The feast last night had been remarkable, something Colibri would remember for a long time to come. She had completely filled her stomach for the first time in a very long while, having gorged herself on the superbly roasted venison prepared for them all. There had been so much good company and conversation around her that even her antisocial tendencies were suppressed, and she let down her guard enough to smile and laugh. Eclipse had done an amazing thing for them all.

Now things had quieted down and fallen back into their normal routines. Coli felt a strange withdrawal; she missed the feelings of levity and acceptance in the group. Once more she was the outcast, alienated by her own anxiety and phobias that kept her trapped in her mind. She was at the lake shore again, washing her hands for what felt like the hundredth time that day. Every time she saw the Grand Lake, sunlight glittering like beautiful jewels atop the surface of the clear water, it reminded her of where she had been assaulted. Then the revulsion welled up and consumed her, and she felt the compulsive need to wash away all traces of him, the black dog. She couldn't stand the thought of others smelling his scent in her fur, even though more than a week had passed since that day.

When she was done, Coli released the breath she was holding in a shuddering sigh. She had been messed up before this happened; now she was a wreck. If only she didn't feel so tired all the time, maybe she could shake off the fear-induced behaviors. But instead, the sheer effort of living made her so exhausted. She filled the wineskin bottle she was carrying with water, and began the walk through Jordheim to reach the communal herb garden. She had been diligently tending to it, carrying it water during these warm summer months so that the precious plants did not wilt or wither. Having duties to focus on served as a good distraction, though it only lasted until the sun went down.

Eclipse returned her greeting warmly, rising to welcome her with open arms. Coli held still as her niece hugged her, allowing the contact but immobilized by the intimacy. Physical embraces were rare for her, and she was hypersensitive to even the lightest touch, remaining rigid until she was released. She exhaled the breath she didn't realize she held, and smiled weakly at Eclipse, hoping she had not seemed overtly awkward. "I am so happy to see you again, you look wonderful! You must tell me everything about your new pack."

Her recent misfortune was alluded to, and Coli faltered, searching for an easy way to explain the event. "Yes, I... I ran into some trouble. A lone male attacked me near the lake; I still don't know why, I guess I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time." She shrugged, trying to keep her tone light. There was no point in lying outright, especially not to Eclipse who would be traveling by herself once her stay here ended. They both knew how perilous the lawless territories could be, it was something she remembered discussing when they first met. "I'm sure Saul warned you already, but be cautious, try not to hunt alone if you can help it." There was deep concern in her gaze, whether it was founded or not. Eclipse rode on horseback and carried a hunting bow; she could probably handle herself much better than defenseless Coli had in that position. But still, it frightened her to think of her precious niece in the clutches of that sadist; he had broken her will to fight so quickly, it was chilling.

She touched the shiny healing scar on her chest, then realized she should probably explain that aloud. "This scar, part of it... w-well, he left it on purpose," she murmured, expression darkening. It had been his initial, a cruel reminder for her to bear. "I changed it though, to a rune that would bring me better luck. I think I'm starting to believe in the Norse stuff, the Stormbringer faith. It's catching on here." She smiled hesitantly to herself, letting her fingers fall to her sides. She didn't know if Eclipse knew much about her Stormbringer side; Lilin hadn't until the enigmatic Miskunn joined their group, and it was all new to Colibri the outsider. Religion was a sensitive topic for her, but having something to believe in was better than the void of nothingness. She needed the structure, or her morality crumbled. The concept of any sort of deities actually existing still seemed farfetched, but... so far, the Thurisaz rune carved into her hide seemed to hold a power over her, as the catalyst it had been designed for.

Eclipse offered to help her water the garden, and Coli waved her off with a grateful smile. "I've got it under control, just need to water everything. Summer makes them wilt so quickly, even if all the sun is good for them." She upended the wineskin, sending a glittering stream of lake water splashing into the dusty soil. Admittedly she did feel out of breath, and the slightest bit dizzy... She had not been feeling well since the attack, and even though her cuts and bruises had healed, there was still something weakening her. She stumbled over a clump of dirt, but managed to right her balance, quickly speaking up to try and distract Eclipse. She didn't want her niece to worry about her health or anything else while she was a guest here.

