ooc Some of the details about how she realized she was pregnant are fuzzy and not so eloquent because Alaine and I are still working on that thread (due to my slowness). wc 1094

The secret was eating her up inside. Yes... it was literally eating her up inside! She had known since her friend Alaine visited from Cour des Miracles with an adorable little swelling belly of her own in tow beneath her crimson cloak. Orin was so excited and happy to see that Alaine would be having pups soon. The Takekuro woman fantasized about how in just a few months, after they are born and grow a little older, she would be able to visit Alaine and tell the puppies some of the many stories she knew. She would cart over books with pictures of adventures and glorious places and kings and empresses and captivate the little pups for hours. Maybe she could even teach them to read from the get-go, so they would grow up literate Luperci. Reading and writing was always much easier when you learned the skill as you grew, like Orin did. She hoped dearly that Alaine would let her do all of this... and she suspected the small Winters woman would, since the apothecary herself wanted to learn how to read and write, too.

Yet her day with Alaine had revealed another little secret. One Orin should have already known but did not have the age or experience behind her to have been keen on it. Not only was Alaine already a mother, and a mother-to-be again, but she was also a healer and herbalist. Alaine knew everything there was to know about the body (or so Orin thought) as well as healing and utilizing herbal poultices for optimum health. It was not long, on that day, before Orin revealed to Alaine the recent dramatic events that unfolded the week prior. Since then Orin had been in the most horrendous mood. She felt lethargic, depressed, and negative. At first she supposed it was natural and that the reason for her mood was Sky, the woman who attacked her, but the mood carried on well into the following weeks. Then, soon, the cloud colored woman found herself ill.

She had not told anyone in Cercatori about her illness for she did not know who to turn to. Sky had some medical abilities but she was the last person Orin wanted to see right now. And, well, with her mood muddling her every thought she did not feel outgoing enough to leave her bookstore and look for help. Instead she secluded herself inside – though she was receptive to friends who came over – and ate the few breads and cheeses she had in store.

She was hungry all the time. There was a while, in the beginning, where she would eat but could not keep most of her food down. Or she would be hungry but so nauseous she could not force herself to eat. She craved strange things, fruits she had never even tasted before that would never grow until summer. One day she had an uncanny urge to eat the snow, which only served to give her a chill. And this pattern of weirdness went on, and the little Takekuro woman lost even more weight beneath her winter coat, because she did not have access to the foods that could keep her healthy.

It was when she related her story and consequently told Alaine of her illness that the apothecary diagnosed her. It was so sudden and immediate. Alaine knew better, and knowing the story easily assumed Orin's problem, and then confirmed it.

Puppies... Orin thought as she walked across the open floor on the first story of her bookstore. Puppies. She was still trying to drive it home. In a few weeks, she was going to have puppies. Other people had puppies, not her. She wondered if it was a dream.

Yet if it was a dream, it was very realistic. The things that had been happening to her body... her mood... her declining health. She learned from Alaine the things she needed to do to keep healthy and give both herself and her puppies a fighting chance. Orin had been terrified of the notion at first, so she kept going about her business as she had for a couple more days. It was when she felt her body flush in fever that she decided she needed to face facts.

I feel like I'm living a part of a story... Like this isn't my world. Like someone is controlling it and I am just a piece in the puzzle. Could I really be about to have children? The thoughts raced through her mind. By now she had draped her satchel over her shoulder and had retrieved the sheepskin cloak, one of her only possessions that had made the trip from Florida. The cloak was around her small shoulders in a heartbeat and she pulled the hood over her head and low over her eyes. As she stepped out the chill of the afternoon bit her. It was a strange sensation, normally the cold did not bother Orin. She glances around but her eyes saw little through her daydreams. She went east.

It doesn't matter how I feel now, though, she continued inwardly. I knew, even before Alaine told me what was happening to me. I knew but I was too stupid to admit it. I should have done this earlier. There is no more time. They have no more time. If I chicken out I'm not hurting myself, I'm hurting them. I am not a pack wolf for nothing. I am not meant to lose my pups because I can not find food for myself. Her small hand slipped over her midsection and she pressed her palm gently onto her belly. It had not grown enough...

