Cercelee

Jan 1 2007

Luperci

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There was no regret, no guilt, no nostalgia, as she crossed the borders. No profound feeling, no revelation, no real thoughts at all as her paws landed on Clouded Tears soil. This was nothing new, they came and they went, she had gathered that from last time she had blown through, as young as she had been, and she was just another one of them. Another face in the slew of her family that occasionally crashed in these lands, in the place that had spawned them. Yet it was no surprise really, the year old female had always meant to return. In fact, she hadn’t really meant to leave, it had been a child’s mistake. The phantom female and her friend, her cousin, had simply gotten carried away, they had wander too far and then kept wandering. The pair had run into a familiar face, familiar to one of them at least, and had traveled with him for a while, and then they had parted ways. After that she had traveled alone, but by that time she had passed her first birthday, a landmark in that she could care for herself, at least enough to keep alive and that was good enough for her, at least until she came back (home). Wanderlust, curiosity, a life changing journey (yeah right), however she spun it the conclusion was the same, her feet had not touched the dirt of Clouded Tears in many months.







Many months indeed had gone by, and she was sure that upon returning she would not find all those she had left, which was okay. Expectation and anticipation was reserved for only one, and he probably would not be pleased at her return. Her older cousin, the alpha, had taken her in, a helpless child, fed her, taught her about the pack and her family, allowed her to nurse her (emotional) wounds for as long as she felt she needed to dwell, and she had repaid him by simply vanishing. The hybrid could be angry if he wished, she deserved that, ignore her if he felt better about it, she deserved that too, she just didn’t want to be turned away. Although she looked forward to seeing him again, aside from the other abandoned white pup she had bonded with no one but he, she did not really expect a joyful reunion. She did not expect much of anything, but at the same time could not quell the tingle of excitement as allowed herself to move just slightly into the pack lands. Although she wasn’t here to prove anything she couldn’t help but remember the last conversation she had held with the male. A child’s voice echoed in her head, a silly promise that really had no merit in the real world as many would discover, but none the less reverberated off the walls of her brain. She would be happy here. Sure.







The months she had been absent had only strengthened this resolution. The sliver of trust in beauty, justice, and overall goodness in this world that had been slowly forming from when she had departed had grown into something more, although she did not outwardly express this. Despite the fact that the wolf had seen many in the past year who would not agree with her, who had stories very contrary to her system of belief, and although she was entering a land known for it’s unhappiness, a pack filled with demons and a lake that emitted the cursed fog that seeped into the residents’ blood streams, she would hold fast to these values, if somewhat privately. It was a survival tactic foremost. If just for a second she allowed herself to believe there was nothing in this life worth living, than she would probably lay down and give up, as many of her kin had done before her. So she had returned, if not to live happily, than just to live, and with that silent declaration she sat and waited, alert and thoughtful.

This is who she had been waiting to see, wasn't it? As the alpha approached her she was seized with the terror she had first felt upon meeting him. He had been a stranger then, terrifying because he had represented everything she had not wanted to happen then, her father leaving her, this unfamiliar place becoming her home, and everything strange and unknown and bad. Again he was that stranger, although she knew just as much about him as she did her own father, mother or either of her brothers. There was no recognition in his eyes, lest of all any sign of happiness at knowing she was alive, although she really hadn't been expecting that. Yet there was no anger either or annoyance, which she had been expecting, there was in fact nothing. It was as if he was viewing her for the first time and she was beneath his radar, or perhaps he was viewing her at all. Except that he did acknowledge her, she'd grown up, yes indeed.






Cercelee could not think to do anything but nod at his comment. Grown she was, but she didn't know what to do with that, although his words as hollow as they sounded were a small comfort in a sad sort of way. Before the tattered male, Cer felt like the same child that had left his den one day and never came back. Despite the cool welcoming, part of her was still shaking and shimmering with childish excitement at being back, at finding the hybrid still reigning here, but those feelings were pushed away by her confusion at her cousin's emptiness, and above all her need to remain composed. Always calm, collected and in control. Only she wasn't in control here, she knew that, but it did not matter. Cercelee had to keep her wits about her and keep her body acting of it's own will. The polar opposite of her father, whom spoke what he thought and did what he felt without any regard of how it would affect others. Too many people let their emotions and bodies do all the thinking for them, and she wouldn't allow that, not now at least.







Laruku, Cer paused for a moment, as she wasn't sure what exactly she intended to say. This had not been rehearsed, she hadn't thought any farther then her arrival, and Laruku had not given her much to go off of. Best to blunt perhaps. May I come back? Blunt indeed. What else was there to say besides exactly what Laruku would be expecting?

Thank you Kirikins.





Laruku's answer was as blunt as her question had been. Short and sweet; no fuss, no muss. Although she was relieved to be accepted, she found his lack of questions or emotion discomforting. Perhaps he assumed that she'd be gone as quickly as she had come once again, or more likely he didn't care either way anymore. Cercelee shifted her weight as he lingered just a little longer, but she was at a loss for words. No thought that held any meaning passed through her mind just then, and she certainly couldn't bring any words he might care to hear to pass her lips. The younger of the two was finding it increasingly hard to keep his eye contact, to stare at the emptiness that stared back at her. She still did not feel guilty for leaving, but she felt an unreasonable guilt for Laruku's change in attitude. Although he hadn't exactly been happy when she had met him the first time, this was unbearable.






You don't really need to ask.The comment lingered between them, it wasn't meant to comfort or welcome her, this she knew. The words implied that the alpha was just doing his duty, allowing her to stay because Clouded Tears had always been the place were the living ghosts and children of those ghosts ended up. Where else was there for them to go? Her gaze which she had been struggling to keep towards Laruku fell, and now she was staring at dirt, which she thought was very fitting. Unconsciously Cercelee laid her ears back and her body slump just slightly towards the ground, defeated and submissive, as she waited to hear the foot falls of Laruku leaving her. And then they came as he begun to leave her and she spoke the words that came out so bitter sweetly before she even knew she was speaking them.Thank you... And I'm sorry.