so what's killing you
#1
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         Madness was inescapable when it infiltrated one’s blood, pouring through every vein and bleeding out through self-inflicted gashes. Misery was second-nature to the monster, pessimistic at heart and unable to find the good in anything. His soul was painted black from birth, dredged up from the depths of hell rather than a gift from god to the earth, granted free-will and hope. He was less than a monster, despite all arrogance and pride, tearing his own body apart and allowing anyone to mark his flesh without reason. Slowly, day by day he was dying—decaying from the inside out. He wouldn’t live long, consciousness shifting back and forth constantly between functioning and destroyed. He would abandon the clan for stretches of time, aimlessly wandering the wilderness like a prince in exile, searching and searching for something he could not fathom. The angel no longer spoke to him—only shadows whispered in his ears, hissing threats of death and conjuring up images of what they’d like to do to him.


         Kaena he loved, but he could never have her—not in this lifetime in the manner he desired. The very thought tore him apart, sending him into a fit of rage and setting his claws onto anything and everything within reach, including himself. He wasn’t even allowed to kill wolves any longer, knowing he had to travel far to exact his emotions onto hapless strays far from the ears of Inferni, and the very thought disgusted him. He’d been raised to despise wolves, learning to murder them early on, and here he was shackled and collared like a disobedient child. The only reason he’d returned was to be near Kaena, and now he was bound by their rules, unable to escape or face his mother’s wrath when he broke the rules. Samael was a killer and nothing could change that, yet he was cursed by an unwavering obsession—for his love was nothing short of unnatural and immoral. Temper smoldering and will-power fraying, the beast simply walked, finding nothing else worthy of occupying his time.

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#2
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http://digital-bonsai.com/katew/rp/kae/kae_rain.gif); background-repeat:no-repeat; background-position:bottom center; border:1px solid #FFFFFF; text-align:justify;">     The darkness used to be comforting to the hybrid woman, when it did came accompanied with the all-encompasing, lovely intoxication that had lifted Kaena through the past month. Alcohol had fueled her and soothed her wounds for the past thirty-odd days, and now she'd run dry, drinking every last drop of liquor she possessed. Now, she was sober and alone in the night, and that was less comforting now. There was nothing to occupy her mind, and she found it winding back down, spiraling to the black hole in the middle of her head once more until she found nothing else in her head, just his snarling face and brilliant sky-colored eyes.



    Sleep was only ever fitful and plagued with nightmares anymore for Kaena, and so now in the cover of the dark she wandered, aimlessly meandering across the whole of Inferni's territory and toward the dump, knowing in her heart everything useful had been smashed to bits, contaminated, or already scavenged from its depths. Still, there was faint hope there, and the hybrid might have licked the inside of an ancient beer bottle if she found one, so desperate was she.



    Thankfully, before she arrived at the plotted destination a quite familiar scent trail caught her nose, and her path immediately diverted to follow the fresh trail, picking up the pace to catch up with Samael. His scent was fleeting at best in the territory, and now the coyote wondered if bringing him here had been the right thing to do, after all. It was worrisome, but the thought had hardly crossed her mind recently. She'd been too occupied in her own trouble. Failing to spot him, the hybrid woman tossed her head back and yipped softly, calling out in the darkness for her son. She desired his presence and his company more than anything at the moment; she was certain devoted Samael would heal all.

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#3
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         Crimson eyes burning like smoldering embers in the night, catching what little light there was and reflecting in back in a truly demonic manner, his face was otherwise blank and devoid of anything. His pelt was thick and black, ready for winter and turning him into a nearly mirror image of the father he’d never truly known, distinguished only by the faintest ghosts of lingering gold. Paws silent as they padded against the earth, carrying him endlessly across the plains as Cain in exile, cursed to aimlessly wander until the end of time. Even the insects were silent, as though sensing the hellbeast that lurked in their midst and hushed their nighttime voices to allow him undisturbed passage. Suddenly, a sharp cry broke through the night—a sound clearly coyote and familiar as the voice within his head, beckoning him to retrace his steps. Movement stilling to a complete stop, head turned back and ears perked forward.


