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A finger traced her brow, drawing the wave of fur away to join the rest that cascaded around her neck and past her shoulders. It was light out, the bright raze of the sun filtered from the beyond, past the trees that lined the horizon, through the newborn grasses, and finally through the transparent panes of glass of her windows. It hit her face, bringing spots to her open eyes and telling her that morning had finally come. There were shadows below her eyes, aches in her body as she lifted herself from the bed to sit and look out the window she had been staring through for hours. Folding her hands in her lap the Church wolfess was reminded of the cloths that had been messily tied there. Her mother was no healer, and even more squeamish at the sight of blood. But they had done their job, the bleeding stopping quickly.

Her raw wounds did not hold her thoughts, and her frown deepened as she stood. Anu had wished that she did not sleep alone, and Mati hadn’t wanted it either. But she refused her mother’s request and didn’t sleep in her room or allow the elder female to sit beside in the sunroom as she fought for sleep’s relief. She pictured the scene, following the rescuers back to the Manor, watching as they took her away. She was all right, and she would be fine and heal in time. Still Mati found that she had lingered in front of the door that closed off the room she stayed in. She had sat beside it in the dead of night, only to retreat back to her own bed where she lay awake until dawn.

Walking to the door, Mati cringed as she grasped the handle and turned it. It was quiet in the large house, many likely still deep in slumber, and she walked slowly and without a sound in the hopes of letting them sleep a bit longer. Her paws knew the route perfectly now, and it took only a few moments for her to reach the room. Cambria’s scent wafted from the crack under the door, and Mati felt her heart flutter and then sink instantly. Her ears turned to search for any signs of life from beyond the wood panels, and she closed her eyes. They opened with a snap; the memories that came to her were the same ones that kept her up all night long. She couldn’t hear anything, and her courage grew and she reached for the doorknob slowly. The door cracked, and Mati opened it slowly and carefully to keep it from squeaking.

<33

In a way Mait didn’t want to open the door. She didn’t want to know what was behind it. She feared the worse, always wondering how bad it was. She could wish and dream for the best all she wanted, but Mati Church could not loose that hint of insecurity. Cambira had been in the barn for so long, the minutes felt like hours, no longer... more like days. Mati had thought that the sun had set and risen again as she sat outside the dilapidated structure, her mother’s arms around her. The violet-eyed girl had drifted away from the older female, keeping a relationship that was almost something sterile. Polite, and never going too in-depth with their conversations. But Mati finally remembered how much she needed the elder fey, how easily she could unravel and then how easily Anu knitted her back together. Her mother’s love had never faded, and Mati’s need for her hadn’t either. Mati drew from all her memories of the silver toned fey, took a deep and hope filling breath and thought of all ways she wanted to open the door. All the things that truly mattered.

The tall female entered the room. A step was all she took, her body pausing at the sight of the covered body. She had never seen her like this, in bed and resting. But there was not a soft and restful look on her face, it was troubled and painful. Mati frowned, wondering how her body felt, wondering how the pain was and how deep it resonated in her form. She wondered where, and hoped that it wasn’t everywhere. Her eyes opened, small slits of the brilliant ocean that even in such a small amount left Mati feeling weightless as she drifted with her tide. Tears stung in the corners of her eyes, but she held them back. The frown that had been set on her face for hours upon hours was drawn into a small curved smile.

Hey she spoke, the meekest and softest voice ever spoken coming form her lips. She had missed her, worried for her and all the while hated that she had once more brought this hurt upon the other girl. Her stomach twisted, taking the hand that she extended as an invitation, and walking slowly to the bed. The Church female crouched beside it, taking in her face and savoring the warmth that matched her fluttering heart. Even in the devastation, she could not deny the feeling that rose when in Cambria’s presence. Mati clung to it, hoping desperately that Cambria still felt the same.

She didn’t know what to say, and as she came to the same eye level as the other female there was a silence that filtered between them. Violet orbs spoke volumes, their liquid color shimmering with the unshed tears that she painfully held. How are you feeling? She asked, voice still only just above a whisper. Her eyes glanced down at the smaller dark brown hand, and reached out to touch it.

