[M] I hear the sirens call
#1
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WARNING: This thread contains material exceeding the general board rating of PG-13. It may contain very strong language, drug usage, graphic violence, or graphic sexual content. Reader discretion is advised.
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<style>@import url(http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family= ... English+SC);</style>ALAKI
UNTIL THE DAY I DIE
Should I bite my tongue until blood soaks my shirt?

Never fall apart, so tell me why this hurts so much

My hands are at your throat and I think I hate you
Word Count :: 1272Wooo, long starter as i warned you it was gonna be <3

It was happening all over again, a endless cycle which stubbornly refused to release him from within his grips. This didn't occur every night, nor each moment he closed his eyes. No, it struck him when he was feeling weak, feeling vulnerable and scared, when he was least capable of dealing that which was thrust upon him, the vivid images playing again and again within the confines of his mind on a endless repeat. Just like always it started with white; white walls that stretched on out in every direction with no noticeable end, surrounding him stood white figures, their faces and defining features drained of definition and colour, phantoms of his past, present and future in a ways the stormy male had deducted during one of his last visits to this particular dream. Grasping control of his mind he tried to re-direct what he was seeing whilst things were still pleasant and bearable, for it was his dream and one would think that a male such as he could master the visions of his mind. Desperately he tried knowing his efforts would be fruitless, the dream more stronger, more demanding to be seen then his want to avoid the reality it would lay out before him.

Thrust outside of the body he watched from a birds eye view of the white scene, his grey streaked body lay in the centre of the purity, a taint upon it; his form younger then it was now, not as scared and as damaged. Innocent to some degrees still if he could ever have been described in such a manner having come from blood and lived through it. His younger self desperately flailed upon the snow like surface, blindly reaching for anything, for something, his own claws ripping into his body and tearing soundly through his own flesh, splattering flecks of blood around him. He was tainted and he tainted all those around him with his misfortune, he caused himself harm and left blood upon those he cared about; the image before him gave that of a clear message, despair beginning to seep it's way into the broken heart of the young samurai.

Such truth he had know for so long, for why else would his family be slaughtered by white, those of white he loved abandoned him so or betrayed him. It was simply foolish to believe he had ever thought himself worthy of their love, ever believed that maybe he'd find a place of his own in the world where he was happy, where he felt loved. But was such a thing possible when he destroyed all he touched? All he cared about?

Small tremors of horror began to cover his form, arms wrapping around himself for they were the only comfort he ever had. Helplessly he watched his younger dream-self bleed out from more and more self inflicted injuries, his bones began to snap, limbs twisted to unnatural angles as he fell still on the ground and silence filled the white space. Then he screamed, the sound full of the suppressed agony, loss and hurt that had been building up within him for so long, it's outlet limited to training and small acts of insanity and violence, but they were never enough to rid him of it, never enough to cure him of the darkness that lingered within.

To some level he was aware that he had began tossing within his sleep, mumbling incoherent Japanese, French and English words, mixing in a form of nonsense, knowledge was with the Angelo and he full understood what horror betide him in the rest of the dream.

Moving as if the broken dream-child body of his was their vocal point, the white faceless ones began to draw in closer to the body and it's surrounding pool of blood. As the approached the blood moved, irrationally sliding over the white surface as if being directed by a magnetic, unable to resist the pull of it and being freely shaped to it's will. Words began to sprout around the shattered body, words that always whispered within the confines of his mind whenever he was happy for a moment 'you did this, you tainted them, you pushed them away' the blood changing and forming words faster and faster, accusations and truths he couldn't deny for they were just that. Truths, all things that he had done and would likely continue to do.

Drawing out their procession, the faceless beings reached the body, one bending down and kneeling into the blood and reaching out to the broken form, grasping it by the throat it raised him from the ground and held his young self face to face; the white face began to morph into those he has hurt, those who had betrayed him. Faces he so wished that he didn't have to look at and remember each time he closed his eyes. With each new face they opened their maws, the pure white beings revealing a mouthful of rotting and decaying teeth, sections of their tongues missing.. the taint he had done to them all and each time they mouthed the word 'you'. Blaming him, naming him the criminal for sins he wasn't sure of, only knowing that he had done them.

Flickering through the faces he began to call out from his sleep, the single word “No” whispered under his breath over and over again, trying to fight the dream in any way he could. Watching helplessly the final face appeared, the one that hurt him the most to be reminded off and the one he so desperately wished that he had never encountered. “Matteo” the name pierced his heart to speak allowed, pain and unbearably emotions blocking out any rational sense, “What did I do wrong, why? Why?” he asked, although he had long since known the answer to his own questions. Because he was not worthy of another’s love... because he was broken and could only taint others.