         Darkness blanketed everything, shielding the landscape in an impenetrable cloak of shadow. Even the inky black above was devoid of stars, as though something had swallowed them all up, one by one. Body turned where it was, walking along the invisible path he’d just taken in search of Kaena. Her scent strengthened with each step, quickening his pace and luring him inexplicably onward. Jaws slightly parting, as though to taste her presence on the air, he finally found the hybrid woman and wordlessly moved to lightly brush his muzzle against her’s. Head attempting to nuzzle whatever he could reach, adoring the physical contact between them, he lightly whispered a single word into the darkness. Mother.

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#4
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    Lovely Samael. Count on him to make her feel better, count on him to make her feel wanted—the coyote woman sighed contentedly as her son approached her wordlessly, always ready to deliver affection. In the aftermath of Haku, Kaena hardly cared what kind of demented twist Samael's affection for her held; he was her son and he gave her his devotion without question. He touched her, his muzzle rubbing against her own, and she reached out to hold him, sliding her arms about his shoulders and pulling him close as he whispered that single word.



    She had missed his presence; in the past few weeks she had wanted only to cling and clutch to her kin at times, but she was too shamed to do so. Being around others was at once wonderful and horrible for the hybrid woman; it kept her mind from reviewing what had happened with Haku over and over again, but it hurt, still, to place a stoic mask on her face and try and act like everything was normal. The silvery hybrid tried not to let her emotions spill over around others, and that was difficult at times.



    Now, around one of the creatures she felt most comfortable around in the world, there it was again, threatening to spill over. A shiver ran through the coyote's body and she pressed her head into the crevice between Samael's head and shoulder, curling against him as tightly and as closely as she could, her body language silently pleading to be held by him. Comfort me, protect me, save me, she thought silently, shutting her golden eye tightly to block out the rest of the world, trying hard to focus on Samael's warmth and presence. Nothing else should have mattered, but there was that creeping blue-eyed demon again, crawling up her spine and slithering once more into her head, hissing in her ear.

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#5
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            She did not fight his affection, and for this Samael was grateful. She’d always allowed him a hug and a nuzzle, but he’d always wanted more. Even as a child, when her arms went about his body, embracing his form and pulling him close he’d desired so much more from her. It made his heart ache, feeling like something was broken inside of him and slowly decaying. Yet the gaping wound was reopened every time he touched her, tearing away the crusted scab and allowing thick, black blood to flow forth again and again. He wanted to hold her close, free of all dark desire and able to love her just as she wanted him to love her, but he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t bring himself to rid of the desire than ran so warmly through his veins at the simple sight and presence of her. He didn’t wish to feel so wrong, and yet, when he’d told her how he loved her he knew just how wrong he was from the look in her eye.


            Never once had he felt so disgusting as when Kaena looked at him in horror and revulsion. Samael never thought of the difference between right and wrong—he acted on instinct and the way he’d been raised, murdering for no other reason than to kill. He wasn’t supposed to be a monster. He was a demon prince from hell, beautiful with radiant wings of jet black, and now he was nothing more than a boy with an immoral fetish. “What’s wrong?” he whispered, sensing some sort of discord within the female. There was something wrong, and he couldn’t quite place it. Hand lifting to rest his palm against the curve of her neck, he pulled back so he could met her gaze, crimson eyes searching. He didn’t wish to break from their close embrace, yet he had to know what was going through her head. If something was wrong, he wished to make it right in any way that he could.





table by alli
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#6
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Sie R dumb. XD



    The coyote wished Samael had been there for her. Samael would have torn Haku's eyes and his heart out and pissed on his corpse for so much as looking at Kaena the wrong way. Samael would have protected her, he could have and he would have made Kaena sick with glee to see Haku's blood run across the floor. It was too late now, and the hybrid woman could hardly fault anyone but herself for what had happened to her. She was squarely to blame for everything; she had placed herself in a situation where the demon could access her easily, cut off from communication and alone in the night. Her fault, her fault, her stupid fucking fault and nothing more.



