Forward Dated to October 15, 2011
Flowers? Saxif wondered as she dreamed. It wasn’t usual for her dreams to be so pleasant so she took advantage. She plopped into the field of wildflowers rolling, filling her nose with the tickling scent of pollen. Everything was beautiful for the trees were as colorful resembling the fall leaves that decorated the trees now, but the ground blossomed with spring, the sun felt like summer but the air smelt of winter. The huntress felt so at ease as she rolled to and fro. Then something rolled into her. It was Shiloh, her dream-self felt so relieved to see her. Mmm hi babe. She took Shi into her grasp and started to lick her muzzle. Her arms snuggled her into her chest then she spoke but she couldn’t hear her words. She looked down into Shiloh’s eyes and saw the stranger smiling up at her forcing her to wake.
The feeling of Shiloh’s warmth still filled her; she looked down only to find Shiloh snuggled up to her. The unexpected surprise startled her throwing her off balance in her hammock causing her to flop right out quickly followed by Shiloh landing a top her. Ooof. She coughed as the wind got knocked out of her. She eased Shiloh off her chest and sat up rubbing the ache of the fall. What are you doing here?! She asked not necessarily angry just a little surprised. Saxif did miss holding her in her sleep but like the dream her fears would just take over. She rubbed her face and looked to the sky, it was dawn so she figured she might as well stay awake. Then it dawned on her as to what day it was. Shiloh had been asking Saxif to learn to protect herself, although Saxif had been resistant to the idea it was true she needed to know. Who knew what else her frail form might endure if she were somehow attacked again or if she put her nose into something that she shouldn’t have. She looked to Shiloh. You ok?
WC:859 I think I went over board just a tad
Shiloh had gotten stronger in the weeks that followed her loves return. She had meat on her bones and she didn't look as frail or as weak as she used to nor did she feel it. It had been late at night when she faked her sleep. She wanted to know where Saxif went to when she left her alone at night. So when Saxif licked her cheek softly and left the room Shiloh gave her a head start before changing forms a following her out of the house she was in. She had stayed down wind of her huntress mate, knowing that if she smelled her she would be angered and make her go back home. So Shiloh kept her distance and followed Saxif to where she slept.
They had traveled for a long while, Shiloh knowing deep down Saxif hurt and blamed herself for Shiloh's other. They had traveled to a tree just outside the boarders, the ground covered in Saxif's paw and hand prints. What had she been doing out here? Shiloh watched her go over to a hammock that was slung between two low hanging branches. Shiloh watched Saxif pause before pulling out and throwing her dagger into a dead branch on the tree before going over to her hammock and laying down. It was a long time before Saxif slept and Shiloh watched her cry for hours before she drifted into a fit full sleep. Shiloh shifted forms and slowly crept up to Saxif while she slept. She was having a nightmare and Shiloh placed a hand on her chest, running a soothing hand over her lithe frame. She could feel her heart race under her palm and it had been a while since she last touched her mate. She was more muscular now, obviously training when she wasn't with her. She touched her stomach softly, feeling her muscles bunch and tighten under her gentle touch. Whatever Saxif had been dreaming she seemed to calm and Shiloh took advantage of the large hammock, getting into it with her mate.
She felt a calm wash over Saxif's sleeping form and she shifted to her lupus form and curled up next to her, touching her nose to Saxif's briefly before laying her head on her chest to listen to her heartbeat slow and become steady. "Sleep well my love. I wish you would let me help you," she whispered before falling asleep.
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The morning sunlight had just started to show in the sleeping wolves when Shiloh was woken up by Saxif pulling her on top of her before nuzzling her softly. Her eyes were still closed and Shiloh knew she was dreaming. She reveled in the soft licks and nips Saxif gave to her and Shiloh licked her and nuzzled her back, not wanting this to end. She felt Saxif's love for the first time in two months. Everything was going great till Saxif must have seen something a woke up. Her eyes were not the golden color Shiloh had grown used to and for a moment Kavi flashed in her eyes. something is wrong Shiloh. She has the same look she had that night in the hut. Saxif carries her own demon she heard Kavi tell her in her mind. Shiloh looked down just as Saxif came to and accidently flipped them out of the hammock. "AAIEEEE!!!!" Shiloh yipped as she fell on top of Saxif, knocking to air out of her. Shiloh scrabbled to get off but Saxif was quick to ease her off her before asking why she was there. She backed away, her ears laid back because she knew what was going to happen now as she sat back on her haunches.