LOVE

The floor was hard against her knees, but Mati felt some place else. Cambria took her there. It was different now, deeper into her emotions and clouding her thoughts with their intensity. She had feared the worse, and Mati found that she had never been so afraid. Sweet voice told her not to shed the tears that were floating under her eyelids, but Mati saw all the reason to do so. What had happened before had been horrible, so bad that she could understand completely if Cambria thought that her bumps and bruises were nothing compared to it. Still, it was not the same. Everything had changed, and the way Cambria stood in Mati’s eyes had changed. Dramatically and so quickly if felt like her head was spinning. Then she had been someone she cared for, a pup that was helpless. Now, Mati felt so powerfully that the thought of loosing her for good brought the threat of tears to her eyes. Cambria may have known worse, but Mati hadn’t.

I was scared. I didn’t know, no one would tell me. She spoke hastily but with the same low and quiet tone. No one had told her much, not as much as the female desire to know. She felt left out, lost in wondering and doubt. The others likely figured she needed just as much rest as Cambria, having been so emotionally worn. But they had all been wrong. The onset of rest and relief only stated to filter into her body now that she knelt beside Cambi’s bed. I’m glad your okay. Okay in a way that would leave her eventually unscathed and whole. She was in pain, and the Church fey knew not how to fix the hurt. She gave a small smile, wanting to help in any sort of way. Her eyes traced the soft lines of her face, finding no lack of beauty as she did so, even in such a state.

The smaller darker paws found refuge in Mati’s bandaged one. Her heart jumped, fluttering at the connection. Mati gently laced her fingers between Cambria’s, craving the contact and the affection. Just a scrape. She assured the other female, feeling a smile come to her naturally and honestly. My mother doesn’t do as good a job as you, makes it look a lot worse. She couldn’t even feel the sting, just being near the healer was all Mati truly needed. Her eyes danced long the mixed shades of brown that they created, still smiling. Her worry and fear had slowly turned to a gratefulness, though her eyes remained glistening with unshed tears but no longer created by her overpowering fear. She was so lucky, in so many ways.

Her words were uplifting hope. Caresses against her ears, light yet firm in their tone, pushing forward the truth and confidence that the other female felt towards their meaning. Mati felt her the strong one, and felt supported by her knowing and clear vision of the future once more. Things were always so hazy for the Church female, the what ifs could easily consume her. Cambria guided her straight, set her back on the path. She was grateful that she had someone who moved through life with such faith in her emotions, just allowing fate to play its card, and just moving with the tide that drifted them together. Mati was no longer scared, knowing that Cambria would be healthy and recover without a visible scar or an emotion scratch. Then a small sentence came fluidly from Cambi’s mouth and it made Mati’s violet eyes lift immediately to find the sea foam green gems.

I like us. She confessed, her smile small as she was too timid to let the larger and fuller grin show. Her heart beat with a quickening rhythm, pattering at the idea that they were more then just two single beings, the thought that they could be something much more. She felt all the emotions, the roots had been planted and their relationship had only grown stronger as the days past and the misunderstandings and small tragedies ensued. They were there, but Mati just didn’t know what it was yet. They words to describe them still unknown.

Mati could not hide the small amount of surprise that she felt when the aching female spoke once more. A bit of embarrassment was written on her features, but Mati could see how such a thing could be over looked. Anu was no blood relation, and Mati did not know of any relationship that the younger female might have with her mother. Anu, she is my adoptive mother. Mati spoke, her voice still quiet but only for the sake of those the might still be sleeping at this hour.

Cambria had been so young when Nani left, Mati wondered if she even knew that she and Anu had once been mated. It was something that Mati wanted to keep to herself, but such concealment seemed like outright dishonesty in Cambria’s presence. My birth mother was Naniko. The past tense simply slipped from her lips, and gave forth to the true feelings that the Church female had for the white wolfess. She had been part of Mati’s life, and the brown she-wolf did not think she would ever be again. Mati was silent, wondering if Cambi would think anything of it. Her hand was a bit tense, her fingers holding on in the hopes that she would not pull away.

:3

Mati had never been with anyone, in a way that Cambria had described them. But it wasn’t odd, or a difficult feeling to accept. It was nice, something that Mati wanted and something that she hoped would grow. She nodded her heard softly, steeping up to be the confirming entity at this turn in their path. She was set on this, secretly committing herself to something that she had yet to truly understand at it’s fullest. She wanted it, and no longer feared what might happen. Cambria had opened her eyes to it, showed her the door and helped her walk through it. She was ready to be led and to lead, and do what it took to keep them safe and happy. Mati’s smile widened at her next few words. Though Mati had been sure that what she felt for Cambria was mirrored in the girl’s heart, she couldn’t help but allow her heart to jump at the words that confirmed it. Cambria like them, together in the way they were.

