Over time, Shandom Qi'Vaex began to realize that his infatuation with the beautiful and mad Linquilea was growing to be unhealthy. It was an unpleasant tidbit of information he chose to keep tucked in the back of his mind, but, regardless, it was still there. Day in and day out, thoughts of his obsession began to bother the introspective alabaster male; he did not think that it was healthy, or normal. He kept his words of her to a minimum, having only mentioned his beloved to the strange and wonderful Caprica of Anathema he met in the woods. Even still, the only reason he'd mentioned Lea was because of the striking resemblance between the two. Recalling it gave him stabs of pleasure and pain; Shandom could not decide whether or not it had been worth it.

Still, Linquilea came to Shandom in his dreams. They were always the same: the two of them at the river, sitting in peaceful silence for what seemed like many hours. The day within the dream would wear on until the sun dipped below the jagged Etient mountains, and the male felt true, calming serenity. No words needed to be exchanged, no deep sharing of feelings: it was simply him and his beloved, sharing the end of a wonderful day.
But then she would turn to him, and he would notice that her eyes were deep, ruby red and filled with madness. Her face, once so elegant and proud, was scarred with anger and betrayal that ran thick in her blood. Lips lifted into a snarl, the female would lunge at him before falling through; she could not touch him. Terrified and confused, Linquilea would back away, eyes wide and deep voice echoing You did this to me, Shandom. This is your fault.

Night after night he awoke from this dream, shaking and panting as he could not remember. Somehow he found himself blaming Cours des Miracles for his unhappiness; after all, why else would he be experiencing such sudden misery? It was not fair, nor was it normal; as a loner, he certainly thought about her a lot, but nothing in comparison to how he felt now. Perhaps it was the sloth that had consumed him since he arrived - Shandom had not done much of anything, nor interacted with much of anyone, since arriving in the packlands. He found it too uncomfortable.

And so he came about the decision to wander the halls of the strange Hotel in which most of the pack resided. His steps were short, nervous; in order to maintain a semblance of comfort, Shandom remained in his Lupus form. He was comfortable on four legs - more himself, really. The strange human rooms struck him as borderline idiotic - why would anyone want to live in here? Shandom was doing quite fine with his makeshift den, thank you very much. It was there, underneath the lovely tree, he would stay. Life as a wolf complemented him, as it was the life he was raised to have. This bizarre humanized form would never be his lifestyle. It would never give him any friends, and, if the male were being honest, he missed having friends of his own.

Shandom was completely and totally confused. Eyes narrowed, the alabaster male wandered around, constantly on edge and extremely suspicous. He'd never actually been in a human settlement before, and this was absolutely bizarre. The male felt horribly enclosed: he could not taste the normal scents of air, and the wind currents were vastly different. The place was also several degrees warmer than outside, and while that made sense - well structured caves kept him warm as well - Shandom still absolutely hated it. He already missed soft blowing of wind through his fur. There was absolutely no way he would be living here. Ever. What is this place? he thought to himself as he meandered mindlessly through the halls.

A sudden sound, accompanied by a familiar scent, caught his nose. Terra! he boomed excitedly, wagging his tail with delight. Though the pair had started off on the wrong foot in the Unclaimed Lands, Shandom thought her to be a good kid: spunky, if a little annoying and clueless at times. He liked that about her, though. She wasn't particularly worried about normal societal conventions, and while he prescribed to them strictly, he could respect her desire to create her own path. Plus, it made for interesting conversations and potential adventures. He gave her a wide, easy smile and his stance relaxed; she was the one wolf in the pack he actually felt comfortable around. After all, they were met on four legs. I'm doing wonderfully, my lady - Just trying to acquaint myself further with the land I selected as my home. He kept his response neutral, so as to not indicate any displeasure he might harbor towards Cours des Miracles. Shandom had no want to be seen as disrespectful even if he, internally, was.