Drawing in a deep breath he work with a start, sitting bolt upright and throwing the blankets away from himself, too hot and too breathless to bare them on him. For a moment all he did was sit there, wide eyed and shaking like a terrified pup as he slowly evened out his breathing as best he could, blue eyes flicking around the room and filling with relief as he realised that Alex had yet to return; he didn't want the Zephon to see this.... to see his weak, broken self. So hard he had tried to project the image that he was fine to others, that he was a strong, stable leader.

But that was just lies. He was never strong, he opened himself up to others and allowed them to break him, to take away his heart and destroy it. No smart wolf would ever have allowed for such a thing to have happened. Drawing his legs up to his chest he wrapped his arms around them tightly, burring his face into his legs he just allowed himself to sit there for a moment as he fought to regain a sense of calm. To find his fake self that he showed to the world around him; for if others knew that he was still haunted by the past they would see him as nothing more then weak and unworthy.

And if they looked down upon him.. then he'd kill them, for no one could look down upon him, he would not allow for anyone to see him as weak and helpless. Spread the taint and continue living within the endless cycle he had chosen for himself.

Image courtesy of the-night-bird

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#2
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Word Count :: 624 Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet.

Alex had been heading back to the room. He'd found some more alcohol to replenish his storage, pausing at the door. Alaki had drank his stockpile last time. Alex was going to make sure the samurai didn't find it for sure this time. Standing outside the door he clutched the bottles, ears straining to make out the noise. Slow breathing reached him. Alaki was there alright, but it sounded like he was asleep. Relieved he pushed the door open, and quickly moved through, steps as quiet as he could get them. Only the soft clink of the bottles gave his presence away.

Perhaps he could hide them in Miwa's room this time. Surely the girl wouldn't mind. Alex could come up with a bribe of some sort to keep her from touching it. He looked around, wondering how much trouble he could get in for that. His heart picked up a little at the thought, excited and nervous at how it might end up going. Maybe just hiding it in with the weapons would be a better idea. He moved over to the door that closed off the room. Silently he pushed on it, letting it swing open. He tiptoed inside, and crouched down by the weapons tables.

The word "no" halted Alex. Crap. He'd been caught! As quick as he could he spun around, innocent grin in place. He could cover this up no problem. His mind whirled for an excuse when the word came again. There was no need to repeat it. A little confused Alex moved, trying to get a better view of what was going on. His eyes widened at the sight before him. Alex knew that Alaki didn't always have the best sleep, usually sealing it away before Alex had a chance to ask about it. This was his first time catching Alaki in the full throes of though. He blinked, watching as the samurai began to toss, battered from whatever was attacking him in his sleep.

Alex's throat tightened. What possessed the warrior so? What held him so upset? If he would just speak to Alex, maybe he could help. He stepped forward a little, the glow of the fire silhouetting his ghostly form. He was barely visible as he moved, the contrast of the light's fire hiding him in the darker shadows. The thrashing worsened, until finally a name was spoken. Matteo. Alex's ears stood up. Someone who had hurt Alaki badly. He listened to the final question, tail hanging low. Why was something Alex couldn't answer. Was that Alaki's last mate that tormented him in this dream? Alex was fully aware he wasn't the samurai's first, that there had been others. One who had actually held the title of mate, instead of just a friend with benefits.

The nightmare finally broke, much to Alex's relief. He'd been frozen in place, unable to step forwards and interfere. He'd been helpless while Alaki suffered, despite saying that he was going to take care of Alaki. True, it had been said in jest, knowing that he wasn't actually strong enough to do any protecting of the samurai, but part of him had wanted to actually follow through. Alex stepped forwards as Alaki looked around. Somehow he missed seeing Alex there, body shaking uncontrollably.

The zephon stepped forwards. He didn't speak as he stepped over to Alaki's side. What was he supposed to say? Neither male had ever really done or said anything to make themselves be taken seriously. They were just joking around, pretending not to care. He sat down on the bed, alcohol forgotten. “Alaki.” He reached out one hand, afraid that the warrior would shatter. He looked so fragile, a surprising thing to see in the angelo.

Photo courtesy of Megan1970

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#3
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<style>@import url(http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family= ... English+SC);</style>ALAKI
UNTIL THE DAY I DIE
Should I bite my tongue until blood soaks my shirt?

Never fall apart, so tell me why this hurts so much

My hands are at your throat and I think I hate you
Word Count :: 542 Dun dun duuun

Muscles crapped from being held to tight for so long. Wincing he continually forced himself to relax as his breathing gradually began to even it's way out; it was stupid that he let the past haunt him in such a manner, that the dreams still got to him every single time. It had been so long since the events that lingered in his nightmares had actually happened that the Angelo knew he should let go, thought he had done so on many occasion until the same white horror came to him as he slept. Tensing his jaw he held his eyes closed tightly, pushing away the remnants of the white scenes that still lingered within his mind. Concentrating on breathing he could feel himself returning back to normal or what he thought of as normal, only for his name being called to wreck his nerves once more, heart jumping to his throat and everything within him froze.