She kept her face shielded by the worn hood even as she stepped out of the foliage and into the little clearing. Her eyes spied Shawchert's hut up ahead and a strange electric pang zipped through her body. Was she really afraid of this? Was she frightened of talking to Shawchert? Or was she scared Sky was going to be there? Or was she just excited? Things would be better soon, right?

She took in a deep, shaky breath, and suddenly her feet stopped. She did not want to go over there. That is what started all of this in the first place. She had no way of knowing if he was home, and for a long while the ivory wolfess simply stood at the edge of the clearing, struck dumb by the torrent of emotion that threatened to shatter her calculated exterior.

ooc Eee! 412

The woman held steady when she saw Shawchert emerge from the other end of the woods, and all at once her throat went dry and the winter's chill snaked through the protective layers of her cloak and her winter fur and settled in her bones. Her muscles clenched and she tried to keep from shivering but had little strength with which to battle the cold. Beneath her cloak and unseen she drew her tail closer to her, curling it around her body, and crossed her arms. She did not.. could not call out to her alpha when she saw him slip from the woods and almost enter his hut without noticing her. She did not know what she would have done if he had, but it didn't matter. At the last moment Shawchert had noticed her cloaked form against the border of the forest and came towards her.

She kept her face half veiled by the hood and for a moment was still as a statue, letting him span the length between them and come to her. There was a weakness in her and she did not want to move. She was unsure of whether it was because of a lack of courage or because of her condition and improperly cared for body. The walk to Shawchert's hut normally would have been no problem, but in her weakened state and on such an empty stomach it had not been easy on the girl.

Her jaw clenched as the man stepped up before her, and she finally broke her stillness by tipping her head back to look up at him. The hood slipped back and off and she stared up at Shawchert with an illegible look etched into her eyes. There was something terrible there, and she had not even realized how awful it would be until now. At first all she could do to respond was to give him a halting nod.

The look in her eyes was echoed by the deep lines beneath them. Normally youthful and vibrant, her eyes were dark and shadowed now. Her hands moved under the cloak and she closed the small gap between the sheepskin, giving another small shiver. Despite what she thought she would do, she held his gaze and finally was out with it. “We... we do not stand on this ground alone right now, Captain. With me are your unborn pups.”

Orin suddenly looked so frail it was like she would break.

ooc Feel free to do a little pp if needed, like getting inside or what not. WC 507

She watched every last hint of emotion as it trailed across the alpha's face with the many thoughts that reeled inside him. Though she did not know what he was thinking, she understood how he felt. She remained silent as he played it through in his mind, letting him work it out on his own rather than interjecting with her own useless chatter like she would normally have done.

She did not like the way he looked at her. A small frown played at her muzzle once she realized it. Of course it was just another tendril of his thoughts but she knew that she was not the glorious, glowing sight that the fairy tales claimed pregnant women to be.

“No, it's our fault. I'm not angry that I'm going to have pups.” There was so more to be said, but Orin left it alone there. At least for now.

The little white twin peaks of her ears twitched as he went on. She expected nothing less of the Captain yet hearing his words from his own maw began to uplift her spirit and brought hope. The change in her face was slight but it was there. Her frail body looked like it might be too weak for much else. A ghost of a smile whisked onto her face, then was gone. “I knew you wouldn't abandon us.” Her reply was small and simple, but dripping with faith and gratitude.

His eyes were looking at her like that again. Her ears smoothed back and her fingers snatched the edges of her cloak, pulling it around to fully envelope her again. But this was the reason why she had come in the first place. Of course she would have told Shawchert about his pups either way, but she had left her home and sought him out because she was unhealthy and needed help today or it just might be too late for the pups. Why did she despise his judging eyes so much? She was used to that look what with her dreadlocks and pink dyed mane and tail. But this was different. It was the pity behind it that bothered her. Did he only pity her because she was sick? Or did he pity her because of what she was to become; an unmated mother.

