Location: Rabbit Lake
Dated February 25.

The sky was a listless, pearl gray. Geneva rolled her eyes up to see it, trying to memorize it. She wanted to remember the way the trees framed Haven Mansion, and the way their branches reached up to the clouds. She wanted to remember the curve of Rabbit Lake, and what the snow felt like beneath her feet. She had walked the length of the lands twice over already this morning, lime green eyes trying to capture each and every curve and bend of Crimson Dreams.

She had finally stopped to rest at the lip of Rabbit Lake, hunching forward in the snow as she gazed down at the ice-covered water, as if she might be able to see her reflection. She had first seen the lake months ago when she had first come to these lands, searching for a home. She remembered that she had been covered in dirt, and how Savina and Brooklyn had accompanied her to wash her of it.

She wished there was a way to wash her of her experiences, and the way she felt that had led her to this moment. She felt her heart swell inside of her chest, embittered and battered, but still beating. She hadn't thought it would be so hard to say goodbye. She looked resolutely into the ice on the lake, her eyes hard as she tried to find a single reason not to turn and leave right now.

And she had found one, raising her head so her call split the sky, a single shattering breath. She wanted to see Savina.

Did you purposefully make this the same title as your joining thread? Imma cry ;.;
300+



Ever since the day she had found out she was pregnant her mind had been filled with ideas and questions. How many would there be? What should they name them? Should she be eating differently (aside from more)? What all did she need to do to prepare? When would she stop doing border duties? Hunting? While some of the question weighed somewhat heavy on her mind there was a permanent smile on her lips. There was an extra bounce in her step and her jeweled eyes were always light and happy.



Right now the Lt. General was in her room of the mansion, straightening up the blankets and furs that made up she and her mate's bed. Though honestly she wasn't sure if she was straightening it or just making more of a mess. Doing this with only her teeth was no easy task. Giving up she flopped down in the covers, breathing in deeply the scent of herself and Kansas. What would they smell like, she wondered. Would it be a combination of their scents like the bed or would it be something completely different? The femme couldn't wait to find out.



Ears twitched as a short but loud call split the air. It was Geneva calling for her. Something sounded wrong about her howl though. Swallowing hard Savina stood and went down the stairs to exit the house. She hadn't seen the slate woman since she had made the realization that she was carrying puppies. Her friend had seemed perfectly fine that day. What had changed? Raven wolf found her packmate at the edge of the lake. Her ears dipped and her tail wagged tentatively. "Geneva? What's wrong?" There was a foreboding feeling surrounding them and it made her heart pound loudly in her chest.

She remembered the last time she had seen the woman with jewel toned eyes. Happiness had been writ on her features, as they both came to the wonderful conclusion that she was carrying new life. She was glad that Crimson Dreams would continue to be a place of light and life. Savina deserved every happiness, and Geneva hated to be a blight on that emotion. But there were things that needed to be said and done before she could leave here with even a single ounce of peace.

She looked gravely at the Lieutenant General, offering her a smile that she did not feel at all. Her voice, soft as ever, was unreadable. "I'm leaving here," she said, her voice flat. She knew she couldn't pull off light and carefree, and she didn't want to burst into tears either. This was hard on the female, but she owed Savina this much. Things would come full circle between them.

"I wanted to say thank you, for everything," she said. Savina had been there from the very beginning. That first day, the black female had come like the sun after a long, cold winter day. She didn't have the words to give her, to properly convey everything she held inside her. Although there was a great sadness, Geneva was truly and forever changed because she had met this woman. Her kindness had touched her so deeply. Mere thanks would never be enough, but it was all she had to give.

As her friend sadly turned to her the words that were uttered through a voice that sounded nothing like the woman she knew hit her hard right in the chest. Tail stopped all motion and ears plastered back against her skull. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. Why did she want to leave? Was it something Savina had done? The fight, her pregnancy, what? Her eyes were filled with sorrow as all she could do was stare at the female, a soft whine escaping her throat. She couldn't even bring her feet to move, like they were heavy stones stuck to the ground.



"Geneva...I don't understand..." The Lt. General's mouth and throat felt as dry and scratchy as sandpaper all of a sudden. "Why?" Maybe she was being selfish, but it seemed to her like this had come out of nowhere. One day she had appeared perfectly fine and now she was going to leave. She must have missed something. To hells, she was the sub-leader of this pack, she should know what was going on that could cause something like this before now. Just another failure to add to the list.



She couldn't just let her walk away though. Maybe that's what Geneva wanted, but it wasn't going to happen. Maybe Savina could still fix this, still make things right for her. The gray femme had become a staple of the pack and a highly valued member. She didn't want her to leave. "Geneva, please...don't..." Hesitantly she took a step forward.

