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The images played in his head over and over again, pools of blood and body pieces strewn about, Lucifer and Kansas dead on the floor. He could have ripped them to shreds. He wanted to, but what good would it have done? Wasn't the real cause of his pain Naniko? Wasn't it she who had sworn to love him always? She who had thrown that away because of a few drinks? How could she? Had he not given her everything that he possibly could? He still didn't know the answers, still didn't understand why, and it was slowly eating away at his head and his heart. He could barely look at any of them, think of any of them without the thought of what had happened plaguing him.
His anger was misplaced, he realized, as he pulled himself up off the stairs, where he had collapsed just after taking a part of his rage out on Lucifer. Hitting him hadn't made any of it better because it was Naniko that had betrayed his heart. "Naniko?" He shouted suddenly, his voice rough and angry, scrambling up the stairs in a fit of rage. He would find her and show her how much she had hurt him.
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Don't make me change my mind.
She was so happy that Conri had built the little set of stairs up to their bed. It made everything so...easier. She really liked them. And it filled her with pride to know that her mate had actually made them with his own two hands, with things that he'd gotten from their packlands. She lay curled in a neat little ball in the middle of the covers, her head resting on the end of her tail. It was actually kind of nice to be in her normal, natural form for a while...she hadn't curled up like this for a while. She'd heard a few things downstairs, doors slamming and things moving, but that was a common occurrance in their household, with so many members and patients coming in and out. She slept relatively peacefully, brilliant white fur only being mussed by the occasional sigh and billow of air from her nose.
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No answer came and, by the time Conri hit the top of the stairs, he was steaming angry. The only thing in his head at that point was wanting to make Naniko hurt. Make her feel the same pain that she had made him feel. He knew exactly where to go, turning slightly away from the stairs and to the door of their bedroom. Conri didn't even hesitate, practically throwing the door open with a growl, barging in. Jade eyes found her immediately, resting on the bed, and he made his move. He was on top of her in an instant, one leg on either side of her, and he grabbed at the nape of her neck. "You fucking whore!" He was practically screaming.
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She didn't understand what was going on. She'd been dreaming, some sort of weird, floaty dream...and then she was slammed back down to Earth. Someone was on top of her, and there was some screaming, words that she couldn't quite decipher in her drowsy state. She felt the ruff of her neck being grabbed and her eyes flickered open. She'd thought that maybe someone was just getting up on the bed, or that there was a fight going on around her...but no. This was about her. "What...What, Conri?"
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Her words didn't even matter to him, they didn't register in his head, as if she hadn't spoken at all. Instead, all Conri could think about was what she had done with Kansas and Lucifer. All he could see in his head was them touching her, sharing something with her that only he was supposed to have shared. "I gave you everything!" He continued to scream at her, pressing down with his arm to pin her head against the bed, leaning over her. "I lost an arm for you. Just to get back to you! And now I'm not good enough?" His words, while sounding partially pained, were full of anger as he screamed them at her. He was to far lost and after a moment he removed his hand from the back of her neck, only to bring it down in a tight fist toward the back of her head.
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[html] ooc: Hell if I know why I'm up this late. I went to sleep for an hour or so x_x
Don't make me change my mind.
Maybe he had been lying before...or making it seem like he had forgiven her. She could understand why he was so mad...she'd done such bad things. She should have known that she would have been punished for such a thing...she had been surprised that he hadn't kicked her out of the pack, Lucifer and Kansas, too. If she stayed in this position, though, maybe it wouldn't be as bad. Maybe he'd let her stay like this. She wanted to protect them, the little ones. Going through the birthing process again, just to have more underdeveloped pups...that she wouldn't be able to handle. She didn't know if he could hear her, or if he was even listening, but she lay as still as she could, brow furrowed, tail pulled tightly between her legs. This was her fault. She had let them do whatever they wanted to her. Blows connected but she tried to ignore them, closing her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Conri"
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Each landed, blow after blow to some portion of her head or the top of her back. Somewhere in the back of his mind, perhaps, Conri was thinking of the pups, avoiding doing harm to any other portion of her body. This time when she spoke Conri's ears shifted, absorbing her words a moment, and everything suddenly stopped. He was quiet then, bringing his hand down near her head, pressing it against the bed to hold his weight as he leaned down, his muzzle beside her ear. His words were suddenly quiet and spoken steadily despite the obvious anger that dripped from his muzzle. "You're not sorry." He shifted then, sliding his knees back far enough so they were at the sides of her legs. "You wouldn't have ever done it if you really cared.." At the time, in his mess of a brain, it made sense.
"But since you seem to like it so much.." His armed moved quickly, grabbing the base of her tail to give it a quick jerk, removing it from beneath her. His hips shifted forward, pressing himself harshly against her to keep her tail out of the way, but he didn't proceed from there, simply pressing himself there. He leaned over once again, back up to her ear, and returned his arm to the bed. "Don't you want me Nani? Just like you wanted them?"
