Haku generally despised those pathetic creatures that ran off without warning. Grayson, Windseeker, there had been quite many since he had joined Dahlia de Mai. When someone dared to come back despite their wasted pride, this could soothe the beast with the thorn. Of course it helped that he always had liked her. She had never judged him (not openly, at least) for what he was, and more than anything he was grateful for that. The black female’s smile lifted some weight off his shoulders. He tossed away the thoughts of a silly dead child and sat down when she made it apparent that she would tell him her story without any dillydallying. His ears perked softly forwards, and he could only offer his full attention to what the black female was about to say. Little did he know that her tale was filled with sorrow.

When she introduced her family line, he kept his smile up. As a child he had peeked around looking at northern gods, and there had been some Fenris wolf there that he had quite enjoyed reading about. It was mostly lost to him now, but he could still remember the name. If her words were true, he pitied himself for not being related to her. Not that he ever had cared of such things, but his own family line was a sad joke. When she paused for a moment, he only gave her an encouraging nod, requesting her to go on. The Stormbringers was a tough family, and he would already have known this if he had known the Stormbringers that his mother had met through her years. When the woman went on, the glamorous introduction was over, and he was starting to realize that she had left Dahlia to go to war for her family’s sake.

As the female spoke, the Lilium’s smile disappeared and his face turned rather blank as he listened to her finish off. He wished he could feel true compassion, because right now he ached to be able to soothe her wounded soul. Wars were ugly, and that was why he loved them. He did not celebrate her loss, rather the opposite. He felt his hackles slightly rising and discovered to his own surprise that he felt slightly angry. ”Why did you not tell us? We could have helped you.” He bluntly stated, but a moment after he realized that it would of course have been a bit silly, with Inferni conflict still fresh and all. Nevertheless, Haku had sworn himself to this pack, and that promise had made its home in his heart. He would defend every member of Dahlia from harm as best he could. Even Coli and Lubomir would be defended.

He was sorry for her loss, as much he was able to anyways. He would not say that he was sorry for her loss, because that was a too often used phrase in such cases. His reaction to her story should be proof enough that he did not like what she had gone through. ” If anything should happen again, you say.. if so, then do not be afraid to ask for assistance.” He could say nothing of what Dahlia would do, but if she asked, he would go with her and feed from dead Dawnrunner corpses.

He mirrored her grateful smile. There were few of those he appreciated, and he was delighted to have her back, safe and sound. He just knew that he was wasting away here with all that happened, or.. with all that did nod happen. He needed his blood to flow fever hot through his vein, he needed just as much as his lungs needed air to keep his body in function. He was dying slowly inside. Firefly had been his loyal companion a few times after the war when he had been unable to control himself, and they had ended a couple of lives without any specific reason. It was just how he was, he could not change it any more than he could change the color of his eyes. Intense and innocent sky blue, but with a crimson stained soul behind them, hungry for more of what was so wrong. He belonged on the battle field, and if Kol was to return to a new conflict, then if she wanted assistance, Haku would probably follow her, leaving Dahlia behind only for a little while. He would still be chained down, but he was not required to stay in Dahlia twenty four seven.

A foolish daydream perhaps, but gave him an unstable calm to imagine that he could join a legal slaughter house again. Oh, how his soul craved it. He flickered a lonely ear when the black female changed topic. It was understandable. He had seen her pain. Returning images of what she had seen and done did not do the female any good, and he willingly followed when she started to talk about the latest news. He knew nothing about Alexey and her transformation into a luperci. All he knew about those three Koios siblings was that they were supposedly non shifters, and Adelaida (which he had not even met yet) was a pain in the ass because of her feelings for werewolves. He did not get it. If lupercis were so bad, then why the hell had she joined a pack full of them? Of course, he doubted there were any packs without any werewolves, so perhaps this had been her only choice. Plain wolves were not that common anymore, they were a dying breed.

"Coyotes are keeping a low profile, at least when it comes to Dahlia for all I know. There was some trespasser coyote here not too long ago, but my mate and a little snot named Svara showed him what they thought about that." Oh, how he wished he had been there. The coyote would probably not have been able to return to Inferni though, so perhaps it was a good thing Haku had been miles away that day. "I myself am currently in a lot of drama because I'm a retarded idiot. Firefly is not the only one that has given birth to my blood, so I am a bit fucked. I am not loved, and I understand why." Because he was a cheating asshole. He would not want to go into any details, and he was sure Kol would soon enough hear about his long lost daughter, Colibri Haki and her story. "Nothing has happened, really. Nothing of importance, things are as dull as ever, I'm afraid." The male snorted loudly and tilted his head. Maybe Kol had brought some action with her.