Eclipse and Lilin were the closest relatives she had left, and they were the only two Coli was comfortable enough to let into her personal space. Even if she did not know how to return the embrace, she trusted her niece enough not to protest. As Eclipse withdrew, she held such pity and righteous anger in her blue eyes, that the hint of Conor's violet made her redirect her own gaze to the ground. Coli could only blame herself for being too weak to fight the dog. "It's the same chance we all take, stepping outside of pack borders. I just got unlucky this time. At least I lived." The offer to assassinate him fell easily from her lips, as it had from several other of her packmates last week. It stirred a deep appreciation within her, a gratefulness that made her want to cry. It had been many long seasons since anyone cared about what happened to lonely Colibri Haki.

She rubbed her eyes quickly, scrubbing away the slight mist of tears that was welling there. No need for that! Eclipse mentioned her mother's absence, and Coli frowned sympathetically, silently wishing the Stormbringer dam was alright and would someday return to her daughter. She knew how devastating it must have been to lose Conor, but he lived on through his child. "I... I'll ask for Saul's help with that. I would love to keep in touch with you, although no one taught me reading and writing." Literacy seemed like a novel skill, taught to those with the luxury of using the written word. Coli did not learn it as a pup, and saw no need for it as an adult -- this was the first time she was considering changing that.

Colibri listened intently as she finished watering the herb garden. There was so much excitement in the younger wolf's voice; it sounded as though her spirit was uplifted just by the memory of this place, her new home. She found herself smiling right along, trying to picture everything -- the newborn horse, the wolf that could sail boats, the healer that fixed her paw... "You've been through so much in such a short time. It sounds amazing! I'm so glad you found a place that makes you this happy. I feel the same way here, and I am relieved to hear you're fitting in and making friends." She paused, glancing to Eclipse's feet to make sure she was not favoring one. "You're not hurt right now, are you? After all that travel and hunting? I can offer you some herbs to chew on -- that's the point of this garden, it's all for healing."

And then, so casually, so harmlessly, the conversation turned to the one that got away. Anu... Coli was never ready to hear that name spoken by others -- even though it cropped up in her thoughts daily, it made her heart leap into her throat to hear it aloud. "Ah... hold that thought, I... need a break..." she said haltingly, reeling from an onset of dizziness. She was just a little faint, that was all. It was hot out, and she had been on her feet all day. A sudden weakness in her knees caused her legs to buckle forward abruptly, dropping her to the dirt. She had tripped, no big deal. It definitely had nothing to do with the wrenching reminder of her greatest regret, leaving behind Crimson Dreams and her one true love. She was far too codependent to ever move on from that mistake. "S-sorry. I'm alright, I'll sit down on the grass for a bit," she mumbled, pulling herself off to one side. Luckily she had not crushed her plants -- what would she have told Saul if she flattened his witch-hazel? She could get her bearings back in a few moments, then she could get back to work. She was feeling very ill all of a sudden, and needed a distraction from the emotional wreck she was on the inside. Eclipse didn't need to be burdened with that tale of woe.

Colibri made a mental note to ask Saul later if it would be too much trouble, at least for him to transcribe her words. She wasn't sure if she was capable of learning to be literate; after all, she was getting on in years and wasn't exactly open to change. She wondered idly if Haku Soul had known how to read, and if he had simply neglected to teach her, or if he had been just as ignorant as she was. "In that case, I look forward to hearing from you! You can record all of your interesting encounters and new friends, and that way I can keep up with your stories even when you're too busy to visit." It would be like they was no distance between them, just as she'd hoped. She wasn't sure what she could record in response, since her daily routine rarely changed, but... in any case, it would still be something to look forward to. She smiled in relief as Eclipse reassured her that she was, in fact, fine -- her paws did not appear to be bothering her, so whomever had bandaged her, they had done a worthy job.

As her body failed her and she was no longer able to stand, Eclipse rushed to her side. Her niece's touch was gentle, as though afraid that she was so fragile she would fall apart if handled roughly. It was not untrue, of course, and Coli quietly acquiesced as they moved to the grass together. What was she supposed to say? She didn't know the root cause to whatever was plaguing her, just that she was terribly feeble and had been collapsing frequently since the attack. She had been able to hide it at the feast, since she had not taken part in any of the playful roughhousing between Teme, Bran, and Niernan, nor had she exerted herself in any other way. But she was so tired, all of the time. "It's okay, I promise... There's water at the lake, but you don't have to run off, I'll rest here... still recovering from all that," she trailed off, gesturing vaguely at the scar on her chest. Eclipse knelt beside her, eyes brimming with concern, causing Coli to avert her gaze again. She didn't want to be such a pitiable creature, the weakest link in their family. "Please don't worry," she added softly, brushing her fingers against Eclipse's knee in an attempt to set her at ease. It was enough to know she had someone who cared about her now.