She babbled cheerfully, discussing winter and food stores. That is an intelligent idea; I have not yet begun my own store. Although, I truly hope you are not actually planning on harassing any bears - you are so tiny, and they are so large! The male's voice was playful; he did not mean what he said as he teased the younger female. In this, Shandom revealed his ignorance of this pack's life - he did not know of any communal stores that may or may not exist. Internally, he was already planning to fend for himself and make as little impression on his new home as possible. Rabbit, squirrels, and other small game were still plentiful, and, if he were lucky, he might be able to bring down a buck or two with the help of some of his packmates... Or maybe Saxif, if she were around. He was definitely more comfortable with the idea of Saxif.

Looking around, Shandom was struck with a seemingly absurd notion. Terra, do you live in here? Shandom asked, his voice slightly strained. I am feeling so entrapped - I have not yet been in here, and I'm not quite sure I enjoy it. It's so strange!

Seeing how easily Terra had adapted when she had been as feral as he made Shandom slightly pensive. He'd assumed the transition from normal wolf to this humanized creature was something that he'd be going through with at least one other creature. It wasn't as if he'd automatically assumed it would be Terra, but she was the only creature he'd met in the pack that was anything like him. Wild, four legged, lupus-formed... It made him uncomfortable to know that it was, perhaps, him who was the strange one. The idea that he was also shockingly more comfortable when removed from the pack was foreign as well. Shandom had assumed that when he moved back into pack life, he would transition easily; it would be effortless, like breathing. Instead he found himself with this overwhelming confusion and dread. He didn't want to be a loner forever. He needed someplace to call home.

Inhaling deeply, Shandom considered what it would be like to live here, in these four walls. I'm not sure I could quite enjoy it, with all the divisions and such. Plus, I like the outside air, even when it is cold and wintery. Still, I do miss living with my packmates. In my youth, the dens were all close together; nobody was ever particularly isolated unless they wanted to be, and that in itself was quite uncommon. He knew he was probably revealing more than he ought; regardless, he had to talk to somebody. Despite Shandom's naturally aloof nature, he still was not unsociable. The days of loneliness had begun to take their toll on him; he wanted nothing more than to babble away at Terra.

I must admit, I've never seen a particularly tall building. Most of my wanderings have been far away from human settlements. The few cities I've passed have remained mostly in the distance. I've never had much desire to explore them.... I prefer the wild. He grinned at her sheepishly, as if slightly embarrassed of his admission. But, would you mind showing me where you live, Miss Terra? I have not been in any of these rooms, and I'm curious to know the appeal. Shandom hoped he did not come across too blunt or assuming; the male considered her a friend.

He followed her warily, still nervous of the strange halls and doors. The male was not accustomed to such a lifestyle, and it seemed in excess to him. It was, really, almost too luxurious. If anyone from Etienne could see him (and see him without hating everything he had done), they would bark a familiar coughing wolfy laugh at his particular situation. Either that or they would accuse him of being a witch, and run him out from the pack - again. Shandom couldn't see himself blaming them, really. Sometimes, he wondered if he had stumbled into a world of magic and abnormal crafts. But then he would look around and take notice of the still remaining shreds of normal, and the male would decide it was all right to stay (and accept that he was in his right mind).

As they walked, Shandom spoke. I can understand wanting to stay near the pack. It's certainly safer, and more natural for us. Still, though, I haven't brought myself to accept that everyone here lives in these strange structures. I just really, really can't see myself living here. I guess it just feels so...counter-intuitive. Had he been in his Optime form, Shandom would have rolled his shoulders to indicate his slightly indecision. When they reached her room, the male peered around. It was very strange to him, but he could see Terra's natural personality showing through: the strange thing upon the floor appeared to have a nest atop it, and she curled quite nicely into it. To me, Terra, this seems like a palace, Shandom laughed. He stayed a respectful distance away from the room. It was part of his upbringing to never enter another's den unless extremely necessary; the Etient valued personal space, and Shandom himself would have found it rude. Truly, it is very nice. It appears very comfortable. But, do you know what else the wolves would keep in here? Perhaps is it extra garments? I see many of our packmates wearing strange human fabrics. I feel I would look utterly ridiculous in such an outfit. He gave her a toothy grin and chuckled to himself at the thought.