Just one, trembling word for Savina was all it took to break the ice that had grown over her heart. She felt it shatter and fall to the ground like so many pieces of glass. It was easier to be cold than to allow herself to feel the intensity of her sorrow, but she swallowed it all done. Savina deserved no less than her honesty. Both in words and in feelings. She had been there from the very beginning. She had seen Geneva at her lowest point and had found it in her heart to call her a friend. Geneva could do no less now.

When Savina took that hesitant step forward, Geneva took another to meet her. She reached out to nuzzle her friend's face softly, pulling back to look at her. There weren't tears in her eyes, but her sadness was evident. This was something she had to do, no matter how her head cried out against it. She looked Savina squarely in the face. "Listen to me, this is not your fault."

She could see the self blame forming on the pregnant wolfess's face. This was a delicate situation, and Savina, with all her strength, was delicate too. It was important to Geneva that Savina knew that her decision to leave had nothing to do with Savina, and everything to do with her own weaknesses. "Savina, things with Anu...between she and I...have escalated. The feelings are strong. And to stay here - it would tear me apart. It would tear everyone apart."

As Geneva stepped forward and nuzzled against her face the tears brimmed in her colored orbs. She searched those lighter shaded eyes, hoping to find an answer. The sorrow was evident in them even though they were dry unlike her own. Even though she said that it wasn't her fault, Savina couldn't help but still feel a little guilty. It was clear that she had missed something huge. Whether it could have been prevented or not, she should have known about it. Had she been too wrapped up in her own joy to see what else was going on around her?



The next words came as a bit of a shock. While she had known that there had been emotional tension between the two, it had been a while since it had been spoken about. Lately Stockholm had seemed happy and content and she had just figured that things had worked themselves out. Apparently she had been so very wrong. "Is...is there anything? Anything I could do?" It was a selfish question. But she wanted to badly for her friend to stay. Already she had imagined the woman telling stories to her children and now it was all being ripped away.



Already in her heart she knew that Geneva had to leave. Savina tried to imagine how it would feel if she were not able to be with Kansas yet had to live in the same pack as him. It would kill her, she knew that. And she knew that must be what the slate wolfess was feeling right now. She could understand, she just didn't want to. She didn't want to say goodbye. "I don't want to lose you..." Tears cut rivers in her dark cheeks. There was nothing that could stop this now.

Geneva shook her head mutely from side to side. She closed her lime green eyes, a grimace spreading her features at the pain so evident in the ebon woman's voice. She had never meant to wound her this way. But she had, and there was nothing she could do about it. There was nothing that either of them could do about this. Her mind was made up, her decision set in stone. It had been a hard decision for her to make, but she had found the strength to make it.

She kept telling herself over and over that she was doing the right thing. Her decision had many factors. She had taken into account her own heart, but also Anu's. She didn't want to think too much about her, but her name breathed through her mind. They were one mistake away from being together, one mistake away from ruining a family, damaging so many other hearts. She could endure the pain of leaving, but she did not believe she could live with the shame or burden of stealing Anu's fidelity.

She opened her eyes to look into Savina's stricken face, wishing there was a way to wash away her tears. But Geneva couldn't stay. There was so much at stake here, so much she put into jeopardy. "You aren't losing me," she said. She meant it. It never struck her that Savina would think she was leaving forever. She quailed at the thought. "I'll be back. I will. I...I just need time." Those words were so familiar, like the ones she had uttered just the night before.

Her chest felt tight. This was so awful. The worst part that she was helpless. Helpless to stop it, helpless to fix it. She didn't blame Geneva for wanting to leave after everything that had unintentionally transpired. It wasn't her fault, she couldn't help who she developed feelings for. The fey only wished so badly that things could have been different. That her heart had wanted someone else. Someone that could have loved her back. At times like these Savina had to force herself to try and not think of all the alternatives that could have stopped something. That didn't help anyone and only tortured herself. It was in her nature to try and fix things though, so it could hardly be helped.



While she believed her dear friend when she said that she would return, that she wasn't leaving forever, she knew that it could be a long while. Who knew how long it would take for her to feel comfortable coming back here. Savina was pregnant. Soon she would be unable to travel and it would be months before she could leave the pups or take them with her anywhere. Teary eyes looked down at the ground. "I want them to know you..." she said in a whisper. The Lt. General wasn't trying to guilt-trip the woman. She wanted her to know that she was wanted, even though things had torn her away from here.

Geneva kept her mouth clamped shut to keep her from saying anything else that would set Savina off. She hadn't expected the woman to be cold at her passing. She knew that her friend loved her and felt as deeply about her as she did. Still, it was almost too much to hear the tears in her voice. She felt that she was coming undone all over again, but held those emotions close to her chest. She couldn't allowed them to run free with her. She'd fall apart then and there, and all her resolve would mean nothing.