He caught her mild surprise, but had honestly assumed she had known all about it for some reason. It made sense though, Kol had been gone before Haku had asked for Firefly’s hand, and whoever had greeted her into the pack and so on had probably not thought about mentioning such a casual thing. He gave the woman a nod. ”Yes, Firefly.” It had probably been a mistake, something that he had managed to prove over and over by cheating on his mate. Maybe he just was not cut out the keep to only one. Things seemed to be a bit smoother than they had been for a long time, but he was afraid it was only a matter of time before he threw himself into the sea of sin again. He could always hope for the best, but it had been the same thing when he first had become Firefly’s mate, but he had failed.

The ebony female’s next words made him gape. He fully flattened his ears and lowered his frame slightly, eyes suspiciously analyzing the female’s face. He had never had anyone speak to him like that. It was not negative though, it was definitely positive. He was surprised because of the way she reacted and the words she chose. So few would have spoken up and said what the Stormbringer girl just had done. Most did not trust him, did not like him. What had happened at the birth scene had proved what the pack and his leader thought of him, and it had actually been quite horrible, to realize that after everything he had done, nothing had changed. It had been his own children and they had automatically assumed that he would harm them. What had he done to deserve such mistrust?

He knew words had spread about his feelings concerning Firefly’s pregnancy and all that, but he had only openly showed it in front of Firefly, and whatever they had gathered of information had been from second hand sources. They assumed and judged as they saw fit, and even though the male saw himself close to untouchable when it came to emotions, it had hurt. Kol told him that she would follow him to the grave if necessary, and that meant more than she could ever imagine. Haku’s hackles slightly rose, and he felt new respect for the female pour through his pores. He stayed silent for a few moments, and his eyes stayed on her delicate face. He could feel his heart beat slightly faster, and removed his eyes immediately from her attractive frame.

He licked his lips slowly, and finally spoke. ”Not many would say that.” He was quite empty for words. Maybe he had not failed completely. Some seemed to have faith in him, and it encouraged him continue to try be a good leader and member of Dahlia de Mai. ”My mistakes are never forgotten by the rest of the pack, it seems. My oldest daughter has recently come to stay in Dahlia, and I wronged her horribly in the past. My slips are all they see. You are the first one that has supported me so openly straight to my face.” Would she ask about Coli now? Would she hate him for what he had done to his own flesh or blood. He would fully understand if she would, because it was monstrous what he had done.

Suddenly another story was offered to the chocolate man, and he could not do anything but to sit back and listen do it. If he had been normal, he would have felt sorry for the child she spoke of. It was a sad story, but Haku was unaffected as always. He could understand both sides in the story, but it was an undeserving treatment for the other puppy. Children were stupid, they made mistakes, accidents happened. Haku threw on a compassionate face, but he found the Dawnrunners very interesting by the way Kol described their ways of punishing an innocent puppy. Even if he liked violence and despair, he did not understand why they had punished the girl. With one dead child, there had been one loss, but by crippling the unfortunate child, they had lost two members of their family. Oh well, they ruled their own way just as Haku did here. If Cercelee had not been such a goodie good shoe, then he would have made Dahlia into something truly unique. Hopefully he would never be put on top of the Dahlia hierarchy.

His previous smile returned to the male's face when the story was done and she explained what she had meant. He nodded. Of course. He had not planned anything else anyway. He had established a livable life here, and he had no where else to go, really. Well, always places to go, people to fuck and kill, but he was generally content here as well, and he liked the feeling of being of use. He had a mate and children (ugh, too many), and there seemed to arrive more and more members that he found worthy of interest. He did not have any reasons to leave this place. When she mentioned Colibri Haki, he held his breath and finally looked back at her. She was right and he was best off telling her. That was another thing that endlessly frustrated the brown male. Everyone went psycho on him because of second hand sources. No one never seemed to bother checking facts twice.

The carnival dressed coyote had been one of them. Attacked him without warning and he hadn't even known why. Oh, this world was so fucked up for the man named Haku. He gritted his teeth for a moment before he opened his mouth and let the horrible truth leak out. "One year ago I attacked and raped her, then I left her." There. All he could do now was to watch her face darken and her eyes turn him into a stranger she did not want to know. He tilted his head and let his sky blue gaze fall to the ground, resting on frozen leaves and broken dreams. He was sorry for what he had done, but he could not change it. It was true that he had not fully been himself when it happened, but it was no excuse. Haku and his demon had been united for too long and had almost merged into one being. He would have been fully in its power if the the creature had not chosen to go into a long slumber.