    More than anything Kaena lamented the fact that she had chosen this fate. Maybe it would have been better to struggle and fight to the bitter end; maybe it would have been better to die in that rank library at Haku's hand. She figured letting him fuck her was better than dying, but now in the aftermath she did not know if that was true. His question penetrated the swirling thoughts and at once Kaena wanted to sew her lips shut forever and scream everything out to him, howling it for anyone and everyone to hear. She chose the former.



    "Just..." she said, taking a breath and holding it for a moment to steady herself. "Old devils rattling the bars of their cages," she said, trying a smile. She did not know how it looked; she could not tell from the feeling. Her face felt numb, her feelings disjointed and fragmented at best. Even if she had spoken to him of what had happened, where would she start? How could she say those horrible things over once more, and live through them again? The hybrid didn't know, and so she kept quiet, feigning health and wholeness.

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#7
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      Given the opportunity, he would have gladly leashed himself to her side, bounding his neck in a heavy leather collar and attaching himself to her side with a thick, steel chain. He didn’t need his own independent life as long as he could be loyal to her, serving her and handing her the entire world on a silver platter. He knew such things were no more than dreams in the harshness of his twisted reality, only desiring and imagining, but knowing it’d never come to pass in this lifetime. He would murder anyone that dared touch her—even glance at her in a way that didn’t quite sit right with him—tearing them apart and castrating them like the filthy dogs they were. But he hadn’t been there. He’d kept his distance, unwilling to push his sordid affections onto her as long as she didn’t wish for them. She spoke, yet the words were vague and told him absolutely nothing. Her smile was pained, weak and forced as if it would make him feel better when in truth it only agonized him further with its falsity. He wished to see her pleased, not in misery and hiding something from him.

      Yet she couldn’t tell him, and he felt his soul cracking—dark seams growing along an invisible path and yawning wide against the crimson of his beating heart. His hand continued to gently cradle her neck, struggling against the desire to clench into a fist, sinking his nails deep into his flesh to alleviate some of the rage and sadness coursing through him. Kaena was in pain, and he couldn’t do a god damned thing about it unless she told him some details. Yet she didn’t feel comfortable enough imparting the information to her loyal—most loyal and adoring in his mind—son, and this only worsened the black emotions seeping into his consciousness. “Tell me,” his soft voice implored, agony welling up like blood from an open wound. He would tear their throat out with his bare hands and crush their bones into powder. Face moved in closer, beseeching with crimson eyes that she at least trust him with some information—voice some of the torment so he could make it all better in any way that he could.

      He would slit his own throat right then and there if it’d make her smile for at least a moment.

table by sie!
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#8
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OMG. Your post was absolutely lovely. ;; <333


The silvery woman could no more impart to Samael the details of what had her so miserable than she could enter that dank university again. It was the same in her head; though her mind revisited the site of that attack over and over again her mouth refused to speak such awful things. It was an admitting of blame, an admitting of failure. She'd made the decision to trade her dignity for her life anyway, and she damn well deserved to wallow in the murky pit she'd dug for herself.


Still, it was there, wavering on the tip of her tongue. Haku's name was a curse caught in the back of her throat like a tickle, a cough she could not spit out. She inhaled sharply and swallowed it back down again, burying her head into him once more and exhaling in that rattling shake once more. It was her fault, and she could not place the burden of knowledge on Samael's shoulders. The coyote could see his vicious intent clearly, lurking just behind his crimson eyes and waiting to spring. He might succeed in killing Haku, sure—but if all of Dahlia de Mai descended on Samael's head he would not survive to return home to his mother; the hybrid woman could see that plainly.


Beyond that, the scent of Inferni would be unmistakable at the crime, and Gabriel's retribution on Samael if he started a war—for any reason, Kaena thought—would be swift and it would be terrible. Giving anything to Samael was as well as signing his death warrant, the hybrid knew, and she shook her head. "Nothing will hurt me if you are here," she said softly, smiling faintly, for she knew this was the truth. Samael would keep her safe always, and he would protect her until he died for her if necessity dictated it. This comforted Kaena to no end, and as she clung to her son she began to stabilize, growing less panicked as the moments passed by.



