The cloak was finely crafted from leather, soft grey rabbit fur lining the hood. It had been a goodwill gift from Emmanuelle Brenna of Inferni, two matching cloaks and necklaces for the leaders of Vinátta. Colibri had met her coyote friend and given her a small tour of her home, accepting the gifts on behalf of her pack, but neglecting to actually deliver them to her Virdings once Emma left. At first it had been sheer sentimentality. Coli did not have many friends, and she liked seeing the basket nestled in the corner of her otherwise sparse house. It reminded her of someone who genuinely liked her, which were few and far between. But she had not deigned to do anything with the contents until now. The summer weather was too warm to necessitate a cloak, but it was the best she could do under the circumstances; she did not own any clothing, nor had she ever worn it before. Clumsily she pulled the cloak over her thin shoulders and fastened it beneath her throat the way she had seen Emma wear hers, letting the flowing fabric drape over her body and conceal her from prying eyes. Since Saul had told her she had to be...

...Well, since Saul had spoken to her, she felt a fierce paranoia, a desperate need to hide her shame from the pack that was protecting her. Perhaps she could have concocted a story, a lie for them to believe and gossip about, but she did not have enough deceit in her. Openly lying to those she wanted to trust went against her submissive nature. Besides, Saul and Fritz had a good idea of the nasty truth, and perhaps other astute packmates had an inkling already. It was just so humiliating. And there was fear, too, the fear that kept her from ever crossing the border, the fear that the black dog would keep his promise and come back for her... or what was inside her. Of course she loathed him, but the sense of self-loathing ran deeper. She was weak, and she was broken, and now even her most secret desire had been tarnished and brought about in the worst way possible. She whined softly, pulling the hood over her ears as she stepped from her home out onto the grass. This was the same sort of mental anguish that had driven her from Crimson Dreams, and from Dahlia de Mai before that... but she could not run away again, not this time. She would fall to pieces if she had to do this on her own. She was terrified.

The sun was setting, shadows lengthening across the clearing. Coli still had most of this area to herself, as the influx of newcomers mostly chose the houses closer to the center. But there was one new scent, that of Temeraire Stormbringer; he had recently left his father's home and chosen his own house across from Coli's. She had not spoken much to the youth since she had been in such turmoil, but she would try to reach out to him soon. Not tonight, there was only one wolf in this pack that she could bear to open up to. Hopefully by nightfall, her sister would be home and willing to talk, or at least listen. Coli clutched at the cloak, holding it tightly together as she padded through Jordheim village. It would be painfully obvious what was afflicting her if she did not conceal her figure, and it would only grow more obvious as time dragged on. She wished for some sort of maternal wisdom, a female who had been through this before and could tell her how much of it was normal. It seemed as though she was the oldest female in Vinátta, though, and it was only her first time. What she would have given to have Anu hold her hand now! Bowing her hooded head, she hurried past a cluster of houses, setting her ears flat as she heard murmured voices conversing. She did not want to be noticed.

She was out of breath by the time she reached the house Saul and Lilin shared now. Coli leaned against the door, feeling dizzy and faint. She remembered the times she had collapsed in the summer heat -- in front of Sura first, and then again in front of Eclipse -- and felt the same weakness in her knees now. Was it all because of her condition? The night terrors, too, and the nausea? The aches in her joints, the nosebleeds, all of the bizarre and seemingly unrelated symptoms of an illness...? She was completely falling apart, and she would probably starve soon if she didn't ask for help. She made Saul promise he would not tell his mate, but Lilin deserved to know what was destroying her sister, even if it ruined the image she held of Colibri. After all, Lilin didn't know the full extent of what Haku had done to his first daughter, either. Her dysfunction ran deep, too deep for anyone to fathom now. She was beyond fixing.

Coli sniffled, feeling a wave of despair bring tears stinging to her eyes. This weepiness, the roiling emotions she could not control, it was probably another accursed symptom. It had gotten more difficult to keep a blank face these last few days, an implication that it would only get worse as the summer went on. She quickly scrubbed her eyes against the fabric of her cloak, pulling the hood back to reveal her face. "Lilin...?" she whispered softly, pleadingly. Of course her tiny voice would not be audible through the closed door, but it was her way of hoping Lilin would answer the door and Saul would not. Saul already knew what was wrong with her, so she could not pretend she was normal for him anymore. Finally she raised her hand and knocked, quickly readjusting the cloak to make sure she was fully covered. It had to be on her terms, if she was going to share this news. Cringing, she waited anxiously in the deepening shadows of nightfall for the door to open.

