[html]Hey all, i've just joined 
I've never RPG'ed before and so this is a first for me and i'm extreamly nervous and dying to get out there but i don't want to make any (or atleast too many) mistakes. Hrmm, i've read all the rules and resources i could find. The RP Guide was especially helpful!
Okay, now to my main point: I'm terrified to start :')
I've thought about alot of things and started developing a character, i've tried to keep him simple with very little to his past but at the same time i wanted to incorporate aspects of my own personality and such things to make him easier to play if that makes sense?
So what i'm asking for firstly is, if my character is okay? Appearance and personality are on my profile already I'm also abit worried about my spelling and grammer as i'm aware i'm not particularly good :/
If there's anything in my character people think can be improved or is not allowed please point out x
Secondly, i'm incredibly stuck on pack and territories, no idea what's what and what would be best for me.
And last, joining. I've read over how to do so but am still confused. Sorry to be a pain :/
Anyways, this is what i've got so far:
Name: Alaki (Nickname: Key)
Gender: Male
Age: 1 year
Birthdate: December 20, 2009
Relations: All Deceased
Adopted Father: Jay (Deceased ?/ -yet to decide on best realistic dates-)
Luperci: Yes
---Where there is *** means i'm stuck on a location---
Bio: Born December 20th, 2009, Alaik has a common and often told past; Key has lost all of his family from when he was incredibly young. All that Key can remember of his time with his family is small glimpses of the attack; a voice telling him to "escape", to "get away" and he won't, he refuses to move, he will not leave them! Yet despite his resolve something grabs him by his scruff, draggin him away, his fur turn red as he is dragged through a pool of blood next to the remains of a white wolf.
The one whom saved him from the attack was a slightly older wolf called Jay. Aside from Jay and Alaki the rest of the pack was killed off, Jay refused to speak about the incident and the pack to protect Key from a possible traumatic past and so key grew up never knowing anything about his home and family. This is also the reason that Alaki has no last name.
Through his childhood Key depeanded completely on Jay and Jay raised him as his own; teaching him everything he could in the short time they spent together. Over time Key became adept at hunting and surviving, constantly playing pranks on Jay and full of semingly endless energy.
Jay was small for a Gray Wolf but Key admired him for his cunning and quick thinking; which was what kept the two alive for the most part. Unlike Key's darker colour Jay was a light grey wolf with a compact body, his ears slightly deformed from past fights; Key imagined Jay fiercly fighting of emey's three times his size bravely and without hesitation. His personality was quiet but observant, he had endless patience and was tolerant of Key's constant pranks, sometimes even encouraging them if he saw them as beneficial . . in some way or another.
The two travelled a great distance together and their last moments together were spent in **** where Jay unexpectanly died of an unkown course. It had been clear for awhile that something was not right with Jay; he was losing weight and was extreamly under weight, despite this he would often skip meals, regardless whether there was plenty off food, alongside his loss of appitite he was often lathargic and slept an un-natural ammount.
After Jay's death Alaki closed in on himself, he didn't want to face the pain of loosing Jay, it hurt to much. He started ignoring reality and everything around him.
But, not wanting to waste away the life Jay had saved, Key tried to make it on his own and so settled down in **** for awhile. Yet something was always missing, a jig-saw missing a piece, his life was never 'right' and so he set of to find a pack, hoping that within a pack he can find himself again. After a few days of walking he came across a small pack that accepted him in and so he tried to settle in. He acted the fool and the other younger wolves loved his act, adored him making a fool of himself but they never loved him. He was an outsider and never truly accepted into the pack. And so he left on his own again, spending his time up to now constantly on the move on his own.
He has currently stumbled into **** territory. skittering around the edges whilst having an internal debate whether to enter and try to belong in a pack once more or to continue on his way. . .
[/html]
Ooh, well what you have so far looks great!
I'll bold words I edited so you can see. Most of these are just typos that can easily be remedied by copying and pasting your information into Microsoft Word. Another alternative is to add a dictionary to your internet browser. Firefox comes with one already in it so information you type into forms is highlighted if it's misspelled.
| QUOTE (Appearance) | Appearance: Key's coat consists of mainly dark grey of varying tones but in various select areas his coat takes a 'reddish' tinge, standing out upon his dark coat is a light natural formed 'shooting star' upon his forehead.