Of course she would certainly forgive the questions that Cambi held. She was happy to explain anything for her, and her ignorance wasn’t seen as anything more then a small unknowing. Her surprise only lasted a moment, remembering that her relationships were not on for public display, and she was a bit ashamed of the fact. Her life was not something she thought to be significant, not in the way so that everyone would just know. But, it meant that she had not been spending the time with her mother that she should. It meant that in a way she had failed Anu. It was a job, being a parent. But there was also a responsibility in being a daughter, something Mati had not truly fulfilled. Yeah. She spoke with a smile and a nod. She was proud that she could say that Anu was indeed her mother, and that She raised us like her own. They were hers. Mati knew that blood tied two together, but thought little of it.

Their fingers stayed laced, and her violet eyes watched them as the room grew silent. She was so ashamed, so bitter and so scarred by the white female’s actions that she found it hard to look at the other girl now. The words that were spoken were harsh, and Mati had never heard such a thing come from the lips of Cambria. Her eyes were forced back to her face, making sure that yes they had indeed come from her mouth. There was no shock written on her features, though her ears tilted away with the rising uncertainty. The apology was unnecessary, You have every right to. Mati said, taking a deep breath and letting her eyes drift away. Gently she felt the other’s hand against her own, gaining a sense of comfort and strength from the contact. She has never tried to contact me, not since I found her burning down a house near the city, right after everything happened. I don’t think of her much, well I try not to. she spoke truthfully. She wasn’t important in the green eyes of her mother, and so the woman would no longer be important to her. Naniko had moved on, given birth to another litter and she could only try to help prevent that same neglect from happening to them.

Mati strived to be everything that her dam and sire were not, and to never see the seminaries that she shared with them. She would not be shaped by their blood.

your distractions-R-US

Just moment before entering the room the brown wolfess had been completely different . There had been claws in her heart, drawing it down in into the pit of her stomach. There was so much worry, so much internal grieving. She could have just let it go, but then it would have made the possibilities real, realer then the already felt in her heart. But everything was different. It felt like the same revelation and the same uplifting as when they had met in the woods. Alone, only their quiet voices and a reassuring word breaking the silence. Her worries were gone, the ones that prayed for her health and wellbeing. True she was hurt, and such a thing needed to be monitored and attended to, but it could be worse. Her world could have fallen apart, and thus Mati’s would have soon tumbled after it.

It was all before Cambria’s time. Before she was even old enough to truly understand the complexity of relationships. Mati couldn’t hold her ignorance against her, no one spoke of it, and those involved tried to rarely think about the past-Commander and her fall from her high seat. That was her mother’s life, and she knew Anu tried to move on when she could. The elder of the pack was fragile in some ways. She had seen the hurt in her mother’s eyes, but also the strength that helped her move on. It was not surprising to know that Anu was close to Cambi, Your mother has helped me quite a bit. So has your dad. She said with a smile, thinking back to the many times one or the other had either taught her something or helped her get through a rough time in her life.

Me too. Mati admitted with an equally soft voice. It was nice, to know that Savina already liked her. It was suddenly so important to know, and to be sure that Cambi’s parents knew her and even approved of what sort of wolf she was. Everything surrounding Cambria had grown and become far more important then it had been just the day before.

Mait felt the smaller fingers hold hers. Her heart jumped into her throat, and as it settled the wolfess spoke. Violet eyes came to the oceans the dwelled within Cambria, her words unsure and giving way to know the haze in which they came from. Mati knew that feeling, knew it so well and had been ashamed of it as well. I know. She spoke, taking the darker hand in two of hers. Her fingers unfurled, black nose finding the soft palm and touching it lightly. She kissed it, reassuring her that there was nothing to worry about. That world was far away, they were all far, far away. Mati so easily pushed them there, keeping the world that threatened to hurt her at arms length. I met his girl, Rio. She seems happy and safe there. Mati spoke almost to simply calm her own anxiety that surrounded the litter.