Coli was grateful for the shadows, as they hid the glimmer of fresh tears welling in her blue eyes. She blinked rapidly, struggling to keep her emotions in check as she waited. She held her breath, willing her face to appear blank and normal. She needed to look normal. She was always scattered, but she could fake normal in front of others. Usually, at least, but it was getting harder. Maybe neither Virding was home, and she would have to try again tomorrow. That wouldn't be so bad. But she could hear the faint sound of footsteps approaching from the inside, and she straightened her posture, choking down the wave of anxiety that crashed over her as the door handle clicked. She exhaled in obvious relief as Lilin came into view, faint candlelight illuminating the glossy curls of her mane, shining in the vivid mediterranean blue hues of her gaze.

Lilin was so beautiful, always with the exotic grace she carried herself with -- and now there seemed to be a healthy glow about her, no doubt her happiness from having taken a mate. She was wearing some sort of dress tonight, one of the long and flowing fabrics she often adorned herself in; the rich color and accentuated curves formed a harsh contrast with the drab and bulky cloak Coli had hidden herself behind. She didn't know anything about clothing, but already she felt shabby in comparison, and bowed her head in a shy greeting. "Y... you look very pretty tonight... s-sorry to bother you," she mumbled, shuffling her feet anxiously. Her natural cowardice made her almost turn around right then, but she really needed to talk to someone. And Lilin was the closest family she had.

She felt the strangest urge to throw herself into her sister's arms, clinging to her the way she had when she first stumbled across their borders, dripping wet and broken. But she did not; she had her inhibitions about contact, and even when the embrace would bring her comfort, she did not know how to ask for it. Gingerly she stepped through the doorway, entering the home Lilin and Saul shared. "...Oh, that's good... I mean, I just wanted to see you, it's not... erm... congratulations, by the way," she uttered lamely, gesturing to the interior of their home. It was a momentous event for her sister, moving in with Saul and becoming his mate; Coli was happy for them, even if she had been surprised by the news. They could have confided in her... but she should have been more perceptive, should have guessed the real reason they spent so much time together. She had been so wrapped up in her own mess, she had not been a very good friend.

She fiddled with her claws, staring down at the wooden floorboards. She felt so guilty about being oblivious to their romance, and nervous of how Lilin might react to her inauspicious news. Where should she start? This was such a difficult topic, even harder to talk about than their father. She glanced helplessly to Lilin, wishing she could simply read her mind and be done with it.

Colibri had been strong for Saul, or at least she had not cried in front of him. She had been in shock, too stunned to know how to react to the news. But then she had all night to think about it, alone in her empty house. Without anyone to talk her down, she panicked herself into an anxiety attack, the hormones lending amplitude to the tumultuous mood swings. She had not calmed down much once the sun rose and another day began, and now another night was falling. She was one day closer to their arrival, and that terrified her. She had to tell her sister before she drove herself into madness. It was torturous to think that she could be carrying monsters within her, that she was now a vessel for darkness. But motherhood was something she used to wish for more than anything, and now the conflict was splintering her willpower. Could this be anything other than bad news, or was it a blessing in disguise?

Lilin was speaking to her, and she barely registered what was being said; she just kept running the same thought through her mind repeatedly, trying to come up with the courage to tell her sister outright what was going on. Distracted, she realized it was odd that she didn't think of Lilin as being so much younger than her... she always thought of Conor and Emwe as her baby brothers, because she cared for them as pups, and yet they must be seasons older than Lilin. Spirited little Willow would be grown up now, too. She couldn't picture Lilin as a pup, though, just the beautiful woman standing before her. Vaguely she heard a question being asked of her, and she blinked in confusion, having completely missed what was said. "I, I don't know," she stammered with a shrug, hoping it had not been important. Finally Lilin grabbed her fidgeting hand, cutting through her distraction. An electric thrill raced through her, adrenaline spurring her on. She caught her breath, startled by the sudden contact, but not resisting it. She had to divulge her secret now, before the tension grew any worse between them.

Words failed her, so she simply reached her free hand to the clasp of her cloak, tugging the strings free. The long cloak slipped from her shoulders, slithering into a pool of fabric around her feet. She bowed her head, looking pointedly down at her bare figure. There was a small curve to her stomach, a bump that had not been there even days earlier. She noticed from this angle her breasts seemed more prominent now, plumping with the preparation for her litter. Everything ached, and she already felt so much heavier and slower, in addition to the ever-present fatigue and dizziness. A small shiver of disgust chased down her spine, disturbed by the unwilling changes her body was undergoing. Her bobtail was tucked flat against her haunches, ears pressed back in shame. She couldn't bring herself to meet Lilin's eyes, afraid she would have to watch the predictable show of surprise, then confusion, then horror once she realized the ugly truth about their conception.