His eyes are another distinctive feature, for the are light blue in some lighting and almost black in others.
As for the jewelry he has three piercings; all on his left ear. All 3 are plain sliver but the lower one is a silver hoop.
He wears a friendship bracelet made from mixed blue strings intertwined; this was a gift to him from his now deceased adoptive father, Jay.
Around his neck is a simple black cord necklace with a clump of silver attached, which originally belonged to Jay. After his death Alaki has worn it ever since.[/quote]
| QUOTE (Personality) | Key is an air head, always in his own little world; he is constantly trying to escape from reality as to cope with his own insecurities. His insecurities stem from never getting any positive attention when he was young which lead him to believe that every aspect of him is useless, that no one would want to be near him. Due to this avoidance of reality he often finds himself isolated and alone; no one would want to put up with someone who won't tolerate themselves and whom is socially inept. Alongside his air-headed nature he never thinks before speaking and has often been said to be to blunt and inattentive** to others and forgetting minor and major things constantly.
Another aspect in which contributes to Alaki's anti-social behaviour is that when he was young, he acted as the 'clown' and to make people happy. He sought to make others smile and to make them notice him; however, this brought only negative attention. Over time his acting the clown has made him one, along with leaving him unable to clearly get across his point to others; thus he often embarrasses himself in his eagerness to impress and please others, such behaviours of his has lead to constant misunderstandings and awkward situations.
When he is bullied, annoyed or simply cannot get his point across he resorts to violence. He pushes others away, further isolating himself.
Yet, despite his many faults he is a sweet natured boy at heart once you get past his unique exterior. He is deathly loyal to those whom he is close to and won't tolerate any harm to come their way. Once someone becomes close to him he becomes possessive; whether they are friend or mate he does not like to share.
Despite all this, he surprisingly can be a submissive canine, not wanting to participate nor be involved in power debates. On the odd occasion where he has kicked up a fuss due to his short tempered nature and his "bite before asking" way of life, he has simply got on his back and played 'harmless'[/quote]
** This is related to parallel structure. If you have a sentence, you want to pair your lists in the same way. For example, you would list verbs, nouns or adjectives together.
Eg:
GOOD -> He is rude, annoying, and vindictive.
BAD -> He is rude, never pays attention, and hikes often.
GOOD -> Mary likes to hike, to swim, and to ride a bicycle.
BAD -> Mary likes hiking, swimming, and to ride a bicycle.
So if you say, Mary likes to [verb], [verb], and [verb], this is good!
But if you say Mary likes to [verb], [verb], and [verb]+ing, it is bad! (Eg: Mary likes to run, jog, and enjoys sprinting)
I hope this helps! XD I totally suck at explaining this ;_; You can check Purdue Owl or google it. That might help you out! :3
Hi there!  I just got your PM, and I'm going to respond to you here! <3 I don't want to overload you by communicating in too many different places. X3 It's great to have you here, though, and I do hope you enjoy it. - Profile: I browsed over your profile information and I think it's pretty great. :3 The appearance section is quite nice, and I really like the image you used there. I like his personality a whole lot, too.
The only thing I might expand upon would be the relationship between Key and Jay -- you state in your profile that Key is rather standoffish and socially inept. Maybe that could be as a result of distance between him and Jay? Rather, Jay took care of him and taught him a bunch of important skills for survival, but maybe Jay himself was a bit off his rocker and didn't quite teach Key all the social skills he needed. Something like that! I don't really have any suggestions for you -- Key looks like an interesting character. :3
- Spelling/Grammar: Your spelling and grammar isn't bad at all! There are a few mistakes here and there, but honestly, it's quite well-written for the most part, and there aren't any severe mistakes. But more important than the technicalities of your writing, your character seems to be very well thought out.
If you want to improve on spelling and grammar, you can always ask a Mentor to take you on or even post writing samples in this forum so others can gently critique them. But this doesn't have to happen immediately, of course. I'm of the opinion that it is way more important for you to get settled + acclimated to the game first. ^^; Later we can work on the technical stuff. Tammi also seemed to have helped you quite a bit here. ^^
- Pack: For packs and territories, the Active Pack Summary might help you out. It's a detailed explanation of all the different packs and their cultures, territories, etc. All of the packs are different, honestly, and if you really don't know which you want to join, you can always become a Loner for now and join a pack later.