Still, he was offering help, and that is why she came. A chill nestled in beneath her cloak and she trembled. It looked like she would fall to her knees at any moment with the exertion of the simple act. “Wow, I'm not used to feeling the cold.” She muttered low, almost inaudibly. She took a shaky step towards Shawchert's hut, her words were calculated and halting. “I did not know...” There was more but she decided against speaking right now, remembering how breathless a simple walk with Alaine had left her a few days ago, and that was when she was healthier. Carefully, she walked with Shawchert towards his hut. “Yes... I need something to eat.”

wc 1002

Shuffling towards the hut was easier with Shawchert's help so the frail wolfess leaned up against his bulk when he took her arm. Orin welcomed his soothing warmth as she let him lead her into the hut and offered her a place to sit on the bed. The last and only time she had been inside Shawchert's hut had been that afternoon, the one that led to the reason she was here now. Still, there was no remorse as she sat down on the bed, only an overwhelming sense that something mystical had taken place here. No, she was not in love with Shawchert and that was not what plucked her heartstrings as she sat there, the atmosphere of his cabin regaling her senses. This was the place that her future children were created. A petite hand dropped to her belly again. It had not grown as much as it should have, but Orin prayed that the weight that had shed from her frame had been gained by her unborn children.

Orin changed as she sat upon the bed, like a great weight had been lifted off her shoulders in that moment. Much of her old vigor sparkled in her eyes. Although it was deep and hidden it was there. This very place was filled with love and beauty despite its simplicity and the misgivings that had stemmed from her encounter here. She closed her eyes for a moment, inhaling her first steady breath since she left her bookstore earlier. Maybe things really would be okay.

By the time she opened her eyes Shawchert had moved away from her and was preparing some sort of a meal. She watched as he lit the fireplace, and the balmy warmth that spilled from the hearth soothed the sickened woman even more. She had no fireplace in her bookstore, and that never would have been a problem had she not gotten pregnant. Yet the miracle had still occurred and left her prone to the cold. As the captain fetched the meal fixings she took it upon herself to get a little more comfortable and laid down on her side, her cloak now acting as a blanket. She only had an old, crooked cot in the bookstore to sleep on. Compared to that, this was a cloud.

The moment she wriggled into a comfortable position, Orin was asleep. It was a quick, deep sleep that Orin did not even know she had befallen until her eyes opened. She was still drowsy, but already she felt worlds better. Shawchert had finished preparing whatever it was he was cooking for her and had returned and said something more. She looked at him for a minute with a placid cast before a half smile cocked at the corner of her mouth.

“I don't care if you're the alpha,” her tone was low, still weak, but teasing. It was a huge improvement. “I'm commandeering your bed.”

A little half giggle bubbled in her throat before she shifted, stretching her legs and back so she was not so scrunched up. Her hands went to the ties on her cloak and she soon shifted the sheepskin from a garment to a draped blanket. When she was satisfied and comfortable again her half lidded gaze returned to Shawchert. She was still tired but more vibrant than before, and the look in her eyes communicated her need to talk.

She began, “I didn't know what was wrong with me. I thought I was just taking the fight a little too hard. I haven't wanted to see anyone in weeks and I thought it was all because of Sky. And then I got sick, and I thought that was her fault, too. I didn't have my scratches looked after until a few days later and assumed I'd gotten an infection.” She knew he followed for she and Sky had talked about the scratches Orin received from Sky's claws the day Shawchert sentenced them to working on the pack's stables.

“I've hardly been able to leave the bookstore and I thought it was because I didn't want to. But then Alaine visited. Alaine Winters, she is my friend from Cour des Miracles. Did you meet her when she was here? If you did then maybe you know that she is the apothecary. That is how I realized what was wrong.” A small, sheepish grin pressed onto her muzzle. It was embarrassing to not have known her own body, to not have known she was pregnant.