She sniffed a little. "I will be around, a lot," she said, trying to smile. "You'll get so sick of me. You'll wonder if I really left at all." She was trying to lighten the mood, trying to ease the sadness for Savina, and for herself.

She had thought long and hard over this choice, and had decided it was the right one. But it had never struck her until now that it wasn't just Anu she was leaving. It was Savina with her dancing jewel eyes, Kansas with his quiet contemplation, the sound of Jazper's music in the library, and everyone else she had met along the way. It arrested her breath for a moment, caging it inside her chest as she considered the impact of this choice.

True to her word, she'd come around often, for as long as she was welcome to. But now she'd miss those moments as Haven and Mati grew up, mornings when Savina would be restless with her pregnancy and would want to talk, quiet days when one of her pack mates would stumble across her in the kitchen and strike up conversation. She had never stopped to acknowledge all that she would have to leave behind, and it was almost staggering to think of it.

300+



Things between Naniko and herself were not as they once had been. While she missed it, she knew that it might never be the same again. The initial way she had reacted to the news of Kansas and her being a couple had shaken her deeply. Even more so their last talk about it. She just couldn't shake the nauseating feeling that her friend felt more than a sibling affection towards her adopted brother. She would never talk of it out-loud though. Not to anyone. So with Anu and then Geneva they had really become her emotional support system outside of Kansas and her brother. While her friend wasn't disappearing forever, it wouldn't be the same.



At the woman's light words she tried to crack a smile, but it was really no use. The sorrow of the situation had a firm grip on her and it wasn't planning to let go. "You better be." Instead of matching the other's tone it sounded more serious than she had intended. Though that emotion wasn't too far off the mark either. Savina relied heavily on her close friends. If it hadn't been for her initial talk with Stockholm after her fight with Hybrid who knows how much longer it could have taken her to crawl out of that deep hole she had put herself in. "You know...I won't be able to visit you. Not until the pups are older..." Once again she had a dear friend that she couldn't go see herself. Though this was only a temporary situation, unlike with Ryan.



It felt a bit awkward to ask, and a slight grimace took her face as she looked back into the lime green orbs. "Where...where will you go?" She supposed she might as well start talking about it. No matter how hard or painful it might be. The femme hoped that her friend was planning on going to another pack instead of trying to make it on her own.

She looked sadly at Savina. The dark furred woman's features betrayed the depths of her feelings despite the lightness of her words. She felt that it would be a while before she saw Savina again, although she would be certain to keep her promise and visit her. She didn't want to taint this happy time in Savina's life. Right now she should be focusing on maintaining her health and readying herself for the arrival of her puppies. She needed to be sure that she and Kansas were ready to embrace the responsibilities of being parents.

Savina had the tendency to carry the world upon her shoulders. So secretly, Geneva thought that if she stayed out of sight, she would stay off of Savina's mind too. The last thing she wanted to do was cause lasting troubles. Her mind turned to Anu then, and she swallowed hard. The way she had left her had been so monstrous, shaking her to the core. But she kept telling herself it was for the best. She knew that the woman was strong. She just hoped that Anu was stronger than she herself felt at the moment.

"I know. I want you to take care of yourself," she said. "And Anu...please keep an eye out for her." The words cut deep in her throat like bits of broken glass. "I'm not sure where I'll go yet...but I will be back, in time."

300+



Sometimes this leadership role really could be a curse. Though Savina knew that she would feel this way whether she was the Lt. General or not. Ever since coming here she had felt the need to keep her friends together. That was an impossible task however. She couldn't control the wills and actions of her packmates anymore than she could control the weather. She didn't want to control them either. She just wished that things wouldn't get so complicated. Even though she cared more about her unborn children than anything else, it was hard to let go of her other concerns as well. Especially since one of her most cherished friends was leaving the lands.



The truth was she would always be worrying about Geneva until she knew that she was safe somewhere. Out of sight was not out of mind for the Italian fey. Hearing that the woman wasn't sure where she was going filled her with dread. While she knew that Stockholm was a grown wolf and could take care of herself, there were too many bad creatures out there for a small lone female to avoid. "Don't worry, I'll take care of myself. I won't put them in danger," she said, touching her stomach. "I'll look out for Anu, don't worry. We'll all be alright in the end." She included Geneva in that statement, no matter how foggy the future looked at this point.



Looking deep into the wolfess' lime green eyes, her own had a very stony and serious depth to them. "I hope that you'll go to another pack, I don't like the thought of you out there on your own. My friend Cercelee leads Dahlia de Mai up to the north, she's a very good wolf. And Kansas' mother lives in Phoenix Valley. But wherever you do go, when you settle down please let me know? You don't have to come for a long visit, but I want to know that you're safe." Her words were almost more of a order than a request. "I want you to be here when they're born as well. Gods willing everything goes well." While she tried not to think on it too often, she knew that many things could happen before her pups were brought healthy and alive into the world.