- Unknown Locations: For the locations you're uncertain of, I would say maybe Jay died in southern Quebec or New Brunswick somewhere? I'm not sure where he originated from, but both of those places are relatively close to 'Souls, and they wouldn't require many months of long journeying.
Hope that helps!
[html]Thanks for the help ^^
I've gone over and edited both his personality and his appearance.
For locations i'm gonna go with southern Quebec and see how that fits in :3
Oh, and i went alittle bit more into Jay, constructing his appearance, personality and alittle bit about the time him a Key spent together.
It also brought out some potential personality and skill aspects for Key
I think i'm nearly ready to start?
- - - - - -
 Name: Hayashi Jay
DOB: 22/03/2007
Died: 20/04/2010
Age at Death: 3 Years 1 Month - 29 years
Type: Gray Wolf (Luperci)
Character alignment: Chaotic
Skills: Surviving, Hunting, Jewlery making, fluent in Japanese and English
Note: Tendency to swear in Japanese when irritated (Much to his dismay, Key picked up on this habit)
At the age of 15 months, Jay rescued Alaki from an attack on their pack. After rescueing Key he dedicated the remainder of his life to raise and teach Key all he could.
Jay and Key were opposites in many many ways, where Jay was quiet, reserved, observant and patient, Key was loud, bouysterous, blunt, unobservant and irritably impatient. But the two got along in harmony, their different traits equaling eachother out.
Some of the main skills Jay focused on teaching Key were cunning and quick thinking; to always use your mind, to find an enemies weak spot and strike without hesitation. Alothough sadly, much to Jay's dismay, teaching a young energetic pup how to spy and stalk with great stealth resulted in constant pranks.
Yet, despite all his survival teachings to Key, Jay was not a socially adept wolf. He prefered quite observation rather than partcipating in a convosation and due to his own dislike of socializing out of the minimal required amount he left Key without many important socialization skills.
Two months before he died, Jay knew he was dying and so he began to teach Jay more advanced survival skills further neglecting basic socialization skills. He wanted Key to survive no matter what, but by doing so Key lost the majority of his childhood; he had less time to play the helpless pup and was forced to mature and look after himself at an young age.
The relationship between the two changed constantly, at times it was mentor and apprentice, yet when they had stopped practising the two would take up the roles as father and son. And contrary to Jay normal 'cold and quiet' attitude he adored Key, indulging in his pranks.
- - - - - -
Key's Stuff:
Due to his lack of childhood, Key can often be petty, childish and easily pleased?
Key's skills: Thorough, Cunning, Quick Thinking, Stealth, Stalking, Strategist (Would make a good assassin)
Swears in Japanese when irritated (But often does not have a clue what he's saying)
- - - - - -
[/html]
That looks great. The only suggestion I'd have is if you're going to make your character have Japanese, ties, explain why. It might be that his ancestors were wolves in the zoo and their pen was next to a Japanese-speaking predator. I don't think there's a big Japanese population in Quebec (Wikipedia says that 0.05% of the population, or 3210 are Japanese. This would probably be lower in the 1980s.)
If you start thinking about this, it might help you shape Alaki and think about how the influence of another -- albeit unknown -- language had on him. Would he know French as well? Or would he have heard it? Maybe he thinks French and Japanese are the same since he doesn't understand either, haha.  Just some ideas!
Also, most gray wolves are some sort of "gray wolf" subspecie. You can check our Species Guide here. The Eastern Timer Wolf is the most common in Quebec and most of Central and Eastern Canada. :3
Obviously these ideas are just suggestions since it looks like you've already thought out a lot of things. Everything you have so far looks great to me. This is just one of those extra things to think about since I don't have much else to point out! 
[html]Okay, this is what i've got so far
(Alaki's Appearance and Personality on profile)
Jay's Stuff:
Name: Hayashi Jay
DOB: 22/03/2007
Died: 20/04/2010
Age at Death: 3 Years 1 Month - 29 years
Type: Canis lupus lycaon (Luperci)
Character alignment: Chaotic
Skills: Surviving, Hunting, Jewlery making, fluent in Japanese and English
Note: Tendency to swear in Japanese when irritated (Much to his dismay, Key picked up on this habit)
Jay way born on the 22nd March’07, his ancestors were wolves in a zoo, their pen was located next to a Iriomote cat who’s first language was Japanese. His ancestors soon picked up Japanese as a second language and have passed it down each generation. Jay himself if fluent in Japanese, but chooses on to speak Japanese when swearing or insulting others.