“It was a few days ago, still, but I didn't know how to come tell you. I would have sent a letter and asked you to come to the store but I didn't want people to start talking. Or talk more. I don't know, are they talking? I don't even know what's going on anymore.” She was picking up speed. Not nearly the motor-mouth that she normally was, but at least she was more than the ghost she had been a moment ago. “Since I didn't know what was wrong I didn't take care of myself right. I thought I was just getting a little thin and since it was winter I didn't think I should have asked for more food. We all get a little thin in the winter. But Shawchert... Alaine told me a little bit about how to care for myself... I'm scared...” Her words suddenly became muddled, disjointed by her fears. “I hope it's not too late... I feel so sick now... Look at me... I'm scared for them, Shawchert... I'm scared they're going to die... I didn't know... I'm stupid... I didn't know about Sky... and I didn't know about them... and I'm destroying everything...”

The little doll broke. It only took one courageous tear to march down her cheek and soon the others followed. She clenched her eyes shut and buried her face in her hands, but her sobs were silent. She hardly had enough energy to cry.

ooc I love this thread. wc 869

She cried until her eyes ran dry, unable to say more until she worked through this bout of sadness. It was eerie how deeply this moment resembled the one that delivered them to this predicament in the first place, though now the roles were changed. The subject was comparatively different, though, and now was their shared burden. Orin took solace in Shawchert's comfort, appreciating the gentle hand rubbing her back and his presence there, and a part of her knew he would give her more but was afraid of crossing a line again. Things were different now, though. Orin knew about Sky's feelings towards Shawchert, not to mention what she and Shawchert had shared. After it all, they had come out in the end as friends. The lessons were engrained in everyone's psyche now, and there was no chance of misinterpretation. When Shawchert leaned over her she shifted, opening her arms and wrapping them around his broad shoulders. She needed the comfort and thought he might need it too, but this time it would not go too far. Her actions were innocent, the embrace was an exchange of friendship.

It felt like he fed her a power as her arms closed around the alpha. It was that inexplicable pack bond that was ever present, it was nature's magic that so closely interlocked pack wolves. They were like nature's empaths. The connection might be purely emotional but many gained a primal strength from it. Orin gained that strength now. The closeness of her alpha, her friend, and her pup's father was enough to bandage her troubled spirit. She held on for a few minutes, never making any gestures that even remotely ghosted the last time she was here.

When she let go and let her head rest on the bed again, she felt better. She looked better. The weight of her secret had lifted and she now had someone to help shoulder her burden. More importantly, she had someone to help her undo the damage that had been done to her body in her ignorance, and perhaps save the lives of her unborn children. Their unborn children.

“I feel like I could eat a moose,” she said finally, the tremors of sadness nearly memory specters by now. “But broth sounds like a good start. All I've had the last few days was some of that old bread I got from Bangle. I haven't even shared in the pack stores. I've been having trouble keeping food down so I didn't want to eat up the supply and waste it. I hope broth is gentle enough on my stomach.”

She sat up when Shawchert moved away from the bedside and searched for a bowl. Surprisingly enough the short rest had done wonders and she was able to let the cloak fall to her lap, no longer needing it so tightly wrapped around her for warmth. This, plus the fire in the hearth was enough to keep her warm.

Orin wondered about the little singer as she watched Shawchert scoop the broth. What had happened with her? The last time she had seen the Katruk woman was when Shawchert punished them for the fight. Since then she kept herself secluded from pack business and had not heard an update on anything during those weeks. She cocked her head.

“How is Sky?” What she was really asking was everything other than that. What had happened between Sky and Shawchert? Was she still furious with Orin? Was any tentative bandage on the womens' relationship only a facade? Her intent was sincere, though, and she honestly wanted to know what had come of things. He was back now and she accepted the bowl with dainty hands, and for a moment simply sat and enjoyed the warmth of the soup in her hands. Yet upon an insistent growl from her stomach she brought the bowl to her lips and sipped from the side, gulping down half of the tasty broth. Had she not been so hungry the heat might have bothered her.