I could never go into them. Nothing there feels real - like it's all an illusion, a strange nightmare or something. Shandom shuddered slightly at the thought, his scarred face twisted into an uncomfortable grimace. Plus, it's not the work of our race. Our race is meant to live among the trees, to understand the values of the earth. The structures, to me, are a violation of what is real and natural. The male felt strange and awkward admitting this, as if he were committing a treason. I do not, of course, mean any disrespect to our pack. I really don't. I just wouldn't have come up with the idea myself.

It made him slightly self conscious that Terra could not picture him as a Luperci, and should he have had the ability his cheeks would have been flushed with crimson. Nevertheless, chocolate orbs were redirected to the floor, and Shandom scuffed his paw a bit. I assure you, I am a Luperci, the male said. I can appreciate the benefits of having the virus, and I try to use them when it's convenient... But adapting to this lifestyle, especially at my age, is something that is just unfathomable for me. I may have acquired it in my relative youth - I was only three at the time - but I did not have much purpose for shifting until I arrived here.

He peered around a moment more before deciding he would have almost no use for one of these rooms. Although it was a decision that ostracized him from the rest of the pack - not that many knew he existed - he was more content that way. Who knew that adapting to the life of a pack wolf would really be so difficult? Who knew that he, a wolf who had been raised entrenched in hierarchy (albeit at the top), couldn't adjust? It was a strange thought to have. The life of a loner had certainly changed the male; there was so much about him that was different from the Shandom Qi'Vaex who lived in Etienne. With a bit of sadness, he wondered if anyone there would even like this new version of him. Puppy and elder killing aside, of course.

It does seem like a good place to store... clothes... and stuff... I guess. If there were a way to keep things cool, I could see myself storing meat in here; it would be safer from other predators. With winter coming, it would be nice to have a surplus of sorts. Shandom trailed off, lost in thought and potential ideas. He knew, however, that it was probably utterly impossible. But, Miss Terra, I have to disagree with you and your badger den argument. To me, it seems... These humans, they were so different from us. My ancestors never had much interaction with them, and so the stories I have heard are sparse and probably incorrect, but I feel as if they were... Impure. As if they abandoned the instincts the Creator bestowed upon them. I would not want to become such a creature. His speech was oddly impassioned as Shandom formulated the ideas that had been gathering in his head since he became a Luperci.

Truthfully, it was his greatest fear. To lose himself, to lose the essence that made him Shandom: that was horrifying.

Brows furrowed, Shandom gave the female a slightly strange look. Yes, it's a sickness... he said slowly. Was that not common knowledge? Had he been mistaking in assuming that the wolves around here knew of their origins as four legged beasts? Perhaps that would be the explanation for why everyone appeared to like their Optime form so much. So many wolves had been born Luperci, perhaps so many generations, that they did not realize it was not what their ancestors had been. Shandom couldn't be sure how long the virus had existed, but he assumed it wasn't too long. Otherwise, it would have had greater prominence in his little, isolated pocket of Alaska. Someone would have had it. Someone would have told him, instead of just being thrown to the wind with Tourniquet and Adonis. Shaking his head, Shandom responded to her statement of food. I tend to just eat as it comes and not do much storing. Sure, if I somehow slay more than enough, I'll keep it safe in somewhere cool, but otherwise... Here, the male shrugged the best he could - it was a slightly awkward movement. Otherwise, I simply grow thinner in the winter. It does not phase me.

