Is gut!



As she heard Kansas enter the room she felt a strange mix of emotions. Relief, that was definitely there. But she was also mad at herself for messing things up again. But if anyone was going to see her as this broken mess, then she wanted it to be him. Just because she knew that he wouldn't judge her. She probably deserved to be judged, but she just couldn't handle it right now. As he took her hand she squeezed it hard, never wanting to let go. He was her lifeline. But he slipped away, bringing back a blanket to stop the bleeding. Savina nodded her head and pressed the cloth against her arm.



She could sense his hurt, she knew that all this was still bothering him. It killed her that she'd made him feel that way. The girl wished so badly that she could go back and stop the fight from ever happening. As his question hit her ears she couldn't take it anymore. She lurched forward, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her tear-stained face in his chest. "I-I'm sorry, I j-just wanted to be able to hold you again." She continued to sob between words. "I'm so s-sorry for everything! I should have come to you. I hate myself for not coming to you..." Her fingers gripped his fur tightly, afraid he might disappear.



"I should have kept my p-promise. You deserve better than that. You deserve better than me..." Everything she feared and felt fell from her lips. If she had seemed at all distant from him, it was only because of how she felt about herself. Kansas had done so much for her, and she had let him down. "I'm so so so so sorry..." Savina didn't think she'd ever be able to apologize enough.

Nevah!
wc 380



As one of his arms wrapped around her, a small wave of relief washed over her. She continued to cry, but a little more subdued than before. Savina really couldn't help it. The whole thing had just been gnawing on her constantly. Even though they had talked before, things still weren't right. She didn't blame him though. If she had been in his position she would have felt the same way. The knowledge that she had hurt his sweet heart made her sick with herself. Everyone had been telling her that she wasn't a monster, and though they were right, doing such a thing to him certainly made her feel like one. "Kansas it had nothing to do with you. I...I trust you more than anybody." To her such an admission was a big deal. With what Serge had done to their family, the girl had never expected to be able to trust a male so completely.



"It all...it just happened so fast. I found Pilot just outside the borders. He wouldn't even look at me, would barely talk." Her friend had been a ghost, just a shell. It may have looked like Pilot, but the soul inside had been shattered. "Then...when he said that Hybrid had...done things to him...I just lost it. I wasn't thinking at all. I just...took off." If she had been prepared for what she had learned, perhaps things might have gone differently. But the rage had blindsided her. Savina lifted herself up from his chest, wiping her eyes. She took Kansas' hand that had been wrapped around her, gripping it with both of her own. Drowned emerald orbs looked pleadingly into his bright blue ones.



"I know you would have helped. I know that with all my heart. But when that happened my brain shut down. Otherwise I...I would have come to you. I would." She couldn't bare the thought of him not believing her. She hoped that he could see the truth in her eyes, just as she had seen it in his that one night. The fey had made a huge mistake, she knew that. But she was going to do everything in her power to make sure it didn't happen again. She had the tools. Now she just needed his trust back.

How ridiculous it was that her eased sobbing comforted him. He didn't want her to feel embarrassed or vulnerable for crying. Though he could see how she might, he hoped not; he was almost certain it was doing her some good. As he held her, he pressed his lips against her forehead; a long, soft kissed that he hoped was somehow helpful. Honestly, he didn't know exactly what to do. He wasn't angry, just confused. Just desperate to make himself understand what was going on inside her. He'd never felt this before, this odd combination of ignorance, concern, guilt and helplessness.



So Kansas just listened to her. This girl, who he loved, spoke with pain in her voice, and guilt ten times the size of his. He felt terrible for the frustration he'd felt at first, because as she talked he could sense she was truly sorry. What shocked him was that Pilot was involved, and his eyes widened with horror; she didn't need to say exactly what had happened. Pilot had been his sitter as a child. "Oh..." Kansas held her more tightly. He wasn't even sure what he would have done under the same circumstances. "I-I didn't know. I'm—"



She he released her, found her gaze in his. Her eyes were shimmering with tears. He had to look away, hating to see her so torn apart about this. What she needed was his reassurance, not his questions. When he looked back, he caressed her cheek softly with his fingers. "It's okay. I... I know you would. I just got so... worried. She could have killed you." He wanted so badly for her to have meant what she said: that she trusted him. But at least she'd found someone, and she was alive. "I can't tell you how—happy I am that you're okay. Whatever you need to do to get through this... Just tell me what I can do, if anything." His face was serious. He couldn't bear losing her. Hopefully she knew she could come to him whenever she needed something from him. Even just a kiss goodnight.