She was scared to look as Saxif but was shocked by her last question. "Ye...yes Sax I am ok. I..I followed you he...here.... last n..ni..night... I wanted to...kno...know wh...whe..where you go when yo...you...your no..not with me. You... have..ni..nigh..nightmares. I..ca...cal..calmed you last night and sl...slept with you. You calmed a...after I laid down s..so I stayed," she stuttered keeping her jade eyes low. Saxif was so scared of losing her to Kavi but Shiloh was scared she was going to lose her own mate to the copper eyed demon inside Saxif. She had seen it before. That day at the hut where they confessed some of their feelings for each other. The night Rain came and took her from Shiloh and was put on trial for both of them. Saxif had her own other and she was more dangerous then Kavi could ever be. A small part of Shiloh feared her own mate and she hated herself because of it.
"I..I am so...sorry. I sh..shou..should have stayed at the house. I... sh...should have snooped... you... don't want me anymore," she whispered softly still keeping her eyes low. If she can't look me in the eye then she has nothing to fear. She can't push me away... she thought as she stood and started to leave...
Saxif watched Shiloh as she spoke allowing her to go forth with the spew of anxiety. She took a breath to calm herself before speaking. You should’ve. It was true that she should not have been spying on Saxif but it was also inevitable. The huntress was not surprised for she had been putting off going back to the cottage. The trip to her sanctuary though was always soothing in a way. If being near Shiloh brought her dreams to peace then maybe it would be wise to move back to the home they had been gifted. She had not seen much of Kavi in the past weeks but still the Shiloh he had known was not there. She had not stood up to her, not shown that strength she adored in her… was this what Kavi stole from her?
As the scarred female started to turn away Saxif wanted to let her go to just take the day to her own. Then she had to remind herself what day it was and couldn’t break another promise. Wait Shi, did you forget what’s today? She forced a small grin an attempt to show that what she had done was not that huge a deal. This sort of saddened her though it was difficult to show any emotion lately so her face was quick to return to the stone expression. Come there is a field that is perfect near here for your first day of training. She started to shift into her lupus form. Any time you don’t feel up to something you will stop and let me know right? She hoped her mate would as she was still more or less healing and her body was still gathering strength. We’ll start slow. Now come. As her body inched into its final stages she started to move towards the field.
Shiloh paused when Saxif asked if she remembered what day it was. "Ho...how can I forget," she said turning as she watched Saxif shift. She let Saxif get a few feet away from her before running at her and jumping on her "RAWR!! she yipped biting down in Saxif's scruff playfully. She was still too weak to knock Saxif over but she enjoyed playing with her. "Co...come on Sax... where is your sense of fun anymore. Yo..your to..u..up tight, she said though muffled teeth. Shiloh's ankle had healed for the most part so running was starting to come back to her. At least for short distances. She wore a tightly bound animal skin on her ankle now and despite the limp she had in optime she was as good as new. She was smaller then Saxif so she was able to stay on her back for a short while, nipping and playing with her, trying to lighten the mood.
"W...well your no..no fun," she said after a few minutes of trying to get Saxif to play with her like they used to. She slid off her to the left and landed on her back with a laugh. She offered Saxif her pink stomach as her tongue lolled out with her mood. She wanted to play for a bit before getting serious but she felt Saxif would push her away. "Come... on Sax. S...stop worrying so m..much and come play. I'll te....tell you if I feel tired or w...weak," she said rolling over and nipping at Saxif playfully.
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Out of character text here.