She thought about what it would mean to have Sky come here and care for her while she was ill. It was probably the best idea for Sky understood the body better than she did. Of course, there was the fact that Sky had attacked her, and that was pretty much impossible to ignore. Still, it was the realization that Orin might be pregnant that ended the fight that afternoon. Despite herself, Orin felt that she and her pups would be safe in Sky's care.

“If people didn't already know I wouldn't tell them they're yours,” she offered. It was charity, she thought it would make his life easier. Yet the story was sure to have circulated through the pack by now. She took the spoon in her hand and stirred the soup, watching the meat swirl in the liquid. “If you want, I could make something up.” She took a bite of the meat and then met his gaze, a half amused grin pretending on her muzzle. “Not that I'm going to let you off the hook as daddy or anything. But no one else has to know.”

wc 709 YAAY! I officially completed SSWM!

The aroma of the soup was tantalizing and as Shawchert talked she drank more, leaving the bits of meat in the bottom of the bowl to be plucked out and chewed on one by one. The most important nutrients she was lacking was from meat. She did not have a stockpile of her own and had been sustaining herself on an unnatural diet of breads and other small hor dourves type foods. It was a poor diet for a healthy wolf, let alone a pregnant one. She didn't know how much she missed meat until it was in front of her now, and she plucked two chunks from the bowl and gulped them down, foregoing the chewing process. That was probably not a good idea, she thought, and promised herself she would properly chew the rest.

Her fingers snatched another morsel and popped it into her mouth as her eyes shifted back to Shawchert before a look of shock twisted onto her face. “Sky had a miscarriage?” She blurted, repeating Shawchert in utter horror. A half chewed bit of meat was wedged in her jaw, and in her surprise she failed to make good on her promise to herself and swallowed it whole. How could this be? Orin stood up, her cloak falling to the floor, but the sudden movement in her weakened state left her dizzy. Confused, the bowl slipped from her hands and the few pieces of meat she had yet to eat rolled on the floorboards.

Woozy, she pawed for the bed and sat back down. “Oh my god, I'm sorry.” She didn't know what she was doing. The woman leaned forward, hoping the sudden nausea would subside quickly and that her blackening vision would return. She stared forward with unseeing eyes for a moment until the hut slowly seeped back into view. She looked at the mess she made, dismayed. “Oh no,” she started as she looked at the wasted food. Well, she was feral at heart, it was still consumable. Still, this was no time to fret over the meal, it was only a few bites anyway. She looked at Shawchert, shaking her head softly in concern and confusion.

“What? I don't understand. I'm sorry, Shawchert. I didn't even know she was pregnant. When? How? When did... you and Sky...?” She looked at her fingers as though doing the math. Well, he sure didn't waste any time, did he? She almost said it out loud but caught the horrendous folly before it could leave her throat. If Shawchert had just lost pups it was not her business to poke at the circumstances of their conception. “That's... that's terrible. I don't know what to say. That's a quarter of the way through her pregnancy... I'm just a little farther along myself...” The thought terrified her and summoned all of her worst fears to the fore again. Her hand dropped to her belly and her palm rested there gently.

“If... if Sky lost your pups...” She looked at Shawchert. The words might be taken as an insult, though they were not meant to be. “Then what hope do mine have?” It was Sky, after all. A very caring, maternal Luperci woman of her pack. What's more, Sky was the one they were just considering asking to help care for Orin! Was it just the will of nature that she lost her children, or was Sky not as talented with the healing arts as Orin hoped? And how could she expect a woman who just lost her pups to care for her? Wouldn't it pain Sky to care for a pregnant woman, a constant reminder of her loss?

Shawchert said something more about their unborn pups, and Orin heard the words that would later register. It would be a relief that he did not want to hide his children from the pack. She would not have to make up a story about their father or lie to her pack mates, which would only be futile if they resembled him in the slightest. Yet she was so worried about the news about Sky that the words did not immediately click, and she did not have a response for them right away.