts, her creativity and expression as bright as the sun. But it was, it held her there and held her steadily. Her visitors were few, many taking her closed door as a sign that they were not wanted. Mati had attempted to draw Cambria into that world, and it had not been right. The other female brought her outward, and outside her comfort zone. Her skin had once held confining, and before when they stood in her room beside the unfinished painting she had wondered what it would be like to touch her without restraint. There she had been so cautious, confused and unfamiliar in such territory.

But Cambria’s hand touch her softly, gently and yet there was a pressure there that Mati could not get enough of. She wished to feel the black claws rake through her fur, touch her skin, pierce her heart. Mati wanted to tell it all, to share every thought and feeling and to know all that Cambi owned. Eyes looked down at her face, soft yet bright and alive. Then, Cambria made her first movement towards her since Mati had arrived, the first since their embrace those weeks again. Mati was ready for it, wanted, unknowingly eager their bodies touch. Her breath was lost once more, her smile faltering but only in the briefest moment of surprise at the rush of adrenaline. Her eyes could not look away, and when the fey lowered her head to her chest. The warmth of her face ignited her heartbeat once more, sending it into a flutter.

Her chest rose, breathing deeply as if she was fearful that it would be stolen from her once more. A slave to her movements Mati felt the other female take her hand and place it on her heart. She could feel the beat, and it raced just as hers did, jumping at the attention that Mati gave. Quiet were the words, and she hardly heard what she spoke. But, Mati took them in and felt the soft silk fur beneath her fingers. Her other hand could not resist, feeling neglect it moved upwards to touch the side of Cambria’s face. It drifted lightly over her cheek, un-chartered waters that she still needed to explore. Fingers dared to touch her mane, falling into the waves to brush against the soft tuffs behind her ear.

Forever watching her face, Mati’s own was graced with a small content smile. No longer worried, and moving beyond all the confusion. It was simply them, hearts beating to the same rhythm. Though the words and feelings wished to be spoken, how she wanted to share everything, there was something in the silence that still needed to be born, something that lingered as if there was a secret had yet to be said or told. Mati didn’t know what it was, but she wanted it none the less.