300+


As she continued to express everything that had happened, she began to feel the awkwardness melting between them. Never had she meant to hurt him. There was no denying that she had, but it had never been her intention. The gods knew she had beat herself up in her head about this all on multiple occasions. The only thing that had kept her half-way sane was the hope that he would be able to forgive her. She knew how much the thought of losing him frightened her, and she had made him come too close to that. She had come too close to making him lose her.



As Kansas touched her cheek one of her hands moved up to lightly rest on his, keeping his hand there. Her eyes closed, a few stray tears still leaking from them. "I-I know. And I'm so sorry for making you worry like that." Savina knew how awful she would have felt if it had been him. "The other day, I met a wolf who has a similar problem to me. He showed me how I could control it. This thing inside of me." She opened her eyes back up, looking at her love. "He told me to focus on a moment. The happiest I could think of, something that would ground me. What I thought of was you. When you asked me to be your mate. That was the best thing that's ever happened to me." The fey rubbed his cream cheek gently with her thumb. "I know how to stop it now. I will do everything I possibly can to keep something like this from happening again."



Gingerly she hooked her arms under his, running her fingers across his back as she pulled him close. She planted light kisses on his cheek. "Can you forgive me?" It may have been clear from what he had said, but she needed to be sure. She needed to know that they were okay. "I'll always come to you whenever I need you." The Italian girl moved her lips so they were right next to his ear. "And I'll always need you."

Her eyes were glimmering with tears, like emeralds at the bottom the ocean. She looked so hurt, but she was still beautiful. There was something pleading about them, and he couldn't have begrudged her even if he'd wanted to. Her hand against his was cool. He hoped some of the chill inside her was falling away, and the tears still in her eyes were among the last she would cry today. No matter how hurt he felt, he just wanted to see her smile again.



His hand left her cheek, taking her fingers with it, resting at her knee. He listened as she told of someone who had helped her; he fought back the tinge of skepticism when she didn't give a name. She'd found help and that was all that mattered... And he felt his chest and face warm with pleasure as she continued. Even if he lacked the skill to cure her of her problem, she could think of him and be peaceful. "That means so much to me," he told her with blunt but happy sincerity.


"...Of course I do. I'd never hold something against you, not something like this." That small, boyish smile. "We... we can put it behind us, I think." Kansas was not an optimist. But this time, he really believed they could move forward. He kissed her. He didn't want her to feel badly about this anymore, because he didn't.

Fwee! Wrap this one up and then zomg baby-making time? I'll send you a PM with idears.



The shackles that had been suffocating her heart finally burst open. The last remaining tears in her eyes turned to ones of thankful elation. The Sadira male had become the biggest and most important part of her world. As long as they had each other and were alright the rest would work itself out. She wished that she could promise him that she would never ever let him down again, but she knew that there was no way to guarantee that. But she would do everything she possible could to avoid anything like this ever happening again. Never again did she want to be the cause of his displeasure.



As he kissed her she moved one hand to run through the hair on the back of his head. It felt like forever since they had kissed. It reaffirmed that they were going to be able to move on and put this whole mess behind them (but she would never let herself forget). Savina looked into his eyes, a happy light once more flickering in her own. "I love you Kansas. More than anything in the world." Her thin fingers played with his mane, loving the feel of his fur between them.

This thread is so sweet it's making me sad.


Though he was sure she'd never do anything to hurt him past mending, Kansas knew he could forgive her for most anything. His own father had disappeared on him, but he'd probably made deeper amends with Phoenix in his heart than his sisters had. He was the pushover. Grudges remained, but faded with time. And he'd never cared for anyone like he cared for the woman before him, so she needn't worry about his keeping something against her.



Her eyes were finally warm, her tears trickling into her smile: a sign that she was okay. As she touched his hair he leaned into her for a kiss, rubbing her cheek tenderly as he did so. "I love you too."