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#9
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ohai, i suck.


      She moved against him, burying her head into his fur and exhaling a broken, hollow sound that encompassed all of her hidden pain and the perceived shame of her assault. He held her close, adoring the close contact between them and savoring each moment they were together—no matter how innocent they were, as they always gave him some form of fulfillment regardless. He adored her as a mother, and he wished to adore her as a lover as well, but she didn’t love him in that manner, and he would not force it upon her. His love was too great to bring her harm, even if it meant crushing his own heart in the process—something entirely alien and unnatural to his inherit nature. He was the self-serving, self-devoted demon prince, and to harm and deprive himself for the sake of another was purely peculiar and indescribably uncharacteristic. It wasn’t bred into his DNA, nor his natural consciousness, and only true love and affection could cause the monster to do such a thing, knowing that her happiness was more valuable than his own—selfishly, in an unconscious way, for if she was in pain so inevitably would he be—as she’d brought him life and granted him love before anyone else could.

      For him to feel the same way about any other creature it would take a lifetime, but Kaena had won his undying loyalty and so he quietly embraced her, allowing her the silence she seemed to so desire. He would not probe and question until she felt that she wished to divulge the information, and so closed his eyes to her hidden misery. Her statement run true—he would protect her, no matter what, even if he was forced to forfeit his life in the process. “No, they will not,” he agreed, voice soft and barely raised above a whisper. Anyone who harmed her would face death—he would personally see to that. His hands sought her flesh, moving to caress her form in a way purely comforting as he held her close, veiling her from the world and enclosing her in his momentary protection and absolute, unwavering adoration.

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#10
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You, shut up. I compliment your last post, and I compliment this one. |: I lurve your writings for Samface. Buuut I think maybe we need to change a small part of thread, so I PM you after I post this. ;P


There was relief, there was comfort here. The silver-furred canine found it here more than anywhere in the world. Her other children did not offer her such blind loyalty, undying devotion as Samael. Some of them she had hurt, some of them had realized her wickedness and maybe part of them condemned her for it—but never Samael. He could no more turn away from her than she could deny him her love, and no matter what he did to her, the ash-furred Lykoi could not deny him that love. There was a tiny sliver of her that still loved Vitium, some flaring mother's love that refused to be extinguished even through the betrayal he'd inflicted on her.


Slowly, slowly the hybrid began to relax, unraveling the knot of tension that had wound itself around her core, swallowing the fear that had crept up her spine and shoved itself rudely into her head, worries that he'd come for her in the night and drag her from her very cave, pulling her by the scruff of her neck like some bedraggled puppy. There were nightmares, terrible dreams that haunted her in the moments after she woke and throughout the day. She ceased to shiver, knowing now even if he came for her that Samael would die to protect her from him or anything else that sought to hurt her. She hardly needed his verbal confirmation of that, and she smiled faintly at it, finding it reasurring nonetheless.


"You'd kill for me, wouldn't you, Samael?" she asked softly, drawing her head back to look at him with that golden eye. It became steadily sharper, clearer as she looked to his red eyes, so reminiscent of Astaroth yet containing nothing of him other than their color. There was no lurking demon behind those eyes, no vile devil waiting to betray her and devour her soul. She knew this, too, she knew he would take a life for her in an instant if only she asked him to, but she needed to hear it. She needed to know, and give herself damn good reason to seal the truth away from Samael forever to save him.



thanks to james for the header image
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#11
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<33! 412

      Appearance-wise he may have looked uncannily like Astaroth. His eyes were a shade of blood-red stolen directly from his sire, and in the cooler months shadow devoured the gold of his coat, turning him a deeper, darker shade almost entirely black. Even so, he would never betray Kaena as his father had done, despite all of his sin and wickedness. He was a strangely loyal creature, despising much of the world and wishing to destroy it in hellfire and violence, but to those that did wind their way into his heart like deadly poison he remained loyal. There was rarely a soul he honestly cared for, but the Lykoi blood was a part of Kaena, and thus he extended some form of affection toward those worthy within the line. Beauty and madness lie within, and he embraced such, finding only those whom had emerged from Kaena to be the only ones he could grant mercy and forgiveness.