Licking her lips nervously, Coli managed to whisper the now-obvious news. "I've been feeling very ill these past weeks, since the... attack. I finally asked Saul for his medical advice... and he figured out that I, I'm... pregnant." It was still surreal to her, but it was slowly beginning to sink in that this was really happening. She was already halfway along, give or take some days. She drew a deep shuddering breath, trying to remain calm and rational. Her right hand was trembling in Lilin's grip, though, betraying her.

"Lili, I have a favor to ask you," she mumbled guiltily. She knew her sister would not appreciate the responsibility, and Coli hated to dump it on her, but she needed some peace of mind before that inexorable day arrived. She was already obsessing over every possible way things could go wrong - ways she could fail as a mother, ways her health could deteriorate, ways the pups could be corrupted by either side of their family tree. There had to be a contingency plan, it could not all depend on her. She was too fragile, too easily crushed beneath the weight of responsibility. She couldn't shake the paranoid feeling that there was going to be a disaster.

Coli felt Lilin's eyes linger on the rune carved into her chest, and her own fingers strayed to the newly-healed scar, touching it for reassurance. She didn't know if the dog's mark would have left a scar or not, but she couldn't risk carrying that signature in her skin as proof he had dominated her. Ironic, given what she was carrying now. She had a sneaking suspicion that Miskunn Stormbringer had known all along -- those silver eyes had been so piercing, so intuitive, and the words she spoke that night could have held a double meaning. Did the Godja actually use runes for fortunetelling, or did she merely command a knowledge of what they could portend? The one she had chosen for Colibri was supposed to be a catalyst, bringing change as well as conflict. It was certainly true now.

Lilin's fingers abruptly released their grip, and Coli cringed, knowing she had finally seen what she was supposed to. This wasn't how she wanted to become a mother, disgraced and clouded with fear. It was supposed to be joyful, a culmination of her greatest wish come to life. Once she had daydreamed about names, trying to picture the faces of her future sons and daughters with the features of a mate she never found. Now that she was actually with child, it was too hard to imagine any sort of future.

"W-well," Coli began shakily, trying to steady her voice. She was trying to be as calm as she could, but it was so hard to form the words when her throat was choked with emotion. "My mother died when I was born... there were complications during labor," she explained faintly, touching the foreign bulge in her stomach as though to reaffirm her incredulity. "Her pack didn't want to keep me, and that's how I came to live with... with our father. That's how he told the story, anyway. I..." She tried to swallow the lump in her throat, but it was getting harder to speak around it. She knew her nervous dithering could be annoying, but how was she supposed to ask for a favor this large? She was already in debt for being given a home here, for the protection and friendship she had been offered for nothing in return.

"...I was hoping you could promise me that, that, as their aunt, you.... you'd take care of them, in case the same thing happens... in case I die." She drew a deep shuddering breath, exhaling slowly in an effort to compose herself. But she had reached her limit. Her impassive countenance crumpled and she began to cry. Tears welled up in her blue eyes, spilling onto her cheeks before she had the chance to bury her face in her hands. She was so afraid this pregnancy was going to kill her. They had been conceived through violence, after all. She whimpered, turning away from Lilin out of shame. She wanted to be brave for her sister, but she could not keep the mood swings in check. Now that everything was exposed, she couldn't stop sobbing.

It was difficult to speak her piece, but Coli managed to get out the halting words without too much stammering. Dimly she perceived that Lilin had knelt, was gathering the cloak she had discarded on the floor, but she was too focused on her speech to react. She heard the quiet reassurances, and she would have smiled in thanks if she were not so distressed. Once more she was grateful that she had chosen to follow this long lost sister into the north, instead of remaining a drifter without family or home. She wasn't meant to live alone, and perhaps Lilin wasn't either, despite the solitary habits they both displayed. She felt safer around her sister, trusting her more than any other.

Lilin gave her word, and it lifted a weight from Coli's shoulders; she no longer had to worry what would happen to her unlucky litter if she should perish the same way her dam had. She had always wondered what Milla Jolie had been like, whether she was anything like her mother, whether life would have been better for her in that pack whose name she couldn't even recall. Her own pups would remain safely in Vinátta with their closest relative, so they would at least be spared from all that uncertainty. A part of her knew her Virdings would not cast aside orphans, it was foolish to assume they might, but... there was always the chance they would grow up to be wicked like their sire or grandsire, and she wanted them to have the best possible chance to grow up pure and kind. Now they were guaranteed it.

Coli was crying now -- no, bawling, each sob racking her body uncontrollably. She had only cried this hard once in her life, and that was when she left her one true love behind. This was different, though. There was the ever-present fear, but now there was relief as well, knowing that even if she failed this colossal undertaking, the little lives she was carrying would not be ruined. She was crying because it was all happening so fast, and she wasn't ready, but there was nothing more she could do about it. She didn't know if she could ever stop once she got started like this. Lilin's fingers began stroking her mane, a gentle touch that she leaned into. It was calming her just to know she wasn't alone.