At the age of 15 months, Jay rescued Alaki from an attack on their pack. After rescuing Key he dedicated the remainder of his life to raise and teach Key all he could.
Jay and Key were opposites in many ways, where Jay was quiet, reserved, observant and patient, Key was loud, boisterous, blunt, unobservant and irritably impatient. But the two got along in harmony, their different traits equalling each other out.
Some of the main skills Jay focused on teaching Key were cunning and quick thinking; to always use your mind, to find an enemies weak spot and strike without hesitation. Although sadly, much to Jay's dismay, teaching a young energetic pup how to spy and stalk with great stealth resulted in constant pranks.
Yet, despite all his survival teachings to Key, Jay was not a socially adept wolf. He preferred quite observation rather than participating in a conversation and due to his own dislike of socializing out of the minimal required amount he left Key without many important socialization skills.
Two months before he died, Jay knew he was dying and so he began to teach Jay more advanced survival skills further neglecting basic socialization skills. He wanted Key to survive no matter what, but by doing so Key lost the majority of his childhood; he had less time to play the helpless pup and was forced to mature and look after himself at an young age.
The relationship between the two changed constantly, at times it was mentor and apprentice, yet when they had stopped practising the two would take up the roles as father and son. And contrary to Jay normal 'cold and quiet' attitude he adored Key, indulging in his pranks.
The relationship between the two changed constantly, at times it was mentor and apprentice, yet when they had stopped practising the two would take up the roles as father and son. And contrary to Jay normal 'cold and quiet' attitude he adored Key, indulging in his pranks.
- - - - - -
Key's BIO:
Born December 20th, 2009, Alaki has a common and often told past; Key has lost all of his family from when he was incredibly young. All that Key can remember of his time with his family is small glimpses of the attack; a voice telling him to "escape", to "get away" and he won't, he refuses to move, he will not leave them! Yet despite his resolve something grabs him by his scruff, dragging him away, his fur turn red as he is dragged through a pool of blood next to the remains of a white wolf.
The one whom saved him from the attack was a slightly older wolf called Jay. Aside from Jay and Alaki the rest of the pack was killed off, Jay refused to speak about the incident and the pack to protect Key from a possible traumatic past and so key grew up never knowing anything about his home and family. This is also the reason that Alaki has no last name.
Through his childhood Key depended completely on Jay and Jay raised him as his own; teaching him everything he could in the short time they spent together. Over time Key became adept at hunting and surviving, constantly playing pranks on Jay and full of seemingly endless energy.
Jay was small for a Gray Wolf but Key admired him for his cunning and quick thinking; which was what kept the two alive for the most part. Unlike Key's darker colour Jay was a light grey wolf with a compact body, his ears slightly deformed from past fights; Key imagined Jay fiercely fighting of enemy’s three times his size bravely and without hesitation. His personality was quiet but observant, he had endless patience and was tolerant of Key's constant pranks, sometimes even encouraging them if he saw them as beneficial. . . in some way or another.
The two travelled a great distance together and their last moments together were spent in southern Quebec where Jay unexpectedly died of an unknown course. It had been clear for awhile that something was not right with Jay; he was losing weight and was extremely under weight, despite this he would often skip meals, regardless whether there was plenty off food, alongside his loss of appetite he was often lethargic and slept an un-natural amount.
After Jay's death Alaki closed in on himself, he didn't want to face the pain of loosing Jay, it hurt to much. He started ignoring reality and everything around him.
But, not wanting to waste away the life Jay had saved, Key tried to make it on his own and so settled down in Bâtons et Pierres for awhile. Yet something was always missing, a jig-saw missing a piece, his life was never 'right' and so he set of to find a pack, hoping that within a pack he can find himself again. After a few days of walking he came across a small pack that accepted him in and so he tried to settle in. He acted the fool and the other younger wolves loved his act, adored him making a fool of himself but they never loved him. He was an outsider and never truly accepted into the pack. And so he left on his own again spending his time up to now constantly on the move, still yearning for a place to call home.
- - - - - -
I've also got a rough idea of what pack i ideally would like to join ^^ *fingers crossed*
Big thanks for all the input and help so far
[/html]
|
|
|