Another wave of surprise got him when her eyes did not falter nor change when she digested the terrible truth he just had revealed to her. If he had been someone else, he might would have felt a sting of guilt because of the words she now chose to let out. He had embraced his demon, and he still worshiped it as he always had. The monster was just keeping a low profile because it would have been impossible for him to function in his pack and the position he held there without keeping a relatively sane profile. He knew it was only a matter of time before the monster fully awoke again to taste blood. It had already started. Haku had several times woken up strange places with the taste of blood still fresh in his mouth. This worried him a bit, because he had always been awake when the demon decided it was time for someone to die. He did not like that his body was used without his permission. It was never his own blood he was covered in when he woke up, but he had never been able to find the victim either. He hated not knowing.

Haku did not know this Crow Stormbringer. His mother had silently loved the jet black male with the gray stormy eyes, but she had not shared her own history with her children, so he knew very little about her past, the history of Bleeding Souls. It seemed surreal to him that such a wild soul could rise and hold a leader position in a pack, but hey, wasn't Haku in the same position himself at the moment? Yes sir, despite his reputation he was the sub leader of one of 'Souls strongest pack. Blooming Dahlia with the innocent name. Some flowers had thorns. He had forever bloodied the pack by what he had done so many months ago at the Inferni borders. He had created a beautiful peace of art and completed it with Dahlia's most famous flower. The black Dahlia held dangerous ties to terrible crimes. Haku was Dahlia de Mai's black flower, and he loved it.

He returned the violet eyed female's mischievous grin. It seemed there was a possibility that they shared some ties, although it was not the same darkness that lurked within their souls. Or, whatever were left of them. She was wrong though, he still was the same Haku, he was just being careful. He enjoyed his constant solitude, but there were times where he would have given anything to find someone as fucked up as himself, someone he could confide in and share the full truth, just so that he knew he was not alone in the world. Her family seemed to be full of promising individuals, but Kol herself seemed to be quite aware of her limits. Such a shame. He would not ruin her image of an improved Haku. He would not ruin any of his children like he had ruined Coli, but he was still the same bastard. Wild spirits could never be fully tamed. Never.

"Well said, Kol. I really respect what you say, and I'm grateful for your honesty. Thank you for not turning your back at me." His words were as sincere as they could get. Inner demons, though.. "What happens when we sleep, though? Defenses are on their minimum, and a demon never sleeps. It hibernates, it slumbers, yes, but it never sleeps. What then, Kol?" He would not be surprised if she did not understand him. How could she when he did not understand himself? Haku did not mind the demon using his body, but he wanted to be a part of it. He wanted to feel, touch and taste. Rules had been broken, and Haku despised not being in control. Was this schizophrenia or something else? Once upon a time he had not cared, but he was starting to wonder. What was actually wrong inside his head? Was it in the brain or his soul? It could not be fixed, he accepted that, but he wanted to know. What did Kol know about these things? Did she have insanety running in her family? Was it a similar kind that flowed through him?

Oh, but he did enjoy it. So very much. Although he hated his body being used without his full knowledge, it was magical to wake up and know he was a killer. It had gone way too far. Haku had been infected since he was less than half a year old. Colibri had had a proper reason when she had swung the dagger and given him the worst scar on his body. The long mark across his chest had taken extraordinary long time to heal, and the male believed he knew why. With the black dagger Colibri Soul had tried to end her son's life. She had told the brown male that she loved him right before she had grabbed after the dagger. His mother was not stupid, and she had put pieces together and forged an understanding while the son had gone around on his rampage, believing it was all him and a twist of insanity. The dagger had been taken from a dead human body, a man that had stabbed it through his own heart. On the same body, his mother had found a necklace. It had been pretty, so she had meant it would serve well as a gift to her little son. Maybe that was where it all had started

The Lilium had always heard voices whispering when no one was there. Sometimes he saw crimson mists emerge before his vision turned black and his ears deaf, nostrils filled with the sickly sweet scent of blood. he saw things others did not see. He saw moving shapes, dark shadows that cooed for him to follow. They lulled him to sleep, they kissed him awake, his mental prison was his sanctuary, and he believed he was immortal. He had never questioned it in the earlier days because this was what was normal in his eyes. He had never felt different. Once he had been pure and untainted, but that was before his cognitive development had enabled the ability to remember. He had been too small, and afterwards, the poison had spread and made him into what he was. Not a complete psychopath, but with enough traits to be declared as one by most.

