The days that wore were still shrouded in abundant cold but beneath the thick winter hide, the days couldn’t have been warmer. With her mater out of commission to attain his much needed rest, the role of den supplier had fallen onto her without a complaint in retort. With the coming of two more mouths, the trips to the Mountains became more frequent and with this constant back and forth across treacherous snow capped terrain, she began to grow stronger.

The laziness of the prior month has been worked out of her with each step along the mountain path, each kill she claimed, and every venture that lead beyond their borders. She hadn’t felt the strain of her limbs in some time and in fact welcomed the soreness that often left her stiff and aching. The pain would always call for a break, but once it ebbed away, she was upon her feet again resuming the roles her beloved had taken in her stead.

The loss of life… or rather the absence of it within her womb had taken a toll upon the pair psychologically, but within that bout of sadness there was hope for another chance later in the season. Their first attempt was a failure, but it would not be the last and reminding herself of this gave her a bright spot within an otherwise dismal world to hone in and aspire towards. The life she now lead within Ichika did not allow for her to wallow in self-loathing, not when there were mouths to feed and lives that depended on her efforts now. For those she held dear, she had to carry on. For the pups too weak to care for themselves, and for the parents under their care, she had to set aside her grief and find some iota of happiness to keep her going.

X’yrin had thrown herself into work once it was settled that Saluce would take his rest. Her time was hardly spent at the den as of late save for the morning when it was time to deliver her catch or the evening when it was time to rest. And even then her occupation was scarce at best, but noticeable to assure their worried minds that she had not run off and left them again. That selfish route had been closed off to her for some time now…

And it was on one of her deliveries that she found the petite piebald woman resting outside the den, looking for something (if anything at all) to bide her time. Shrugging the remains of a fawn higher upon her shoulders, she addressed the lady with a polite tip of her head, keeping mind not to bow too far less she wanted their meal to slip from her shoulders. “Lady Nayru,” she offered quietly in greeting. Her eyes still lacked their golden splendor, but it could be said there was some life within them however faint it had grown in the past days. None the less she made what she could of a smile for her Ryu. “Are you alright?”

Simply coming to rest as she labored for her brethren had yet to cross her mind, and as she looked to the Ryu’s offer that she oblige, none but surprise had shown upon the woman’s face. She had little time to be idle, not with mouths to feed and pups to nurture. If only time were an endless thing with no account for the hours of reserved light in the day, she would have gladly taken a seat beside her superior and give her legs a much needed break.

But it was not without reluctance that she complied to the gentle woman’s offer. Shrugging the meat carefully off her shoulders she let its rear end drop at her feet while she lumbered over to Nayru’s side and seated herself. She kept the torso of the carcass braced against her chest to keep its vital innards from the cold until she was able to carve it for their meal. Yet another thing she would have to do. Bitterly, the she-wolf recalled that the last time she had taken a succulent liver for herself was during the Hibernal celebration, and now like a lowered rank cur, there was only tendons and muscle awaiting her at home after her tireless efforts. Truly it was not the fault of the Ryu or her brood, but a part of this familiar life the warrior had volunteered for. Had she been swollen with pups there would be no need for these thoughts… Yet she could not neglect that had that been the case, her mate would have slunk on until death took him- that stubborn, determined fool.

Nayru’s exclamation of her wellness fell on muted ears but received a flicker of her long receptors in acknowledgement. Her gaze became fixed on the snow attempting with that strength she could muster to keep her sullen eyes open and mind in her present. They did however enlarge when the lady inquired about her own state. The Nomad shrugged absently, resorting to gesture than words before her mind thought better of it.

“I am weary…” she relieved an exhausted sigh. “But that cannot be helped. Our force has suffered with the incapacitation of a few of our brethren; Saluce with his illness included. I cannot let this continue if there is a way to lessen the load from others.” Absently her gaze drifted from the gently churned snow to the earthen brown pelt of her catch. “There is no reason for me to be still any longer. So I must do what I can…”

Bitterness was not an emotion often felt by this docile woman, but it was slowly becoming part of her ever expanding compendium of sensations. Where love had been absent, lost through generations of marking the emotion as needless and destructive, she had learned to embrace it whole heartedly with the often conflicting yet rewarding implications that came with it. One would assume that the same would need be said for the bubbling disease that works its way into the dulled gold of the Nomad’s eyes brought on by the Jiryu’s innocent words of concern. If the woman needn’t take this weight upon her shoulders then who would? She had wasted her time lolling about in ignorant worth believing herself to be something special, a part of the circle of precious life when it had all been a sham and essential time was left wasted.

She was more bitter at herself than Nayru’s concern. How she had allowed herself to lose perspective was shameful. Had her Shepard been here to witness her now, he no doubt would have turned his head in disapproval for how she conducted herself when she was thought to be pregnant. Lazy… dependent on the strength of her mate rather than what she could managed for herself. And look where her selfishness had gotten him... Her meager efforts now were nothing in comparison to the work her beloved had toiled through.

Yet she was bound to sit on the ground rather than pursue to accomplish even an iota of his struggle for herself. Despite her own wants, she could not go against the kind offer of reprieve that her body so desperately needed. True, there was hardly anything else for her to do today then clean out the dens, but her mind would damn her if she remained still for too long. She was compelled to keep going, to stay within the shadow of the inner workings of the pack to ensure its function. She did not want to sit in the dens and be still, she wanted the fulfillment of being busy. More than her conscious mind would care to admit, she wanted the distraction from the life that transpired within her home. She wanted to be distant from him… she was reluctant to face it.

For within that home were the wants she had hoped for played out unknowingly by the very girl that sat beside her. Thoughts of merriment for living bundles of her own had been replaced with an unbecoming resentment of the likes she never thought was capable. Time and again with ever errand, ever chore that involved their interaction, she wanted to be set further and further away, alone so that she would not have to face what she was denied. The disappointment of her failure had never truly left, but was made to fester in the dark recess of her mind, carefully veiled through tireless work though the curtains that garbed her private reservation were slowly splitting at the seams.

She did not want to remained sitting even against the protests of her aching muscles. She wanted to be off again… doing something, less her unrefined emotional control gave way again and she displayed something most unbecoming of her character. But for the sake of humoring her lead and friend, she kept still, clinging to the still warm meat. “There is nothing other taxing me than work,” her voice flowed faintly from between trembling lips. “Whatever life Saluce and I believed I carried does not exist. Nor did it ever, it seems.”