He gave her a gentle smile, as if to reassure her he wasn't completely out of his mind. The nuzzle was strange - he was still unaccustomed to such contact - but Shandom welcomed it without much reaction; in fact, he nuzzled her gently back. Terra was a sweet little girl, and he envied her carefree innocence even more. I suppose you are right. I couldn't really be much more than who I am; regardless, it still feels strange. My entire upbringing I was someone else - someone who existed solely on four legs, and did not know a life otherwise. It was a simple and wonderful life, and I miss it sometimes. Times were certainly easier then... I suppose my age is showing, isn't it? The last sentence was more upbeat; friendlier. Shandom did not exactly adore the notion that he was becoming the resident glum-chum.

I'm in Massachusetts, so it was like...midnightish? I'm also a hardcore morning person, so anything after ten seems unholy to me xD Also, sorry it's so short! Kinda in a rush WC : 271

Shandom laughed loudly and truly. It was a deep, booming noise, rich in baritone notes and wolfish amusement. A wide, true smile broke across his scarred face, and his dark chocolate eyes twinkled merrily. It was a handsome transformation, a brief reminder of who he could be, who he ought to be - the wolf he was when he was not busy wallowing in self pity and nervousness. You caught me, little one he chuckled, his grin still broad and sunny as he looked at her. I'm twelve. But I just happen to look remarkably good for my age. Her laughter was infectious; Shandom felt lighter than he had in a long time, and his alabaster tail wagged cheerfully back and forth.

The topic of who he was sobered him a bit, but not enough to really cause him much duress. It's not that I wasn't myself then - I was. I went through a lot of identity changes in my youth thanks to my sister, but I was fairly comfortable with my sense of self. Here, things are so different. Plus nobody knows of me, or her, and, to be honest, that's incredibly strange. He gave her another roguish grin before turning to wander down the hall rather mindlessly, hoping she would follow. An idea popped into his head as he walked along in a few moments of silence. Miss Terra, would you feel comfortable introducing me to someone who could find me a room, at some point? I'd like to be closer to the pack, now that I think about it. I'm sick of being such an alien here.

He thought about her question for a moment, though he supposed it was rhetorical. Did he? Or was it just a passing whim, something he would come to regret later? Shandom supposed nobody was at his throat, demanding he live in a room, but regardless. The idea felt strange and almost uncomfortable, but he had to adjust. The way he was living was bordering on the point of ridiculousness. Packmates were supposed to be near each other, not only for the companionship, but also to protect the pack in the case of an attack. While he was completely blind on one side, his training would no doubt be of some use should the worst happen. But he would only be able to help if he were actually there. Yes, I suppose I do want a room, Shandom murmured. It would be best for everyone, myself included.

He found the idea of 'just grabbing one' to be a little odd, though he supposed he should take Terra's word for it. The building was so expansive - Shandom imagined there was plenty of space. I guess that would be a good idea, though I'd want to have a meeting with someone higher in power to make sure the room I take is all right. And then I really ought to start pulling my own weight around here... I just find it strange to spend so much time in Optime form, and I feel like that would be necessary for me to make an impact. Shandom shook his head, clearly somewhat befuddled about what he had to do. Ah, age! he proclaimed after a moment. Makes it harder to adjust to absolutely everything. Including seasons - I can feel the cold in my joints already. He winked at her, referring to her early comments about his age. Though he appeared to be facetious, he wasn't - Shandom was alarmingly stiff, and he was concerned.

Come, let us explore this place, Shandom declared before walking forward. His held his head high and proud, though he tried not to appear arrogant. Regardless, he could not help the excitement that began to seep in his veins.

Shandom nodded, committing the name to memory. Strel he repeated internally. He hadn't yet learned the names of the leadership, which was slightly embarrassing, not to mention rude. Sometime soon, he would need an audience with this Strel and the Alpha... Shandom wracked his memory for a moment, recalling a brief meeting he'd had with a woman in the forest one of the firsts nights he'd been there. Ayita, her name was, and she said her mate was the Alpha... The male's brow furrowed slightly as he focused to try and remember the name she'd mentioned. It was something that struck him as a little strange, though he hadn't said so at the time. Vi... Vi... Vi something. It would come to him.