His lips twitched as she said what seemed to be a warning (or even a threat!). Had he been wrong? Was she just like the rest of them? No, he did not want to believe so. He wanted her to remain a possible ally. He forced his lips together, determined not to let his fangs flash at her. Strange, he was not usually one that took critics and threats to heart. Did he frighten her? Quickly, all too quickly, it seemed like Kol was to find out more about the chocolate coated male than anyone else in the pack. He had not even told Firefly about this. "Sometimes I wake up without any memory of falling asleep. Almost like a blackout. There is blood all over me, on my body, in my mouth, on my hands." His voice was hushed down to a eerie whisper. It was a dangerous confession. It was always far away from Dahlia. He would never hurt them, Never! Not unless they all turned away from him and threw him out. If that ever happened, Haku would be free to create his final masterpiece. There would be rivers of blood, corpses torn to pieces.

He was sick, and he knew it. He should not have such thoughts, should not dream of bathing in crimson. He had never touched this subject with anyone else, not even with Firefly, his own mate. Was that why his head was filling up with such thoughts? His baby blue eyes looked up at her. How far would her support go? Was she afraid of the dark?

The man's mask had been taken off, and he was revealing his dangerous secret to a woman he had not seen in months. Yet, right there and then he felt closer to her than anyone else. It was a dangerous move, but he had taken a chance and he would just have to trust Kol was the character he hoped she would be. The male finally sat down (because his roleplayer can't remember if she made him sit down earlier), realizing that what he had thought would be a quick hello and goodbye had turned into something deeper and much more serious than he could ever have imagined. Haku never confided in anyone, and trusted so few that they barely counted one or two fingers. He saw some change in her, but she never ceased to surprise him. She did not withdraw, and what he saw in her eyes was a friend and companion. He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth while their eyes stayed on each other.

She said she found it disturbing, but she didn't back away. He was both a murderer and a monster's puppet, but there was a possibility he would have done something similar anyway. Maybe it was his own sort of therapy, a way to deal with things. He had played nice for so long, while the pressure within him grew, so maybe it happened so that he could go on without turning into something permanently nasty. As far as he knew, nothing bad had happened inside the pack lands. "Always far from Dahlia, always alone. You are the first person I've told this to, not even my mate knows." This should remain their little secret. He could not answer better than that. Every time he woke up he was all alone. The day he had met Tayui, he had had time to clean off the blood and get rid of the worst dirt. He had not been figured out by anyone yet as far as he knew.

"I don't think anyone knows, but of course I can't know that for certain." He hesitated slightly before adding; "I've never found out who's blood it is either."

She told him that he could trust her, but he was aware of that already. He had revealed his horrible secrets and given her a glimpse of what hid behind his well used mask. He was intrigued by her reaction, and already saw a strong alliance building up between them. These were wolves worth having in a pack. Unconditional loyalty and courage. He would do his best not to let her down. Not ever. Haku was sick, but not sick enough to put his beloved pack in danger. Not yet at least. He could only hope that those who had lost their lives by the demon's hands had not been of much importance to any other pack. He was quite sure these blackouts were spent well, and that the killings (if his suspicions were right, and they usually were) had been pure pleasure. He regretted the demon did not let him be a part of it, but maybe it was to protect him. Haku was not free, but a chained down beast. His pack and its members were the chain holding him down, and the demon was on its own, pushed away by the owner of the body. Most of the time, anyways. It was quick to wake up and watch whenever his hackles rose, and it had happened a lot lately.

He gave a short and light sigh when Kol mentioned his daughter again. He wished she had never been born. He wished he had left her to die by her mother's cold body. " Colibri Haki needs to grow up and leave her childhood behind. Right now I see nothing but a pathetic little girl with an adult's body. I accept that I did something very wrong and for that, I take the blame. However, she cannot hold me responsible for the quality of her pathetic life. The only person that can rid her of her own misery is herself, but she seems to not want to let go of what happened to her, and therefore everyone around her will hear it as well." His voice died, and he realized he had strayed from the main topic. "She won't know, no one will know. This is between you and me, not as leader and servant, but something more. I trust you, Kol. You should consider that a honor, because I am not a man who allows people to see what I am. You do, you're the only one who knows what I am." And that truth was safe with her.