Unwillingly he pulled his head up free of his legs, peering out from under dark bangs he could now see the ghostly form of Alex reaching out towards him. “How long” the words were barely audible, whispered with such fury he wasn't even sure of the pale male had even heard him speak them. “How long have you been here?” he repeated the sentence, clipping the end sharply as blue eyes bore into the Zephon's form, all his pent up anger being aimed at the male who shouldn't of been there, no one should have witnessed his nightmares, his weakness; no one, not even Alex. “Does it pleases you to see me like this?” he asked, not expecting an answer from the male and just continuing his monologue. “Leave” the singular word was whispered, uncertain almost. “Leave my room, my pack, my lands. I don't want you here. Leave!” as he continued to speak his voice rose until he was shouting, rising from the bed he reached out towards the pale male, grabbing his throat and pushing Alex backwards until he had the ghostly male pinned against the cave wall.

Leaning in he placed his muzzle near the others ear. “You are nothing to me. You will tell no one what you saw or heard and you will leave immediately. Do you understand me, fool?” the venom to his words were clear, his grip on the others throat tightening. A smaller, more sane part of his mind was telling him he was being stupid, overreacting and that he'd regret loosing the male, but the pale one had seen what he'd been hiding for so long he knew of no other way to react then to remove the male from his life. Even as he threatened the other his frame shook, emotions running from one extreme to another and as he looked at the other his grip relaxed, the reality of what he had just done began to sink in slowly. “Alex” he called out, confused, uncertain, angry, scared all at the same time. Too many emotions, another stupid error added to his list. It was inevitable really that he would push the pale male away, harm him, hurt him rather the cherish what he had, what they had had and that he'd likely just ruined.

Image courtesy of the-night-bird

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#4
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Word Count :: 000 Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet.

He was not happy to see him. Probably thought that nobody should have seen that or some such jazz. He opened his mouth to answer the question, wondering how much he should admit to. He didn't even get the chance to answer when Alaki snapped. He shook his head, waiting for the tirade to end so he could get what he thought out. He certainly didn't enjoy seeing the Angelo like that, but it was better than not knowing that he was struggling when he was in so much pain. Of course, the idiot didn't get him a chance to say anything like that, off in his own world.


At first the word was quiet. Alex backed up a little, thinking it probably was a good idea to give him some space. He stopped at the continuation. Was he seriously going to exile him over this? Hang on, you can't just- His words were cut off as the samurai flew forwards, fist enclosing around his throat. Hitting the wall Alex let out a choked sound, pain reverberating through his head. That had hurt a lot! He struggled, pushing against the strong arm that kept him there, trying to get out.


His eyes widened as Alaki came in, thinking he was going to get his throat torn out. Instead it was worse. He stilled at the soft whispers, sounding so true coming from Alaki. After all, he'd never shown that he liked Alex, simply tolerating his presence. Never spoke to him, never spoke up about anything. Maybe he really did feel nothing for Alex. The grip finally slackened, sending Alex doubled over for breath. The single word earned a glare from the zephon. What, he thought he was going to get away with it just like that? Fine. I'm leaving.


He picked up a couple bottles, leaving the rest for when he came back. Alex certainly wasn't going to leave the pack. Not because Alaki decided to become unglued. He wasn't going to be staying in there though. Moving through Alex walked until he reached the common room. Sitting down he uncorked a bottle. Taking a drink he stared at the flames. Stupid. He always got so worked up over the smallest things. Completely childish. Drinking more he huddled down, trying to get comfortable as he got ready to sleep.

Photo courtesy of Megan1970

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#5
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<style>@import url(http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family= ... English+SC);</style>ALAKI
UNTIL THE DAY I DIE
Should I bite my tongue until blood soaks my shirt?

Never fall apart, so tell me why this hurts so much

My hands are at your throat and I think I hate you
Word Count :: 259 End with my post <3

Leaving... it was the best for the both of them. If Alex remained he'd just hurt him more, cause them both further harm for it was clear that what they both desired from each other was no longer the same. Stepping back he made no attempt to stop the pale Zephon from leaving, for there was no way to take back the words he'd said and the damage he'd done; there was no jumping back in time, only living with the consequences of his actions, something the Angelo was all to familiar with doing. Still, that didn't stop him from watching the others every moment, regret and pain piercing his heart as the other grew further and further away from him, taking booze as he went.

Opening his mouth he wanted to call out, to ask Alex to wait but all he did was stand there, mouth open and hand outstretched before him with no words to be spoken. He'd said enough already, the damage was done and he had to accept the reality he'd just got himself stuck with. Drawing his hand back he ran it shakily through knotted hair, pulling it free of the black strands he held it out before himself and watched it tremble almost uncontrollably. Alex was gone and he was now alone, again. Blue eyes drifted over to where Alex had left some booze and as his eyes fell upon the bottles he began moving forward, picking one up he began to down the remaining contents bottle by bottle until he felt nothing.

Image courtesy of the-night-bird

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