As they walked through the halls, Shandom remained mostly silent. He paused at several rooms, most of them vacant - though he did see one that had an object (later, he would it was a chair) that looked to be extremely comfortable. Part of him wanted to me near the center, where most of the rooms were (and therefore most of the pack), but Shandom could not see himself becoming so comfortable with the masses so quickly. Being in the same building was, probably, enough. Even in Etienne, he'd been relatively isolated from the rest of the pack. While Lea and he were in the den area, of course, their little alcove had been slightly more secluded. Shandom had always appreciated his privacy, and supposed he would enjoy the same thing here. As he decided, the male spoke to Terra, though his voice was slightly distant. Yes, those all would be easily doable in this form... But I am not the best hunter - my blindness hinders me in that particular field - and children... Here, he struggled to find the right word without completely alienating the female. Not finding it, Shandom simply sighed and shook his head. I am not suited to educate youth. I have seen many things, and know many good stories, but it would be unsafe for me to spend excessive time around them. No, I will have to find something else. I would be an excellent educator for the adults of our pack - I am familiar with the history of our race, and in my training to be the Alpha when I was a child, I was trained in military pursuits as well. But, Shandom paused, attempting to formulate his thoughts again. But I shall simply have to find something, I guess. He gave her an easy smile that did not betray the gravity of what he had admitted to her, though he was not sure if she would notice it.

Moments later, he stopped at a medium sized room that was facing the sun. Wintery light streamed in, highlighting the dusty wooden floor. There were scattered bits of what was once furniture strewn about, as well as some decomposing blankets - Shandom supposed he could use these as insulation during the winter. Closet doors were thrown haphazardly open to reveal the emptiness within - they would be ideal for storing anything if he ever chose to do so. Smile wide, Shandom sauntered in and sniffed the air. It smelled friendly, like something he could get used to. Turning to Terra, the male said I think this is the one. What do you think? It was further away from most of the rooms, and the alabaster male was certain he would not be constantly disturbed by wolves going to and fro. The level of isolation he sought was there, as well as the connectivity. And, for some strange reason, he hoped for Terra's approval.

He could see her reaction to his brief mention of his past. Her hackles lifted, probably instinctually, and he could sense the discomfort. Shamed, Shandom aveted his eyes to the ground. IT was a dark little mention he probably shouldn't have made - he was scary enough with the scar, and now probably thought he was a psychotic, unbalanced, evil pup killer.

Actually, he thought to himself, that's just about right.

Shaking his head, the male diverted his attention away from the absolutely useless thoughts of his past. There was nothing he could do to bring Xyvi and Kora back, though he'd give the world for that chance. Shandom let an easy,r elaxed grin grace his face again, and he wagged his tail eagerly at her approval. You think? It's why I like it - it's very serene, and isolated enough so I don't have to constantly be dealing with riff raff like you. He nudged her playfully before sauntering in and beginning to arrange the blankets into a comfortable looking nest. I think these will do nicely, don't you? The male moved them into the patch of sunlight near the window and curled up within them, letting the warm rays hit his alabaster coat. Eyes drifted shut as the male relaxed, languidly stretching and adjusting himself to this new, indoor concept.

Adults all tend to be like that, Shandom commented, eyes still closed. From this angle, it could be seen that the long, jagged scar stretched over his eyelid as well; it was a horrible injury. But it almost suited his face, giving it a rugged, been-there-done-that kind of look. Still, he was not proud of it - if the technology were known to him, Shandom would have had the scar removed. I've never come across a fully grown wolf who doesn't think they know everything. Deep down, we all think our own experiences are the truest ones, the ones that hold the most evidence of what our world really is. I'm the same way, but I'd like to think that learning a little bit of history would give other wolves perspective as well.

He wondered if there was a rank for that. Now that Shandom knew the name of the Beta -Strel - maybe he would actually get something accomplished.