The soft whisper found its way to her ears, and Coli's brokenhearted sobs came to a shuddering halt. Incredulously, she turned to look at her sister, lips parted in silent amazement.

"...R-really...?" she asked breathlessly, brushing the tears from her swollen eyes. Her face was a puffy mess from crying, but it was far too late to care about her appearance. "That's, that's such good news, I'm s-so happy for you and Saul!" she hiccuped, growing flustered by the sudden shift in moods she was experiencing. This was how it was supposed to be, a loving mated pair welcoming their progeny into the world together. And they were both the founding leaders of this pack -- their children would be cherished by all, little princes and princesses of the north. Coli felt a twinge of shame when she realized her bastard litter would be born before them; the Virdings had the right to the firstborn children of their pack, even if their mateship was still new.

"I... am so sorry, I didn't mean to upset y-you, or scare you about this," she sniffled, realizing her own doubts and fears must have easily projected onto Lilin. She would never have mentioned her dam's fate if she knew Lilin was expecting -- it was already all Coli could think about when she tried to imagine delivering the litter, and now her poor sister would think about it too. "B-but this is so exciting, I... I had no idea, I can't believe we're both doing this together! D... do we thank Thor or Loki?" She asked wryly, a faint smile beginning to tug at her lips. It seemed more like the work of a trickster, but if the sisters got through this unharmed and healthy, she would know who to thank. The news brought Colibri hope. Now she wasn't the only one going through these changes -- her sister was pregnant too, and now they could talk about everything. They could visit the Sacred Grove together. Their pups would be first cousins, perhaps they would even look similar to each other. Cercelee and Coli were cousins that became playmates in Clouded Tears, and as they grew up together, they felt more like sisters than anything else. Her pups would have playmates that were the same age as them, too, one big extended family. This... might work out after all.

Coli was still sniffling, trying to paw away the wetness on her cheeks and compose herself. The feeling that time was rushing past her began to ebb away, as though something was anchoring her in the present now, pulling her back from the bleak future and its unknowns. Lilin was stroking her mane, entwining her fingers through the long hair, and Coli rather liked it and wondered if she was supposed to reciprocate in some way. She had never felt closer to her sister than she did in this moment, knowing they were on the same path and neither of them had planned for it. "Of course I won't tell, don't worry," she murmured, oddly proud that she was privy to such a big secret. "I don't know if I want to tell anyone about mine, ever," she admitted flatly, wondering how her packmates would react. She didn't want to think about it, and instead let her eyes flutter shut, raising her fingers to brush lightly against Lilin's wrist. They could just stay here, hidden away in the house, free from judgment and responsibility.

Lilin slipped away from her then, voicing some of her own hidden concerns. It was her turn to be reassured. Coli paused thoughtfully, recalling something relevant for once. "You know, Conor and Emwe, our half-brothers from Dahlia de Mai... They were both honorable, and healthy, and their parents were cousins. Our father and Firefly Sadira were mates for a time... although they were both horrid to each other so it didn't last long," she added sourly, crinkling her nose. Firefly had bullied her the first day she arrived on their borders, when Coli followed her father and Cercelee's trail to the flower pack. She didn't miss her short-tempered relative one bit, and had been rather pleased when the Sadira woman was finally outcast. She never really wondered what happened to Firefly after that, assuming she just went off to spread her unpleasantness elsewhere. "If those two managed to create someone as pure of heart as Conor, I wouldn't worry about you and Saul at all. They'll be fine..."

The Virdings were young, but responsible and virtuous; Coli didn't doubt that they would be excellent parents to whomever their children became. She hoped that her information would be of some comfort; it actually made her feel a little better about her own litter's questionable genetics, hoping they too would rise above their corrupted stock. Perhaps it was just luck. Thinking so much on her father made her shiver, and she rubbed her forearms, a chill chasing down her spine. Madness did run in the Soul line, and what made Haku so terrifying was the unpredictability of it all; he was not always a madman, it was a gradual descent into his wicked acts of brutality. Lilin and Colibri were both giving him grandchildren now, and no one could tell if they too might sink to his depths someday.

She was saved from her thoughts by Lilin's abrupt declaration, as the younger female swept gracefully from the room. Coli whined, padding after her in distress. "I, I don't need to spend the n-night, it's okay! Wh-what will Saul say? I have m-my own place...!" She frowned stubbornly at the bedroom, huffing under her breath. She hated being an imposition, the burden they all had to carry, but the thought of going back to her dark, empty house alone was certainly unappealing. One night wouldn't be so bad.