She looked back at Shiloh as she grasped the huntress’s fur in her mouth. Well… I give you props for taking advantage of an opening but if you really want to learn this, it is no game. She wished she could feel playful in that moment it was clear her mate had wanted more than just a teacher but her friend and lover as well. Though the thought of the task at hand was something that Saxif took very serious. She knew the dangers that lurked in these lands, knew the creatures that wouldn’t wait for a moment to kill a wolf such as she. The white beast she had encountered with Leon was one of those creatures she often dreamt about and feared. It was the reason she trained so much for she knew if she ever got into a confrontation with one such as he Saxif could now hold her own. Though before fear was all that took her. Shiloh needed to understand the seriousness of learning to defend herself and learning just when to escape a situation. If she had done this for her earlier maybe it would have saved the both of them far much more grief.
So Saxif took a deep breath and looked at her playful mate and barked. It was an announcement of her seriousness her need to show Shiloh that this is no game. Shiloh when you asked me to do this for you I was under the impression you actually wanted to learn. So I need to you take this to heart. A fight is no game that is fun, it is dangerous and at times life threatening. She took a breath to calm herself once more.
Now the first thing to learn is knowing just when to run, when to submit and when to fight. She put herself into a fighting stance and started to describe her posture. The key is you hind legs should always be at the ready; they are what give you the power in your lunge and in your movements. Hold your legs under your hips tense but leave your knees bent for balance and reaction. She bounced her hips slightly to show her balance and buoyance. Your front legs should be just over shoulder width apart and your body should be able to move in every direction. She kept her paws on the ground as she moved her front quarters left right and around.
The most important part is your head. it will protect much of your body. Your jaw should be loose ready to open wide and clamp. Always look your opponents in the eye for most of the time you can avoid a fight with a hostile creature just by showing no fear. It takes practice and wits for most of the time you will be the smallest thing there. But your size gives you advantages, gives you speed and agility that most creatures can’t compare with. Some beasts are smart and know this fact so if you can show them you are one bad little wolf they could back off. She smiled lightly in hopes to boost her confidence. Though it won’t work with every creature and that is why you need to know when to run. Always keep aware of your surroundings, if you see an out, take it and use that speed of yours to escape. If you feel you can hold up a chance in a battle then there will be things you need to remember.
She rounded Shiloh as she positioned herself and swept her leg back. Shiloh’s body fell to the ground. The hind legs is where the balance is, if you can knock your opponent to the ground you have time to decide what to do next whether its to run or to attack. So always keep it firm and be ready to break for dodging. She helped Shiloh back up. You ok, if I get too rough let me know too.
She walks. She talks. She thinks.
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Saxif's bark hurt her more then her words. Kavi again threatened to take over and Shiloh quit her playful banter and stood, her hurt and anger fueling her. Saxif's words were drown out as she let her anger control her. She brissled and snapped at Saxif as she rounded on her. Oh she was mad but kept her words to herself till Saxif knocked her down. She was quick to get to her feet and rushed her mate, her jaw open as she let off a feral growl before lunging at Saxif. She was letting her anger get the best of her she knew it but Saxif had driven it out of her. She watched Saxif jump out of the way and knock her down again.
Shiloh stay where she fell this time. She was going to get the upped hand on her mate, so help her. She let her anger course though her and she let a growl rip though her as Saxif came over and nudged her up. Are you alright? You can't let your anger get the best of you. It will always be your down fall," she heard her say. Not a single bit of emotion in her voice just instructions. "What does it matter if I am ok or not. Just teach me this so I can take care of myself because its obvious you don't want to. I won't need you after this Saxif," she snapped at Saxif before going at her again only to be put to the ground. I am doing this for myself. If I can take care of myself I will never let myself rely on someone again. I will need no one. I will love no one she though to herself as she got up and squared herself again. She kept her hind legs tense, poised for Saxif's move. She was ready for her and as Saxif lunged Shiloh dodged and nipped her flank with a growl. Oh she was going to enjoy this.