      All else shall perish without remorse. Arrogance lingered, but it had become subdued over the years as he’d fallen into a perpetual state of decay, lost within his own twisted darkness. Drowning, he sought to emerge once again, yet as Sisyphus perpetually damned to push his boulder up the side of the mountain again and again in hell, his task yet remained eternal and unyielding. Clawed, gnarled hands tugged him downwards, dragging him back into the cold, black pit that stank of death and nothingness. He would gladly kill for Kaena. He would gladly kill simply to kill, seeking to destroy the world by his own hand, but to kill for Kaena he would immediately comply like a violent dog on a leash.

      She held his lead in her hand and he would roll over to expose his belly to her alone. Fangs bared and body pressed close to her knees, the beast would snarl and snap at any that approached her in a manner he disproved of. He had been reduced to a whore and a pet, chained down and writhing in his own filth and despair while any and all stroked his head and mocked him. “Of course,” he whispered, answer blatantly obvious even if he hadn’t spoken aloud. He was her beast on a chain, ready to be commanded and used at will. Unrest lingered with her distraught emotions, but he held them at bay, leaving her to tell him what had happened on her own terms alone, if ever.

table by sie!
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#12
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Wurd count: 612


In Character

Samael was her precious; Samael would turn the world to nothing more than burned plains and ash for her if she so much as hinted such a thing would make her happy. The resemblance to Astaroth was not lost on her, but the two canines were so far apart the silver-furred woman could barely even sense that connection. Samael was hers. Astaroth had done nothing for him, contributed nothing towards him save his sperm and his genetic material. Astaroth had not been a father to Samael, not even a little bit, and he deserved no credit for the beautiful creature of shadow and rage now clinging to Kaena, pacified only by his mother, belonging onto his mother. If Astaroth was still alive, she would have paraded Samael in front of him and taunted him until he'd attacked, and then Samael would have torn him to pieces to protect Kaena. The silvery Centurion knew there would not have been a second of hesitation from the winter-darkened coyote before her; he would kill (or die trying to kill) anyone Kaena asked.


It was for this reason that she could not send him after Haku. She could not bear to lose him and his protection; the thought of allowing another child to slip out of her grasp—at her very own request, no less—turned the ash-colored canine's stomach. His response was simple, succinct, as she'd expected. There were no long speeches of adoration from Samael, as it was not needed. All of his love and loyalty shone clearly through those red eyes, possessing only the color of his father's. The things that lurked in Samael's eyes were a far cry from Astaroth's, speaking of a deep-seeded, vile thing that appeared to Kaena to be pure and undying affection and unquestioning loyalty. After all, this was the Samael she knew—not the Samael who had taken Halo against her will, not the Samael who had torn Charon to pieces for no reason other than that he had existed and dared to lay a finger on Halo.


Wild thoughts dizzied the coyote, and she drew back from Sam, her half-dead and half-alive gaze piercing toward him. Often it was the stolen eye that struck more fear into others' hearts—it was nothing more than torn flesh, bubbled and rotten scar tissue from a wound older than most now who even laid eyes on it. "You must do something for me," she said, her golden-yellow eye locked onto his crimson gaze. It took a lot of effort not to spill the whole sordid tale to him, to whisper of what Haku had done and watch the rage blossom in Samael, far more beautiful than any flower created by Mother Nature. Something in Kaena knew, however, that watching his fleeting hindquarters as they headed to Dahlia de Mai would be the last time she ever saw him. If Haku did not kill him, if Samael did not die trying to avenge his mother's dignity, the rest of Dahlia de Mai would on his escape. If he survived that, Gabriel would kill him for inciting war. Samael could not die. "You must watch the borders. Watch the western end of the territory. Do as you will with any who set foot on our land," she said. Speaking these words, directing Samael to essentially kill on sight—it brought a strange sense of comfort over the silver-furred coyote, and a small smile encouraged her son, perhaps of genuine relief or perhaps simply encouragement to her son. It was not as if Samael needed any of that, though—if she told him to walk, he would, until he died in midstep.



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