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It was around this time, nearly a month into the pregnancy, that she had lost the pups the last time. Naniko wanted so badly for these ones to be okay that she didn't care what happened to her. Just as long as they lived, and grew up. So she would have to try and live through whatever happened, too. "I didn't love you enough. They're my best friends, Conri, and I love them too" Not in the physical way...that had been a mistake. But she had always been close to them. She'd slipped up once, but she had already apologized for it so many times. Her eyes had opened when she'd spoken but now they closed once more. He wouldn't...he wasn't that kind of a guy. He was hers, and he never wanted to hurt her. But now she had hurt him... "I don't want you like this, Conri. You can't.."
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Conri had considered Lucifer his best friend, someone close and trusted, but it didn't mean that he would go off and get drunk and sleep with him. No, because whenever he felt he needed someone, physically or emotionally, it was always Naniko on his mine. Always. "You know that's not true Naniko.." His voice rumbled in a quiet growl as he spoke, lips pulled back over pristine white teeth. "We both know what you want.." But his words only made him more frustrated, made him think more about everything that had been stripped away from him, and the rage came bubbling up once more. "Say it!" He screamed again, teeth bared and so close to the side of her head.
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Don't make me change my mind.
She had only just become friends with Savina, but she was close to her already. Naniko still considered Lucifer and Kansas her friends anyway, even if they didn't think of her as one any more. She wouldn't expect them to; she had been just as willing as they had, knowing what could have happened. If she hadn't fallen down the stairs and lost the last litter of pups...who knew what would have happened. There was no such thing as a werewolf paternity test, so she wouldn't have known if the litter was Kansas', Lucifer's, or Conri's. "I don't! You can't make me say it!"
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It was just like he had thought. Just like he had been telling himself. She didn't want him, not like she did them, and he was suddenly not good enough for her. Her refusal to comply, to say that she wanted him, only confirmed things in his head. The rumbling growl only got louder and in an instant he again had her by the nape of the neck, though this time it was with his teeth, biting down and pulling back to keep her from moving. The moment was nothing like the intimate times that they had shared before, nothing that anyone would have expected from the young male who had worked so hard not to be like his father. In one quick movement, one furious thrust, Conri became the very thing that he hated.
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Don't make me change my mind.
"Get off of me, Conri..please..." It came weakly, quietly. She couldn't move, couldn't fight him even if she wanted to. She didn't know what to think or what to do...if she should try and struggle and just deal with the pain of his teeth in her neck, or if she should just try and lay still and take it. She gave a light whine when he started, trying to pull away despite the sharp teeth.
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Her words were lost to him, drown out from his own ears by the rough growls that left him as he pushed in to her, slightly muffled by the ruff of skin and fur clamped tightly in her mouth. She was trying to get away from him, slide from beneath him, and each time that she did Conri jerked back with his head and dropped his weight in an attempt to rest so much down on her that she wouldn't be able to more or, at the very least, she would be to afraid to do so. He was only harder, harsher, and kept up with his motions in such an erratic pace that his arms and legs were certain to give out before it was all over with.
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She didn't want to give up, to stop fighting, but she couldn't get away from it. It was everywhere, everytime she tried to move he was there, blocking her. Naniko knew that voicing it wasn't going to help her any more. Nothing could help her. She wondered vaguely where the others were, if someone would come in, but knew that it was a very scant possibility. The girl could do nothing but lay there and let it happen, to try and imagine that this wasn't her and that it wasn't Conri...it was someone else. She was somewhere else.
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For a moment, a very brief moment, Conri was content. He knew that she now understood how badly she had hurt him. That she might regret it now. All movement stopped, she was alive and awake, he knew it, but she had given up her will to fight him off. After only a short while longer he leaned farther over her, jaws releasing the ounce of skin that he held in his teeth. The growl that rested in his throat faded off to something of a whine, releasing himself in to her, but in that moment something else clicked. The urge to cause her pain had subsided, leaving Conri in a confused and hazy state. "Naniko?" His voice was calm, confused and quiet, and he removed himself, settling back to the bed on his knees. There was blood on her, spread across her fur, and it was evident what had just happened.
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Naniko was in a different world, one where none of this was happening to her. She was such a horrible mate...doing that to Conri, and even though she wanted it all to stop a part of her felt that she needed to be punished. Was this enough? She didn't know. She wasn't sure how long it would continue so she tried to block it out, letting her surroundings melt away before tightly closed eyes. This wasn't them. They were off running around somewhere, laughing and hugging...not here, not in this bed doing this. She could hear his voice, but it sounded so far away, so distant. Everything was numb. She didn't try to open her eyes or move at all though she had heard her name, slipping easily back into her dream world.
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"Nani?" He voiced the name again, tangled in a whine that caught just in his throat. He reached for her when she didn't respond but just as he was about to touch her he jerked his hand away. What have I done? He didn't deserve to touch her. He couldn't. What if he hurt her again. I'm so sorry. The sobs began quietly as Conri removed himself from the bed, stumbling back across the floor and toward the door of their bedroom. He didn't know what to do, he only knew that he couldn't stay. He couldn't risk hurting her again.
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