Saxif paused completely taken aback by Shiloh’s words. Had Saxif really hurt her that badly? Shi… The anger in her eyes was clear as she lunged at Saxif. The huntress easily dodged. This was enough she needed this to stop before Shiloh got herself hurt. She swept in for an attack but was surprisingly dodged. Saxif chuckled quietly even with the absence of her mind Shiloh must have learned something. Good. You can dodge. Unfortunately I am in no mood for this. You want to leave after you learn to fight? Then fine, find someone else to teach you! She growled her eyes darkening as a result. Did Shiloh really want to leave? Could Saxif let her? In that moment yes, she was exhausted. Tired of the anger, the guilt, the sadness.
Suddenly she started to shift into her optime form deciding in her hurt fueled rage that she wouldn’t give Shiloh the chance to leave her. She grabbed the only thing she cared to take. She loosened her faithful horse’s ties and mounted him. All the while grumbling curses in her native tongue. She was going to strike his sides to move forward but she paused. Maybe it is best that I just leave for good. All I seem to do is hurt you. She looked back at Shiloh her eyes glistening. Even with the hurt of losing her mate to Kavi; losing her all together still felt shattering and impossible. But she knew it might be inevitable, her heart just ached and her mind always ruined her. She was no longer the one for Shiloh she felt, maybe someone out there might be a better fit for her.
All i got to say is WOAH.
Shiloh shifted to her optime form. "ALL YOU EVER DO IS LEAVE ME! I AM FIGHTING NOT JUST FOR MYSELF BUT FOR YOU! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE I STILL LOVE YOU! I still love you Saxif. I just can't handle being this weak helpless female anymore. You say I have changed but look at you. Who has changed more? I can control Kavi but you... you let your anger and fear get the best of you and you run from me. I can see it in your eyes, I can smell it on your fur when you try to be around me. Can you even honestly tell me to my face that you love me? Because the more your not around the more I fear I have lost you. I am not Kavi. I am the woman you fell in love with at the boarders of AniWaya. I am still the woman who's heart is tied around your neck. You just won't let me love you. Leave if you want Saxif but like I said before kill me if you can't love me because I can't live without you," Shiloh said looking up at Saxif with as much hurt and loss as she knew Saxif felt.
Shiloh felt her anger turn to hurt, hurt she felt every time her mate was away from her, every moment she didn't feel her love. She knew Saxif was and had given up on her because Kavi couldn't keep her mouth shut. She was slowly getting rid of Kavi for Saxif but Saxif wouldn't see that. She wouldn't notice that Shiloh too had nightmares and longed for things to go back the way they were before she was beaten. Shiloh looked down as she cried. Saxif couldn't love her anymore. Maybe leaving her was for the best. If Saxif didn't kill her herself she would find a way to kill herself. She couldn't live with know she had lost the only person that made her whole, that completed her. "I am so sorry I am not stronger then you want me to be. But I thought you had more confidence in me," she whispered before turning and starting to leave. She paused, her hand going to her neck, clutching the fox that resided there. She pulled it off and walked over to Saxif.
"Till you can love me again," she whispered handing Saxif the necklace before turning as starting to leave again, this time she wouldn't stop her tears or hid her pain. Her heart called for Saxif but her soul was lost as she attempted to leave the woman she loved.
OOC: Sorry it just kept comin. The whole threatening her life really pissed Saxif off.
The guilt was great as she allowed the anger spill from the girl that power she had missed so much showing within her. She lowered her head as Jager shifted from side to side wondering what was the hold up. Then Shiloh’s words shifted to grasp hold of the angry beast within the huntress. She felt her brow furrow and her heart quicken and pound as though it were ready to burst. It was this that drove her most crazy in all this for it was the one thing she ever used to try to keep her there. She dismounted her horse after Shiloh handed her the fox her body completely hostile in nature. She didn’t know how she looked to Shiloh in that moment but she couldn’t hold back anymore. She walked right up to her completely and utterly enraged. She raised her hand and pointed a finger at her.
How dare you! How dare you, accuse me of being blind to your love for one. For it kills me inside to see it everyday and not be able to return it as you want. How dare you, spit on the very essence of our friends our family that worked so hard to keep you alive twice. Friends, who love you, miss you, maybe even more so than myself. You would make their struggles their efforts all for not? A complete waste of time? She stepped forward waving her finger, her voice was fierce but as she approached her next sentences they had begun to weaken into a struggling tone. It was clear she was on the verge of tears but she fought against them not willing to break down. And how dare you use this threat against the one you love. She fought a gasping weep in that moment.
You have made my life a prison when once I was free with you, to be as I was. I know I have changed I wish I had not, I don’t deny my changes my anger I only resent it. It has come between us just as much as that demon that resides within you. I cannot control mine it is true but the longer I am here the longer I am shackled to watch over you I don’t see myself ever returning to as I was. She couldn’t hold it anymore everything was just holding upon her too much that she want to destroy everything in her path rather than cry. The fact that Shiloh was there though had kept her from exploding. She clenched her fists but could no longer hold it so she instead dropped to the ground gripping her knees tightly hoping this struggle could be detained.
Why can’t you see that if I stay here I will only hurt you more? I love you too much to allow that to happen. So please Shiloh please don’t end your life because of me, I am merely a weak person trying to stay strong. You deserve so much more than me, you deserve someone who will love you for all that you are and not hate half of you. You deserve someone who can really see just how strong you are, how beautiful you are and just how amazingly kind you are. You deserve someone so much better than a bitter bitch who just doesn’t get it. She gasped in bursts through the words as the weeping began. She didn’t know what to do anymore, didn’t know what else she could say or do that would fuck everything up more. Then the beast threw a thought in her mind something that had been chewing at her since she first noticed it. It was enough to get her to stand and approach Jager once more with a fury rekindled. You deserve the female I smell upon you so often… for anyone at this point is better than having me as a mate. She jumped upon Jager’s back and kicked him into gear.
She really hoped Shiloh would take her words to heart, for it was true in her mind that Saxif could never love her as she once did. Her heart was blackening with a darkness she didn't know how to stop. Her home gone, her mate lost and now her own mind completely at war it was clear she could not stay. She felt the small fox still gripped tightly in her hand as she rode with the reigns. She wished she could one day return, one day return the wooden figure with true intent of loving the scarred girl. Then she started to justify her action hoping instead of feeling like she had merely just given up. That maybe, just maybe this would be good for Shiloh and herself for they had come to depend on each other's love so much it was crippling them to live.
Shiloh stood stupified as Saxif left her. She was in shock at her words. She was alone. Orin had a mate that loved her. Saxif just left her heartless, soul less and in pain. She finally let Kavi out but not before she let loose a howl so heart broken and pain filled it was a surprise she didn't die in that instant. There there Shiloh we will find someone for you. We will not die I will not let you kill yourself. Happiness will find you. I promise it will. whispered Kavi as Shiloh let herself go. They would leave Cercatori d'Arte, knowing that Orin couldn't love them. They wouldn't even go to AniWaya with the memories and the tyrant still there. They would go far far away from anyone and everyone they cared for. Kavi would make Shiloh numb till the time was right. Kavi stood as tears that Shiloh cried still ran down her grey fur.
Kavi walked back to where Saxif had been living, taking down the hammock and strapping the bow and arrows she left behind to her chest before taking the belt that held a holder for Saxif's dagger. She had some trouble pulling the dagger from the tree but after a few tugs it came loose. It was well worn and Kavi knew it needed to be sharpened. She would work on getting strength back in her arm and would learn how to hunt and fight on her own. After she had taken what she knew she would need she left the campsite never to look back. It was a long trek back to d'Arte and by the time Kavi got there she was feeling to pain from falling down and sparing with Saxif. She went to the house she had been living in and packed up what meager belongings she happen upon in d'Arte. She would thank Skye for her help and thank Orin for listening and seeing Shiloh for who she was, for who Kavi was. Then they would leave and never look back. She knew she and Shiloh could survive without someone by their side. And they would because it was all they had left to do... Live and hope for a better day.
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